Hidden Emotions (Chapter 6)
Title: Hidden Emotions
Rating: R
Genre: angst, romance
Pairings: JaeChunSu...maybe some YunJae I dunno
Warnings: Violence, suicide attempts, sex
Author's Note: this is for a friend of mine (Junsuholic!) who wanted a really angsty YooSu story so this will be one of the most depressing stories I've ever written...hopefully I don't get depressed writing it >.<
Summary: the prologue says all haha
They came up with nothing. Yoochun had forced Changmin to search until they could barely keep their eyes open, and soaked to the bone, they headed back to Yoochun’s grand house. Several times Yoochun had called Jaejoong, hoping that maybe he knew where Junsu was. There was no answer and the search was going cold fast.
When morning rolled around, Changmin and Yoochun dragged themselves to school, knowing it was going to be long and tiring. It was when they arrived at the campus that Yoochun met up with Jaejoong. He grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the watchful eyes of Yunho and Changmin and glared at him.
“Why didn’t you return my calls?” he snapped, and Jaejoong blinked, unsure of how to answer. Yoochun looked at him and grabbed his shoulders. “Why didn’t you answer my calls?”
“I…I don’t know,” Jaejoong muttered, avoiding looking at Yoochun. “I had some things to take care of.”
“Fine, but have you seen Junsu?” Yoochun sighed, and Jaejoong’s head snapped up.
“Don’t start this again.”
“I need to know…his life’s in danger and if you know where he is you have to tell me.”
“He’s fine. I told you not to bring him up again so why aren’t you listening to me?” Jaejoong pulled away and glared at Yoochun. “Just leave him alone.”
“Jae…I just want to help him…I need to help him.” Yoochun bit his lip when the last part came out and Jaejoong’s eyes widened in shock. “Wait, I didn’t mean that! It’s just I think he’s really sick and if he needs to go to the hospital then someone should be there in case he needs someone.” Yoochun moaned; he just kept digging the hole deeper and deeper. “I’m sorry Jae…really.”
“You like him don’t you?”
There was no way he could deny it now, not when the question had slapped him in the face. Yoochun could feel his body go cold and his head bobbed up and down on its own. Jaejoong stared at him silently with no expression whatsoever and Yoochun wanted to give him permission to scream and punch all he wanted.
“Jae, please tell me where Junsu is,” he whispered, but Jaejoong turned and walked away.
“You’ll only get pain being with him…and me as well,” he said calmly, “just forget about him.”
Yoochun watched him go but was surprised to find he wasn’t as upset as he thought he’d be. Sighing he rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes, waiting for the pain of a break-up wash over him. When it didn’t happen he straightened up and went towards the office. He had a feeling he knew where Junsu was and he knew that office had what he was looking for.
~*~*~*~
Sunlight hit his face and he moaned, opening his eyes a crack. It was early in the day, and Junsu found he was lying in a familiar bed. His own bed. As he moved his head he could feel a pain shoot through his body and he closed his eyes, waiting for it to leave. Then he opened them again and looked around.
His wrists had been bandaged and he had been cleaned and changed into some pyjamas. Beside him was a glass of water and a piece of paper. Shakily he picked up the paper and read what was scribbled on it.
Do that again and I will kill you.
It wasn’t signed but Junsu knew the perfect writing anywhere. Sighing he held the paper tightly and read it over and over again. Maybe his hyung really did care for him after all. A weak smile crept onto his lips but he felt another wave of chest pain hit him and his eyes squeezed shut and he bit his lip. The paper was crumpled in his tightly clenched hand.
When the pain had ebbed away slightly, he opened his eyes and forced his weak body to sit up and drink some water. The liquid went down painfully and he winced but forced it all down. Then he shifted so he was sitting on the edge of his bed, holding it for support. He looked down at his wrists and sighed; he was so close but then he was saved. Was he supposed to stay alive, but why? What was the point if he was going to spend the rest of his life suffering and in pain?
Laughing softly, Junsu picked himself up and swayed slightly but grabbed the chair for support. He crossed over to the window to see what was going when a noise down below alerted him and he froze. He had forgotten his father didn’t work that often anymore and he whirled to face the door as the heavy, dragging footsteps crawled up the stairs. Frozen, Junsu held his breath, praying that his father just kept walking and didn’t stop at the door. It was at that point that Junsu noticed that his door wasn’t locked. All he could do, though, was stare in fright at it, as if any movement would alert his father and it would be game over. He noticed a pair of scissors sitting on his desk and moved slightly so he was able to grab them if needed.
Relief flooded through him when his father kept walking and he melted into the chair he held, shaking and weak. His forehead was matted with sweat and he shivered from fever. Suddenly his door knob jiggled and he must have jumped sky high from fear. He stumbled out of his chair and trembled from head to toe as the door opened, fearing the worst.
So it was his immense surprise when he saw Jaejoong walk through that door. Junsu staggered to his chair and Jaejoong hurried forward to help him, but he brushed him away. “Don’t touch me.”
“Junsu…is it true?” Jaejoong asked, dropping his arms. He crouched down beside Junsu and stared at him. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Junsu scoffed and turned his head defiantly. “Like I would tell you…after everything you did to me. Now that you find out something’s wrong you come running back to me, expecting that I’ll let you?”
