Boring moaning of no consequence, with no real insight.
Where to start? Well. I got caught in rather a large rain storm thursday evening on my way home. Thankfully it wasn't cold but it was the heaviest rain I've walked in, it made me think of monsoon showers. I was soaked to the marrow by the time I arrive home. I (rang?) my shirt out in the front doorway and went to sit in the bathtub to dry off.
Boring evenings. I'm getting lots of protein and carbohydrate, Sainsbury's now does tinned veggie sausages and bolognese - which is hardly classy but it tastes pretty good for once. It's also loaded with what I need. Already I seem to look healthier.
I've eaten everything though. I went to all the trouble of choosing out a whole ASDA order for most things I'll need during the next 9 weeks, only to find that they won't deliver to this house. It's only about a 25 minute walk so I feel really let down that my business is apparently not worth bothering with.
Incidentally, the grocery search on the website sure does come up with weird shit. For example, the following searches
Searched for ---> Amusing result
Spinach Butter
Chicken Fillets
Pine nuts ----> Butter
Spinach
caster sugar
Eggs Bagels
Kettle Toaster
Toilet Paper Kleenex balsam pocket tissues
Veggie Burgers -----> Onions
Carrots
Yes. I have lost my mind sufficiently to find that vaguely amusing/annoying. I've tried sleeping more but it's not helping.
On facebook again. I went through and removed about 30 people I'll never see or want to talk to again. Wish somebody would write an application to find people I might be interested in talking to. Everyone always seems to either have no time, has nothing in common with me so I end up faking it, or is only interested in the same old crap that I'd really love to not talk about anymore.
Gah.
Also there's no hot water, (since Friday night), and since my hair was already greasy after the rain, it feels rather fermented now. The landlady say it won't be fixed til Thursday but I'm guessing it'll take longer than that. I'd be livid if I didn't live above my landlord and already know that he has no hot water either. As it is, I just wonder why he's so useless. If you see me, I will most likely smell. Think I'll go swimming just so I can get a shower :-D
I'm drowning in things that I've sold and need to post, and I just lost £11 on postage for a guitar neck that turned out to have warped. On the plus side I just sold for £10 apiece a computer game that cost 99p and a textbook that nobody uses past their first term of CS. I guess I get lucky sometimes.
This entry has gone on too long. I probably wouldn't bother posting this at all except I haven't spoken to anyone since Thursday.
What bothers me is that it doesn't really capture what I'm thinking.
If you're not squeamish, then today I found a rather interesting book on reconstructive hand surgery:
http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=yl5BYZXIJfMC&pg=PA327&source=gbs_selected_pages&cad=0_1&sig=ACfU3U3eZC-XcjqrLeaSE4epk2aa7Lzbfg
Page 329 fascinated me, but pages either side are pretty interesting too. The book was written in 2003 so there are probably even better techniques by now. I always tend to imagine growing new tissues in culture and then grafting them into place, but I'm amazed how much can be done by repositioning what's already there. I was always interested in prosthetics and adaptation but I always found the injuries a little distressing at a personal level.
I'm somewhat lost about what I'm doing. I'm hoping I'll be housed on campus with reasonable people next year, and I need to remember to try new things. Only it's hard to remember. I have been ill for so fucking long I just don't see myself that way anymore. When I first came to uni I was hopeful and felt I could do anything. These days I just really don't leave the house when I don't actually HAVE to. I just don't have the energy. I'm determined to change that though. I'll never make it for another year if I don't.
It's hard for me to imagine anything deep or enlightening happening over the next year but I guess I'll just have to lose myself in what's available. If you don't know, I did 2 years Computer Science before quitting, and so my original year have nearly all just graduated. The year I'm in for Biology is 2 years behind me, and the people I'll be housed with will be 3 years younger. At least I know which things are vaguely worth doing this time round.
Ironically there are actually 2 other guys on my course around the same age as me who also changed their minds about what they're doing with their lives. I just have nothing to say to them. There was a girl too, but she just left.
There were other things I was going to say but they're gone, just a dull glimmer in the corner of my mind.
God that spell check is stupid.