friends
I've been looking up some friends from high school all morning. They all seem to be doing so well. I'm rather confused as to why i'm not the same. in fact i'm doing much worse than i had planned. I didn't set unreachable goals either, but somehow i have fallen short, and find myself wanting.
I'm wondering if the reason i'm not getting anywhere is i maybe don't belong in this system, living this life. I have been feeling very un-amanda-ish lately. I need to go and find myself, but i don't know what trail to take me to me.
There is no way in hell i can find myself if i keep spending time trying to devote myself to someone. I think it's time i became devoted to finding a deeper me. After all that is what it's about, discovering who you are and why you believe the things you do.
Since i came to college i have realized that even what i thought i believed in isn't backed by anything in particular and i can't justify anything i do if there is nothing backing it up. There is a lot of thinking ahead of me...and a lot of changing as well.......
I'm wondering if the reason i'm not getting anywhere is i maybe don't belong in this system, living this life. I have been feeling very un-amanda-ish lately. I need to go and find myself, but i don't know what trail to take me to me.
There is no way in hell i can find myself if i keep spending time trying to devote myself to someone. I think it's time i became devoted to finding a deeper me. After all that is what it's about, discovering who you are and why you believe the things you do.
Since i came to college i have realized that even what i thought i believed in isn't backed by anything in particular and i can't justify anything i do if there is nothing backing it up. There is a lot of thinking ahead of me...and a lot of changing as well.......