RP: Manor-born and Muggle-born

[pb_draco]

Characters: Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger
Location: Malfoy Manor
Date: 14 March 2000, after their appointment
Status: Private
Summary: Draco takes Hermione for a tour and some reassurance after Meeting The Parents
Completion: Complete

Comments

[pb_draco]

"I wasn't," he said, just on the verge of sullen, because he had been a little bit and she'd caught him out at it. "You are beautiful, and you look especially lovely today. Not that you don't look lovely every day, but you look extra lovely today, it's pretty obvious you took some effort. I mean, not obvious, not to anyone but me, and for god's sake, shut up, Malfoy." Draco sighed and let go of her hand to rub his forehead, cursing himself silently.

"Library. Yes. Definitely. We can take a walk if you like, though I do intend to hex any peacocks that get within thirty feet of me, thank you very much." He didn't press too hard on the snippishness of that from her. She was anxious and upset, and she deserved to be a little bitchy at her uncommunicative boyfriend. She was very anxious if she was encouraging him to have a cigarette. Draco spoke to the air, demanding their wraps, and a house-elf appeared instantly. It handed him their garments and disappeared just as quickly, and Draco tossed his cloak on a decorative side table before holding Hermione's with the intention of helping her into it. "How about a walk through the gardens? Can check out the greenhouse, see where those violets came from?"

[pb_hermione]

Hermione squeezed his hand. "I know you mean well, Draco. I know you meant well holding off on telling me about the change of plans for today. That doesn't make it any easier on me, though," she told him honestly as she smoothed the skirt of her suit. "I do appreciate the compliment. Truly." He was sweet trying to make her feel better.

"I would love to see the greenhouse." Anywhere that would get her out of here while she regrouped would have been good but she would love to see the orchids Malfoy told her that his mother grew. Hermione accepted his help with her cloak and cast a spell on her shoes to keep them clean before they went out. "Does your mother tend the greenhouse herself or does your gardener do that too? I assume there is a gardener, isn't there?" Possibly more than one given the size of the place.

[pb_draco]

"I just didn't want you to have the whole week to worry about it," he said, shoulders slumping a little. "If you'd known all that time that you'd be meeting Lucius as well as my mother, you ... well, I don't know what you might have done. Changed your mind, had a panic attack, run away. No idea."

He took her hand again and led her out of the house. As soon as they were outdoors, he let go, drew his wand and cast his usual repelling charms, and lit a cigarette. Almost groaning with a relieved exhale, he made a gesture at the gardens and towards the greenhouse. "House-elves," he said with a shrug. "Mum's out there a lot, though. She loves getting to do it herself."

[pb_hermione]

Hermione sighed, "That's not the way I work, Malfoy. I thought you understood that. I like being well prepared. If I'd have had more time, I'd have bought one of the books on your home and looked through it. I'd have quizzed you about it on Tuesday and Friday so I'd be thinking about the interesting things instead of worrying about the drawing room."

She stepped aside to let him open the door for her. "I really, honestly and truly have no issue with meeting your father. You may have issues with him, but as you see, he is polite to me. I don't expect him to like me. I know he doesn't. Polite is enough to be getting on with, Draco. I'm fine with that. It's entirely preferable to him telling people it's all right to kill me, believe me. A panic attack? Heavens, I hope I'm not that weak willed." Was she honestly that nervous? She didn't think so.

"It's a lovely garden. It should be spectacular in another few weeks," she admired spring flowers. It was still too chilly for too many blooms but there were a few crocus pushing up. "I enjoyed Herbology but I don't have the talent for it that people like Neville do." It was better outside. She could breathe easier.

[pb_draco]

Draco shoved his hair out of his face with his free hand, blowing a cloud of smoke over his shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, with full honesty behind the apology. As much as he hated having to say those words to anyone, he found himself saying them on a fairly regular basis to Hermione. He also found that he didn't mind quite as much, since it was her. "I know you like to plan. I know you like to have your lists and your color-coded schedules. I know."

He sighed, scuffing his boots as he walked. "It's just...." Preferable to him telling people it's all right to kill me. "I'm just afraid that he won't be able to stop at polite. I can't. Seems like every time I talk to him, I push and push him. Even when I'm actually trying to stay civil, I can't. I want him to tolerate you, I want him to accept you. But there is always this little voice in the back of my head that says he's just waiting for me to drop my guard long enough so he can hurt you, and that once he's done with you, he'll take care of me. Lineage is dead anyway. Why not get rid of the stain, too?"

