"A Comfortable Silence"
Thursday
11:51pm
It's been a while again since I've updated, but as busy as I was I had nothing new to share. Today, it hit me again, the feeling that I had before, the old me going back into this low state with no confidence or self-esteem and have it dramatically overtaking me. I hate emotion when it's gone bad, I dislike the feeling of pain through my mind when I know I shouldn't of done something that I already did.
Regret and worry begin to pass through me with an event that I know I shouldn't have gone to.
A good friend of mine (very spontaneous) loves to plan gatherings always getting a special group of friends/close friends together to keep the high friendship level flowing. He did set up an invitation for people to come and enjoy a home-cooked meal while venturing the new changes onto his house, it looked great. However, coming to reality of who exactly would be there, little did I know that the feeling I had tried to erased came back in such a short period of time.
Arriving there already made it difficult to step out of my car even. I had no intention on staying so long, for that if I did, there would be no way of leaving without regret and worry. As soon as I entered, my thoughts began to run dry and I had panicked knowing and seeing someone there that I know I cannot hold a future with as I have always hoped and wish for in the past.
My everyday struggle of life consisted of her as a part of my thinking routine. She would be in my head until everything else falls and I have no more thoughts left. This memory would always trap me from living my life regular and stable, I wouldn't know what to do until I finally reached a point of logic. My decision to resolve the problem, was of course, to erase it...And so I did.
Now the feeling is back with me, I don't know what to do or who to go to. My emotions, once again, soak into me while I sit here with a loss for words, a lost appetite, and enduring the unfortunate truth of what life is like without her with me.
11:51pm
It's been a while again since I've updated, but as busy as I was I had nothing new to share. Today, it hit me again, the feeling that I had before, the old me going back into this low state with no confidence or self-esteem and have it dramatically overtaking me. I hate emotion when it's gone bad, I dislike the feeling of pain through my mind when I know I shouldn't of done something that I already did.
Regret and worry begin to pass through me with an event that I know I shouldn't have gone to.
A good friend of mine (very spontaneous) loves to plan gatherings always getting a special group of friends/close friends together to keep the high friendship level flowing. He did set up an invitation for people to come and enjoy a home-cooked meal while venturing the new changes onto his house, it looked great. However, coming to reality of who exactly would be there, little did I know that the feeling I had tried to erased came back in such a short period of time.
Arriving there already made it difficult to step out of my car even. I had no intention on staying so long, for that if I did, there would be no way of leaving without regret and worry. As soon as I entered, my thoughts began to run dry and I had panicked knowing and seeing someone there that I know I cannot hold a future with as I have always hoped and wish for in the past.
My everyday struggle of life consisted of her as a part of my thinking routine. She would be in my head until everything else falls and I have no more thoughts left. This memory would always trap me from living my life regular and stable, I wouldn't know what to do until I finally reached a point of logic. My decision to resolve the problem, was of course, to erase it...And so I did.
Now the feeling is back with me, I don't know what to do or who to go to. My emotions, once again, soak into me while I sit here with a loss for words, a lost appetite, and enduring the unfortunate truth of what life is like without her with me.