rp log, shishido and jackal
Who: Shishido and Jackal
What: Break up BECAUSE OF OHTORI ! THAT PLAYA!
When: Saturday morning
Warnings: Oblique break-up sex so that Shishido can remember one last time...much stupid, because they really should just stay together.
Result: Shishido is swearing off boys, especially THAT PLAYA OHTORI and the most awesome Jackal.
*
It was Saturday morning, and Shishido sat blearily clutching a cup of coffee. He felt like shit, and guilty too. The only thing he was happy about was turning Ohtori down and passing out -- which was pretty pathetic if he thought about it. His parents left him alone, although his older brother was nice enough to take the hit for the half bottle of cognac. He owned Ichigo.
Jackal slipped off the bus near Shishido's house, humming to himself. He was a little worried. Shishido seemed a bit urgent, and he hoped it was for good reasons. He chewed on his lip a little as he made his way up to the door.
Shishido's mother opened the door, smiling as she saw Jackal. She'd been a little wary at first -- Jackal looked different -- but he acted like a perfect Japanese boy, and was a good friend for her son. "He's in his room, dear. Please go ahead."
"Thank you," Jackal said, slipping into a pair of guest house slippers and making his way to Shishido's room. He knocked lightly on that door too. Shishido's mother seemed in a good mood, maybe that meant he had nothing to worry about.
Shishido took a deep breath, opened the door, and tugged Jackal in. He dove into Jackal's arms, squishing him tightly, feeling like crying. "Joaquim. Glad you are here."
But Shishido himself on the other hand seemed a bit upset. He let his arms circle around him in a hug and held him close. "Something happen? You okay?"
Shishido hung his head a moment, not sure how to say this. He tugged Jackal over to his bed (where he had NOT been unfaithful) and sat. He picked up the beads (he'd slept with them in his hand)... "So uh. Choutaroh broke up with his boyfriend. I invited him over, and we drank. Turns out he kinda still ... has a thing for me. Or was horny. Or something. ...And after all this time I..." Shishido sighed and told Jackal what happened, or at least the bare bones of it. "Then I passed out. ........ I'm sorry. It was stupid."
Jackal sat there, watching where Shishido held the necklace he gave him. He wasn't wearing it. . . was he about to give it back? He felt a heaviness in his stomach. "Do you . . . want to be with him instead?"
That was a good fucking question. "No, I just ... want you both." The truth was painful to admit. "Not possible, is it."
Jackal rubbed the back of his head. This was probably a sign of problems they were going to have in the future. "Well . . . I guess . . . it's okay to want . . . it's the having part that would be a problem." Jackal wasn't sure he could deal with sharing like Sanada and Yukimura were. And he'd be the one who was far away, and he didn't like the sound of that at all.
Right. Shishido flopped miserably down, curling up on his bed, wanting the certainty of Jackal wrapped around him, in him, loving him. He was probably just a slut for wanting more guys, then. What to do. "I think...I think at the very least, it's unfair to you if I've got Choutaroh on my mind. Shit will happen like last night, and I won't be able to pass out quickly enough. I ... I love you, and I don't want to hurt you or lie or be unfaithful."
While Jackal was glad Shishido didn't want to hurt him, he wasn't sure what Shishido was getting at. If he just liked Ohtori, then they could deal. Shishido could just . . . avoid being alone with him or something, if temptation was going to be that hard. "Are you wanting to break up then?"
Shishido shook his head. "No, I'm selfish. I want you...too." He clung to the beads.
Jackal sighed, feeling torn. He wanted to be with Shishido, but if Shishido was going to have trouble with this, if being with Jackal just made things harder for him . . . . There was a voice in the back of his head that pointed out that now would be the time escape this relationship, if it was doomed to failure, but he didn't really want to.
Shishido realized that he was essentially screwed either way. There was no guarantee he'd be all happy-happy-joy-joy with Ohtori, and he was going to miss Jackal like an ache in his gut. He sighed and sat up. "You know. I think it's most fair if I'm single. I don't wanna hurt you more," Shishido said miserably, and pillowed his head in his arms. He felt a tear roll down his nose.
Jackal kept his eyes on the carpet and sat there for a long moment, trying to find a reason besides "I don't want to" for them to stay together, when Shishido was having so much trouble with it. Hell, Shishido may just really want Ohtori, and he was trying to conserve his feelings by acting reluctant. It didn't matter. If breaking up with him was Shishido wanted, he'd have to let him have it. "Okay." Jackal stood up and glanced at the door.