[pb_hermione]

"You apologized already and I've accepted it. I didn't say what I said to get you to apologize again, Draco. I don't work that way either. I know you're sincere." She didn't approve of people who seemed to want their partners to suffer for every mistake and apologize over and over.

Draco was scuffing his boots, which he usually only did when he was uncomfortable. "I noticed," she said in response to Draco saying he had trouble remaining civil. "It's very counterproductive, but you know that already. You do realize I'm not all that easy to take out, don't you?" Away from the house, she was feeling better. Hermione looked over the garden as they walked. "Draco, it's very clear to me that both of your parents love you. Your father doesn't want to get rid of you. He's trying hard to get you back." Hermione understood there was more going on that Draco had told her but she didn't need to details to recognize the affection she'd seen after the Battle of Hogwarts still existed between all three of them.

[pb_draco]

"That's part of the problem, though. You're not easy to take out. You've faced down Death Eaters before, and you've come out victorious. The problem is, at least once that I know, one of those Death Eaters was him." Draco laughed, bitterly, shaking his head. "It's total fucking madness to be aware that my girlfriend has beaten up my father. Even if he could forget you're a Muggle-born, there's no possible way he could forget that."

He took a long, deep inhale, burning a full inch off the cigarette at once and holding the smoke in his lungs until he absolutely had to let it go. "On the plus side, he did make it through today. He is trying, I can see that." Draco flicked the cigarette into the air and snapped his wand at it, Banishing it before it could fall. "I'm the one who's not trying. Just wish I knew why."

[pb_hermione]

"Language, please," she said mildly. "I didn't you know. Fight him I mean, not directly, other than helping create the diversion so we could all get away. He went another direction." She'd only been conscious for the fights with Crabbe, Rabastan Lestrange, Jugson, and Dolohov. And she'd refused to make a stink about what happened at Malfoy Manor. Everyone got out alive and that was good enough to be getting on with.

"I'd be interested in learning why too," she said softly. "I certainly hope it's not because beneath it all you're not sure about us." It bothered her that Draco apparently wasn't interested in trying to make things smoother.

[pb_draco]

He'd popped one of the mints he'd started carrying habitually since he'd started dating her, and Draco nearly choked on it when she spoke. Coughing, he spat the mint into a hedge and wiped his mouth with the edge of his cloak. "No." He laid one hand on her shoulder, then slid it up to cup her cheek, staring into her eyes. "No, Hermione, that's not it. That is absolutely not it. I am not the least bit unsure about you. Not in the slightest."

He stepped in closer to her, bending his head and lowering his voice. He opened up to her from time to time, told her how he was feeling, but even so, there were plenty of things he kept to himself. Now was not the time to keep hidden. "Hermione, I love you. I'm nervous about our relationship, yes. Except for my family's problems, it's gone far more smoothly than I could have ever expected, and that scares me. I'm waiting for something horrible to happen, practically waiting for Aunt Bella or my master to come back from the dead just to punish me for daring to even speak to you, much less for the sheer audacity of falling in love with you. Every day, I wake up expecting to see the letter telling me I've been disowned, permanently. Every day I wonder if I'm going to be arrested because someone's decided I've put you under Imperius or stuffed you full of Amortentia."

He bent to kiss her forehead before resting his own against hers. "I'm terrified of what could happen, and even so, I can't imagine going on without you. Every time I have another nightmare, I'm losing you in it. Not my parents, not my own life, you. You are the most important person in the world to me. I love you. I am positive about you, about us. Even scared, I'm happy with you. Nothing will change that, and if I thought it could prove to you how certain I am about you, I would hit my knees right now and ask you to marry me."

[pb_hermione]

"Draco, you do understand that the primary reason our relationship has gone more smoothly than either of us expected is because we talk to each other, don't you? Not only that, we listen to what the other has to say even when we disagree," often only to pick the other's argument apart but still, it was listening. "You might try that with your father." He mentioned waiting for something horrible to happen and the possibility of being disowned. "So what are you doing? Trying to force your father into disowning you so that you can get it over with? Trust me, all either of us would have to do to convince anyone I've not been potioned or Imperioed would be to have them view a memory of us bickering," she said wryly, but much softer than she would have had she not been so tense all day.

And then he was pressing his lips to her forehead and leaning his head against hers. Hermione was pleased her shoes raised her up enough that it wasn't an uncomfortable position. She looped her arms around him and felt truly comfortable for the first time today. "If you're not doing what you're doing because you're uncertain about me," Hermione took a deep breath, "you need to stop using me to punish your father. Before you tell me that's not what's going on, I want you to stop and think about it. I don't think you're doing it deliberately, nor do I think it means you don't love me, but you said yourself that you're the one who's not trying to get along. I think that's why you're having trouble. You can be really resentful sometimes, you know."

