I dont understand.
I dont understand how people can make themselves beautiful in less then 1 month. I mean, I am so sick of it.
So yeah... read on....
So I was walking on the tredmill minding my own right? And here is my grandma asking me to feel some fatty starched up bread. I was like, my hands are dirty. Then she asked me if i was keeping a log of how many miles or some shit that i am walking. I was like "why? I walk almost 6 miles every day," then they started complaining that i was being a bitch. Then my Grandpa was being a jerk and teliling me that i need to bend more, and that will get rid of my waist, because m butt is fine. I was like god, what else am I doing wrong? Then, because of this, I was getting frustrated I started saying that I was actually doing all of these things already, I do sit ups, i do leg lifts, I do all of this stuff recently. And, I was tired of people telling me things that I already knwe. And low and behold they started to yell at me. So i walked outside, sat down and started to cry. I came to the realization. I'm not good enough for them.
I mean, jesus. I got through highschool without their help. I got into college without their help. I met a boyfriend and got pregnant twice without their help. I think I can lose weight too without their help... but no, besides that I started to think how I wasn't good enough for Charlie and it really hurts when you're not good enough for somebody you really care about. It's ironic, i dont love my family at all...and to tell you the truth, I really dont even like them. But i think that is hteir fault, becase of what they say and how they say it.
But the point is, I am so tired of not feeling as if I am not good enough. It gets old, and after a while it really starts to hurt your self esteem, and damnit I finally had that back up.
fuck, I need to maybe just stop eating, and stop drinking anything except for water. Maybe if I fast foe 2 days, they'll realize that I am seriously doing it. Fuck sometiems I feel like I have to end up in the hospital or the mental institution before they will tryly understand how hard i am trying...
fucken eh, I dont undersand why I can't be good enough for them.
Fuck, I can barely be good enough for myself when it comestho how I look, god only knows how they feel about it. And those fuckers are over weight too. But at least I'm off my ass and trying to do something about it, instead of my grandpa only eating hard boiled eggs when he is fucking diabetic, what a moron. I hope he chokes on an egg soon. just so he can realize how unhealthy he is being.
(I swear, I dont mean half of this) But jesus h christ. I dont even know if I know what love is anymore... because for my whole life, I've never really felt it.
fuck, I'm screwed up.
So yeah... read on....
So I was walking on the tredmill minding my own right? And here is my grandma asking me to feel some fatty starched up bread. I was like, my hands are dirty. Then she asked me if i was keeping a log of how many miles or some shit that i am walking. I was like "why? I walk almost 6 miles every day," then they started complaining that i was being a bitch. Then my Grandpa was being a jerk and teliling me that i need to bend more, and that will get rid of my waist, because m butt is fine. I was like god, what else am I doing wrong? Then, because of this, I was getting frustrated I started saying that I was actually doing all of these things already, I do sit ups, i do leg lifts, I do all of this stuff recently. And, I was tired of people telling me things that I already knwe. And low and behold they started to yell at me. So i walked outside, sat down and started to cry. I came to the realization. I'm not good enough for them.
I mean, jesus. I got through highschool without their help. I got into college without their help. I met a boyfriend and got pregnant twice without their help. I think I can lose weight too without their help... but no, besides that I started to think how I wasn't good enough for Charlie and it really hurts when you're not good enough for somebody you really care about. It's ironic, i dont love my family at all...and to tell you the truth, I really dont even like them. But i think that is hteir fault, becase of what they say and how they say it.
But the point is, I am so tired of not feeling as if I am not good enough. It gets old, and after a while it really starts to hurt your self esteem, and damnit I finally had that back up.
fuck, I need to maybe just stop eating, and stop drinking anything except for water. Maybe if I fast foe 2 days, they'll realize that I am seriously doing it. Fuck sometiems I feel like I have to end up in the hospital or the mental institution before they will tryly understand how hard i am trying...
fucken eh, I dont undersand why I can't be good enough for them.
Fuck, I can barely be good enough for myself when it comestho how I look, god only knows how they feel about it. And those fuckers are over weight too. But at least I'm off my ass and trying to do something about it, instead of my grandpa only eating hard boiled eggs when he is fucking diabetic, what a moron. I hope he chokes on an egg soon. just so he can realize how unhealthy he is being.
(I swear, I dont mean half of this) But jesus h christ. I dont even know if I know what love is anymore... because for my whole life, I've never really felt it.
fuck, I'm screwed up.