(no subject)
I'll put this under a cut because it will be long and i'm just feeling moany etc.
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A few weeks ago i thought I'd gone mad. It was the first day of term and really didn't want to go back because I hated it. Due to various reasons I ended up missing 3 buses so it was really late by the time I finally got into town. So I was walking from the bus station and I felt like I was on the brin of madness (which sounds ridiculous and no doubt f you think you're mad then you're definitely not). But I just kind of wandered in wide eyed wonderment (i must have looked like a nutter). I sat on a bench and wrote a load of crap (stream of consciousness kind f thing) and realised that I probably wasn't mad and that I was just being stupid.
Anyway I'm feeling like that again. Like i'm just kind of casually looking at madness and ponderng the pros and cons.(I know i'm an overdramatic idiot). I'm so sick of college. For a course thats called fashion/textiles there's very little fashion. It's all surface pattern. Our first project was knit, felt and weave twenty samples. This project is design 3 A1 sheets of repeated designs. When can I sew please?? If I wanted to draw I would have taken fine art. I want to make something. I feel like such a retard. I'm good at making garments. I'm tired of drawing. I'm at best mediocre at drawing. But I can make a dress if you wanted me too.
Some of the girls doing it are really, really good and I just feel like absolute crap. I know I'm good at textiles but now I'm just bored. There's a reason my walls are covered with pictures of clothes and not pattern. Clothes are exciting, to look at and to make. Seeing them come together is what I enjoy the most. Looking at something really well made and knowing that you did i is amazing and I can't get that from a piece of A1 paper.
In other news I'm spending another friday night in my pyjamas. My parents are arguing so downstairs is like tension city. I feel enormous today. I haven't eaten much but I just feel hideous. I don't want to be average