"Wait...wait..." Shishido clung to the back of Jackal's shirt, forehead against it. He just clung for a long, long moment. Jackal's smell, the feeling of him, the way he was always the most reliable and loving guy Shishido had ever met. Could he really just toss this? Shishido clung to his shirt and cried.
Damn, Shishido was sure making this hard. He turned around to wrap himself back around Shishido and held him, trying not to cry himself, but damn, Shishido was making that hard too.
Shishido wrapped himself around Jackal and held him tightly. "I don't want to lose you," he said in a muffled voice against Jackal's shoulder. "But I'm fucked up about Choutaroh. What do I do?"
"I don't know," Jackal said. "I can't make you not want him, and that sounds like the problem."
Shishido sat back, contemplating his options. "It occurred to me that if I let him at me...he'd get bored. He did a year ago after all."
Shishido remembered how miserable that had been for him -- and how Jackal had put him back together.
"But would that be okay for you?" It had been pretty rough for Shishido the first time around. And Jackal hadn't been involved then, and he wasn't sure how he felt about the idea now.
"I dunno," Shishido answered honestly. "He seems sweet, right? But he's been a bit of a player this past year. Maybe the best way to keep friends, and keep my career with him, is to make sure I never let him get away with that with me. At the same time..." Shishido sighed. "...You know what I need? I need to feel you."
Jackal rubbed his palm up and down Shishido's back. "You need me? Or you need me to distract you?" Jackal was a bit wary now.
Shishido gripped Jackal. "I need you. Whatever you want to give me." His eyes were big and full of hurt and red and appealing on Jackal.
( http://www.khaoskomix.com/cgi-bin/comic.cgi )
(like murph there 8D)
When Shishido looked at him like that, Jackal's heart wouldn't let him say no, even if Jackal's brain was calling for a retreat. Jackal ran his hand though Shishido's hair. "If you're sure."
Shishido gripped him and kissed him, pouring his heart into it, wrapping around him.
Jackal pulled Shishido tightly against him, pouring his own feeling into the kiss in return, starting with his love and including some of the hurt and wariness this mess was causing.
"One moment." Shishido went to his door, putting up the "DO NOT DISTURB" sign he'd drawn when he was ten, locked the door, and returned. Then he lay down, tugging Jackal with him. "We probably have an hour," he said, sighing.
Jackal pulled Shishido tightly against him, pouring his own feeling into the kiss in return, starting with his love and including some of the hurt and wariness this mess was causing.
Jackal slid over Shishido, pinning him to the bed for what might be the last time. "Then we'll make the best of it." If this was the end, he was going out with a bang. He intended to fill every minute of that hours with all the good physical reasons they were to together.
Shishido felt Jackal over him with a pang in his heart. He really was a fucking idiot. He wrapped himself around Jackal and felt time slip away from them -- his body moved and slid against Jackal, and soon enough they were both naked and at each other's bodies. Shishido felt the intensity of every touch, coming twice before Jackal was even inside of him. And then, over on his back with his ass in the air, Shishido wondered if he'd ever feel anything this good again.
Jackal panted over Shishido, craddling him against him while he still could. The clock told him they'd gone fifteen minutes into overtime, but he doubted he was getting complaints. He pressed his face against Shishido's neck and waited to see what Shishido would want to do now.
Shishido collapsed. "I'll be feeling that for a month," he said quietly before pulling away. He tugged Jackal against him, kissing him everywhere, showing all the love he felt. "Ahh. This sucks. I know I'll regret it." Finally Shishido sat up and let Jackal go.
Good, Jackal thought. He wanted him thinking about it everytime he was with Ohtori. Jackal pulled away and reached for his pants, quiet, because he didn't know what to say.
Good, Jackal thought. He wanted him thinking about it everytime he was with Ohtori. Jackal pulled away and reached for his pants, quiet, because he didn't know what to say.
Shishido didn't know what to say either. He reached over and traced a last invisible heart on Jackal's back, hoping that he'd work the stupid out of his blood before too long and get back with this guy. "I'm sorry." He said quietly one more time. "...Thanks."
"It's-" No, it wasn't okay, but he'd deal with it. He rose from the bed to get dressed. He needed to get out of there. "I'll, uh-" No, he wouldn't "see him around" either. What was he supposed to say?
Shishido tackled him from behind into one more fierce hug. ...Why was he doing this again? Oh yeah, he wasn't worthy. He spoke a muffled I love you I'm sorry into his jacket and then walked him to the door. He ignored his mother as he kissed Jackal's hand goodbye, and then raced back to his room. "Ryou," Shishido's mother said, knocking. "Ryou. Did ... was that ... are you..." "...Yeah, it was. Not any more. Just leave me alone."