Hermione sighed, "One thing that would prove how certain you are about us is for you to do everything in your power to make sure that both sets of our parents have no reason to resent us or our children. I don't want to feel as if you're using me to get back at your father. You can't change the fact that there's a Dark Mark on your arm or that you lost part of your childhood, Draco. All you can do is move on. I can't stop you from being feeling bitter, but I can ask that you not use our love as weapon. It's worth more than that," she told him holding back the tears that were threatening to bubble up.

[pb_draco]

Draco twitched the edges of his cloak out from between them and pulled it around her, wrapping her up with it. He held it closed with one hand and smoothed the other over her back. He didn't want to think about what she was saying, but he couldn't stop. Every word dug into him, latched onto his spine and twisted until it felt like his knees were going to buckle from the pressure. She knew where to get past his shields, had learned too well how to sting him, and it was worse when everything she said was true. Draco shut his eyes and took a slow breath, then dropped his head to her shoulder, the position less awkward than usual with her choice of shoes. "I'm sorry," he murmured, his arms tightening around her when her voice thickened up with emotion. "I'm sorry. Hermione, I'm not meaning to treat you like that. Treat us like that. I don't mean to, I don't, I swear. I love you. You're worth the world to me."

[pb_hermione]

Hermione soothed his back with her hands. "Oh, Draco. I don't think for a moment you meant to. When people are hurt they sometimes do things without really thinking them through. I know I have."

"I know I may never fit in but I want so much for our children to know they belong and that they have family. A few short months with me isn't going to erase what you went through but you need to try letting the past go." Hermione knew that wouldn't be easy for him but perhaps if he understood what he was doing, he'd be capable of controlling himself better around his father.

[pb_draco]

Draco turned his face to her neck, inhaling the scent of almonds off her skin. "I don't know if I can," he mumbled. "Let the past go. I want to forget about it. Hell, love, I want to pretend it all never happened. But I can't. It's quite literally a part of me. Burned into my flesh." He tensed his left arm against her side, then forced the muscles to relax as much as he could.

"I can't forget what I had to do to save my family. The things I had to do for his sake. Murder? Torture? everything I had to do to try and save him." Draco shut his eyes against the side of her neck, his voice going unexpectedly raw. "And he wasn't even there."

[pb_hermione]

'And he wasn't even there.'

Hermione's heart went out to him. "Draco, don't you think he'd have spared you that if he'd had a choice? I don't believe for a moment that the man I saw searching frantically for you while a battle was going on all around him is the sort of man who would've abandoned you given a choice." She closed her eyes and leaned against his shoulder in turn. "I know he didn't take the news of us dating well, Draco. I know he'd rather I had magical parents. I know he isn't blameless and I'm not even sure he's a good person. I don't really know him at all. But I know what I've seen and I know you. You would not have done the things you did for your family if you didn't love your parents. Both of your parents."

"Lucius Malfoy is never going to learn to do more than tolerate me if he thinks I'm the wedge between the two of you. Whatever your issues are with your father, you should try to work them out for everyone's sake," she told him honestly.

[pb_draco]

"Little tough for him to protest since he was in prison at the time. He didn't even know." Draco squeezed Hermione without realizing it, then exhaled slowly, trying to keep himself calm. He was talking too much. It was one of his failings, and he knew it, and it got him into trouble far too often. He was treading on the edge of a conversation he didn't want to have, moving too close to the memory of a night he didn't want to remember. He took several steady breaths, forcing the images and the anger down, locking them up where he kept all the things he didn't want to think about.

"He's not a good person," Draco said, lifting his head off her shoulder to lean his cheek against her hair. "But he was a good father. I know he's trying, he's doing the best he's capable of. I just wish it wasn't so much of an effort. I wish this was easier. It's never going to be, but...." His voice caught and he swallowed hard to clear his throat. "Wish I could have brought you in with everyone looking forward to adding your name to the tapestry, rather than put blood traitor next to mine."

[pb_hermione]

"It was hard for you too and look where we are now," she kissed his jaw gently.

"While I can't say I wouldn't rather they simply accept me and get to know me, I don't need my name on a tapestry to validate our relationship. I am sorry I'm not able to give you a lofty bloodline and the Pure-blood children that are apparently required in order for your line to continue." Hermione didn't need to be reminded she was inadequate for the future production of heirs.