(no subject)
hey, it's been a while since my last post. Things have kinda been down hill lately, it's been over a week since I've heard from any of my friends, no one hangs out any more. To be quite frank, I think it's because clayton stopped drinking. I'm glad he stopped but in a way that's what tied all of us together to hang out. I've tried most drtugs and been drunk, but never have I had the want to do it by myself. I feel as if my life is at a dead end right now, like I took a turn into a long alley that I had know idea where it led. I abandoned an old path, the one where I went to church and help out with the missions. I've been thinking over the past few days long and hard. My sleep pattern is bad and am suffering from even worse fatigue. I feel empty inside. this is not about a girl empty. it feels like my life is empty. when I had a spiritual connection with.... I don't know what it was, maybe is was god, a higher power, but all I know was I feel full. Like my body was filled with this divine power that made me feel like I could go on everyday, and not question every little thing I did, because I knew it was a rightous path. I've spend minutes @ a time pacing in my kitchen. I think I want to quit school for now and sign up for the Christain Apalacha Projoect. They do missions in Eastern kentucky, I've worked with them before. They said you can sign up and volunteer for 3 months @ at a time. I believe it might just be what I need right now. to clear my head, soul search, whatever you want to call it, but living how I'm living right now isn't helping......I wish I could fair better with all this but this just seems like a ladder out of the dead end life.