What: Break up BECAUSE OF OHTORI ! THAT PLAYA!
When: Saturday morning
Warnings: Oblique break-up sex so that Shishido can remember one last time...much stupid, because they really should just stay together.
Result: Shishido is swearing off boys, especially THAT PLAYA OHTORI and the most awesome Jackal.
*
It was Saturday morning, and Shishido sat blearily clutching a cup of coffee. He felt like shit, and guilty too. The only thing he was happy about was turning Ohtori down and passing out -- which was pretty pathetic if he thought about it. His parents left him alone, although his older brother was nice enough to take the hit for the half bottle of cognac. He owned Ichigo.
Jackal slipped off the bus near Shishido's house, humming to himself. He was a little worried. Shishido seemed a bit urgent, and he hoped it was for good reasons. He chewed on his lip a little as he made his way up to the door.
Shishido's mother opened the door, smiling as she saw Jackal. She'd been a little wary at first -- Jackal looked different -- but he acted like a perfect Japanese boy, and was a good friend for her son. "He's in his room, dear. Please go ahead."
"Thank you," Jackal said, slipping into a pair of guest house slippers and making his way to Shishido's room. He knocked lightly on that door too. Shishido's mother seemed in a good mood, maybe that meant he had nothing to worry about.
Shishido took a deep breath, opened the door, and tugged Jackal in. He dove into Jackal's arms, squishing him tightly, feeling like crying. "Joaquim. Glad you are here."
But Shishido himself on the other hand seemed a bit upset. He let his arms circle around him in a hug and held him close. "Something happen? You okay?"
Shishido hung his head a moment, not sure how to say this. He tugged Jackal over to his bed (where he had NOT been unfaithful) and sat. He picked up the beads (he'd slept with them in his hand)... "So uh. Choutaroh broke up with his boyfriend. I invited him over, and we drank. Turns out he kinda still ... has a thing for me. Or was horny. Or something. ...And after all this time I..." Shishido sighed and told Jackal what happened, or at least the bare bones of it. "Then I passed out. ........ I'm sorry. It was stupid."
Jackal sat there, watching where Shishido held the necklace he gave him. He wasn't wearing it. . . was he about to give it back? He felt a heaviness in his stomach. "Do you . . . want to be with him instead?"
That was a good fucking question. "No, I just ... want you both." The truth was painful to admit. "Not possible, is it."
Jackal rubbed the back of his head. This was probably a sign of problems they were going to have in the future. "Well . . . I guess . . . it's okay to want . . . it's the having part that would be a problem." Jackal wasn't sure he could deal with sharing like Sanada and Yukimura were. And he'd be the one who was far away, and he didn't like the sound of that at all.
Right. Shishido flopped miserably down, curling up on his bed, wanting the certainty of Jackal wrapped around him, in him, loving him. He was probably just a slut for wanting more guys, then. What to do. "I think...I think at the very least, it's unfair to you if I've got Choutaroh on my mind. Shit will happen like last night, and I won't be able to pass out quickly enough. I ... I love you, and I don't want to hurt you or lie or be unfaithful."
While Jackal was glad Shishido didn't want to hurt him, he wasn't sure what Shishido was getting at. If he just liked Ohtori, then they could deal. Shishido could just . . . avoid being alone with him or something, if temptation was going to be that hard. "Are you wanting to break up then?"
Shishido shook his head. "No, I'm selfish. I want you...too." He clung to the beads.
Jackal sighed, feeling torn. He wanted to be with Shishido, but if Shishido was going to have trouble with this, if being with Jackal just made things harder for him . . . . There was a voice in the back of his head that pointed out that now would be the time escape this relationship, if it was doomed to failure, but he didn't really want to.
Shishido realized that he was essentially screwed either way. There was no guarantee he'd be all happy-happy-joy-joy with Ohtori, and he was going to miss Jackal like an ache in his gut. He sighed and sat up. "You know. I think it's most fair if I'm single. I don't wanna hurt you more," Shishido said miserably, and pillowed his head in his arms. He felt a tear roll down his nose.
Jackal kept his eyes on the carpet and sat there for a long moment, trying to find a reason besides "I don't want to" for them to stay together, when Shishido was having so much trouble with it. Hell, Shishido may just really want Ohtori, and he was trying to conserve his feelings by acting reluctant. It didn't matter. If breaking up with him was Shishido wanted, he'd have to let him have it. "Okay." Jackal stood up and glanced at the door.
