you know what?
It's interesting, how life moves things along. Here I am, three years after my most recent post. In that time, I've left teaching forever, gone through a second divorce, and am working in an entirely new field.
My children are grown. They are highly intelligent and self-sufficient women. I'm so proud of them! My heart aches for everything I missed of their childhood. I'm unable to change it, and it still hurts to live with it. Sometimes it seems like I'm entirely made of sorrow.
And then the rest of the time, I'm incredibly grateful for my life. I'm sober 27 years, I'm in a relationship that feels....safe. It's nice. I'm living in a place that feels pretty good. It's tiny, and it's becoming home. I like that. I like being ok. I haven't felt ok in a long time. Dust is settling, I'm becoming who I really am, and it's nice. I can just be me and it's good enough. I'm working in a job that is really a combination of art and science, and I'm learning both sides of it. People have told me my entire life that I should be in sales; now I are one!
I guess that's about the size of it. I miss the thriving LiveJournal of a decade ago. Maybe one day people will come by again and remember it and stop for a cup of coffee.
My children are grown. They are highly intelligent and self-sufficient women. I'm so proud of them! My heart aches for everything I missed of their childhood. I'm unable to change it, and it still hurts to live with it. Sometimes it seems like I'm entirely made of sorrow.
And then the rest of the time, I'm incredibly grateful for my life. I'm sober 27 years, I'm in a relationship that feels....safe. It's nice. I'm living in a place that feels pretty good. It's tiny, and it's becoming home. I like that. I like being ok. I haven't felt ok in a long time. Dust is settling, I'm becoming who I really am, and it's nice. I can just be me and it's good enough. I'm working in a job that is really a combination of art and science, and I'm learning both sides of it. People have told me my entire life that I should be in sales; now I are one!
I guess that's about the size of it. I miss the thriving LiveJournal of a decade ago. Maybe one day people will come by again and remember it and stop for a cup of coffee.