"Wait...wait..." Shishido clung to the back of Jackal's shirt, forehead against it. He just clung for a long, long moment. Jackal's smell, the feeling of him, the way he was always the most reliable and loving guy Shishido had ever met. Could he really just toss this? Shishido clung to his shirt and cried.
Damn, Shishido was sure making this hard. He turned around to wrap himself back around Shishido and held him, trying not to cry himself, but damn, Shishido was making that hard too.
Shishido wrapped himself around Jackal and held him tightly. "I don't want to lose you," he said in a muffled voice against Jackal's shoulder. "But I'm fucked up about Choutaroh. What do I do?"
"I don't know," Jackal said. "I can't make you not want him, and that sounds like the problem."
Shishido sat back, contemplating his options. "It occurred to me that if I let him at me...he'd get bored. He did a year ago after all."
Shishido remembered how miserable that had been for him -- and how Jackal had put him back together.
"But would that be okay for you?" It had been pretty rough for Shishido the first time around. And Jackal hadn't been involved then, and he wasn't sure how he felt about the idea now.
"I dunno," Shishido answered honestly. "He seems sweet, right? But he's been a bit of a player this past year. Maybe the best way to keep friends, and keep my career with him, is to make sure I never let him get away with that with me. At the same time..." Shishido sighed. "...You know what I need? I need to feel you."
Jackal rubbed his palm up and down Shishido's back. "You need me? Or you need me to distract you?" Jackal was a bit wary now.
Shishido gripped Jackal. "I need you. Whatever you want to give me." His eyes were big and full of hurt and red and appealing on Jackal.
( http://www.khaoskomix.com/cgi-bin/comic.cgi )
(like murph there 8D)
When Shishido looked at him like that, Jackal's heart wouldn't let him say no, even if Jackal's brain was calling for a retreat. Jackal ran his hand though Shishido's hair. "If you're sure."
Shishido gripped him and kissed him, pouring his heart into it, wrapping around him.
Jackal pulled Shishido tightly against him, pouring his own feeling into the kiss in return, starting with his love and including some of the hurt and wariness this mess was causing.
"One moment." Shishido went to his door, putting up the "DO NOT DISTURB" sign he'd drawn when he was ten, locked the door, and returned. Then he lay down, tugging Jackal with him. "We probably have an hour," he said, sighing.
Jackal pulled Shishido tightly against him, pouring his own feeling into the kiss in return, starting with his love and including some of the hurt and wariness this mess was causing.
Jackal slid over Shishido, pinning him to the bed for what might be the last time. "Then we'll make the best of it." If this was the end, he was going out with a bang. He intended to fill every minute of that hours with all the good physical reasons they were to together.
Shishido felt Jackal over him with a pang in his heart. He really was a fucking idiot. He wrapped himself around Jackal and felt time slip away from them -- his body moved and slid against Jackal, and soon enough they were both naked and at each other's bodies. Shishido felt the intensity of every touch, coming twice before Jackal was even inside of him. And then, over on his back with his ass in the air, Shishido wondered if he'd ever feel anything this good again.
Jackal panted over Shishido, craddling him against him while he still could. The clock told him they'd gone fifteen minutes into overtime, but he doubted he was getting complaints. He pressed his face against Shishido's neck and waited to see what Shishido would want to do now.
Shishido collapsed. "I'll be feeling that for a month," he said quietly before pulling away. He tugged Jackal against him, kissing him everywhere, showing all the love he felt. "Ahh. This sucks. I know I'll regret it." Finally Shishido sat up and let Jackal go.
Good, Jackal thought. He wanted him thinking about it everytime he was with Ohtori. Jackal pulled away and reached for his pants, quiet, because he didn't know what to say.
Good, Jackal thought. He wanted him thinking about it everytime he was with Ohtori. Jackal pulled away and reached for his pants, quiet, because he didn't know what to say.
Shishido didn't know what to say either. He reached over and traced a last invisible heart on Jackal's back, hoping that he'd work the stupid out of his blood before too long and get back with this guy. "I'm sorry." He said quietly one more time. "...Thanks."
"It's-" No, it wasn't okay, but he'd deal with it. He rose from the bed to get dressed. He needed to get out of there. "I'll, uh-" No, he wouldn't "see him around" either. What was he supposed to say?
Shishido tackled him from behind into one more fierce hug. ...Why was he doing this again? Oh yeah, he wasn't worthy. He spoke a muffled I love you I'm sorry into his jacket and then walked him to the door. He ignored his mother as he kissed Jackal's hand goodbye, and then raced back to his room. "Ryou," Shishido's mother said, knocking. "Ryou. Did ... was that ... are you..." "...Yeah, it was. Not any more. Just leave me alone."