“I didn’t want to,” Jaejoong whispered, and Junsu felt tears budding in his eyes. “Really Junsu, I did it for you…for us actually.”
“What are you talking about?”
Sighing, Jaejoong ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I don’t expect you to forgive me, not at all. But I had to do everything because I was forced to. When appa told me about your twin and our mother he was furious at me for not listening to him and he hated me for the relationship I had built with you. He wanted you dead…still wants you dead, but the only thing keeping you alive is me. He threatened to kill you and myself if I didn’t stop being with you. He said that if he couldn’t kill you with his own hands then he would make your life so miserable that you would want to do it yourself. But I didn’t want him to kill you so I did the only thing a thirteen year old boy could do. I let go of the most important person to me: you.”
A sob burst out of Junsu’s lips and he turned his head away, but Jaejoong grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug.
“You could have said no…you could have let him kill us,” Junsu cried, “it would have been better then living this kind of life. Letting me suffer, watching you succeed in everything. How could you live with yourself?”
“I got weekly reminders of our agreement,” Jaejoong whispered, rubbing Junsu’s back. “I couldn’t ignore it no matter how much I wanted to. I didn’t want to do it Junsu, please believe that.”
“I can never forgive you.” The sentence hurt Jaejoong more than anything, but he knew it was coming.
“I know…and I accept that, no matter how much that hurts. But at least tell me what’s wrong with you.”
Pulling away Junsu wiped his tears away and was about to say something, when his eyes widened and he gasped. Jaejoong turned to see what he was staring at and their father stood in the doorway, arms crossed.
“Aw, a little family reunion,” he spat, “I see you’ve forgotten the terms to our agreement Jaejoong. You’re supposed to stay away from that little fucker or I get to kill him with my bare hands.”
He took a step forward and Junsu winced as he felt another wave of pain hit him. He curled in on himself as Jaejoong stood up and blocked him from their father. “I’ve stood by doing nothing for seven years. There is no way in hell I’m going to let you hurt him anymore.”
“Well I did say I was going to kill you both so I don’t really care who’s first,” their father snapped, “besides if I get you out of the way first then it’ll be all the easier to get rid of him after.”
“How the hell can you call yourself a father?” Jaejoong demanded, hands curling into fists. Junsu moaned and the pain was so intense that he felt unconsciousness wash over him. Stubbornly he fought to keep conscious and through blurry vision he could see his brother standing in front of him.
“You would want to kill your own flesh and blood, for what? Because you think he killed your wife and son? Things like that happen you hear me, it’s all part of life. People are meant to die.”
“Well then that’s where you both fit in right? I guess this is your time to die then!”
He swung his fist at Jaejoong but Jaejoong was quick. He ducked and ran for his father’s waist. Grunting, the drunk man staggered back but was able to grab Jaejoong by the hair and jerk him away like he was a rag doll. Quickly Jaejoong leapt up and lunged at the man again, teeth clenched together and hands clenched. Successfully he landed a punch to his father’s cheek, and his father spat out blood chuckling.
“I guess you learned well,” he sighed, as Jaejoong stepped back in front of Junsu. “But not well enough.” Jaejoong gasped when his father produced a glinting knife from the kitchen. He took another step closer to Junsu, who was losing a battle with darkness. However, he noticed another shine from his desk and he leaned over to grab at it.
Without warning their father raced forward, grabbing Jaejoong and brought the knife down. Jaejoong gasped and both son and father curled over each other, while Junsu gasped and hoped he hadn’t been too late.
~*~*~*~
Yoochun glared at the receptionist who looked at him with equal stubbornness.
“Look, I just need an address, that’s all,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Please, couldn’t you just get me that?”
“I’m sorry but we have a conduct here about giving out personal information. Unless you have permission from that person then I can’t do anything about it,” she said in wheezing voice. “Now if you don’t mind, I have some paper work to get too.”
“Yeah, more like you’re brushing me off,” Yoochun mumbled, and the receptionist merely clucked her tongue and Yoochun briefly thought she sounded like a chicken. Chuckling under his breath he went up to Changmin and shook his head.
“Nothing. That bitch of a woman was so adamant about the rules you would think she invented them.”
Changmin snickered. “She looks old enough to have done them up…but I don’t know. Yunho’s M.I.A.-a.k.a. probably in class-and Jaejoong’s missing too. I don’t know what to tell you, but it’s not looking good.”
Yoochun slumped into a chair and sighed. “I just hope that he’s okay…I want to see him Min, I need to see him.”
“Something tells me there’s more to this than just seeing if he’s alright,” Changmin replied, sitting next to him. “Is there something I should know…about you and Jaejoong hyung?” Yoochun shrugged and picked at the chair absently.
“I think we broke up actually, and I’m not as hurt by it as I had thought. The only person I want to see right now is Junsu….” He bit his lip and Changmin smiled and patted his shoulder affectionately.
“That’s called love,” he said quietly, and Yoochun looked up at him. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re in love with Junsu.”
When Yoochun opened his mouth movement caught his eye and he looked up. Excitement lit up his face and he leapt up, waving in the direction. Changmin gave him a funny look and then looked over his shoulder. Then his eyes widened and he stood up.
“Yunho hyung!”
~*~*~*~
Junsu’s grip on the chair loosened and he collapsed to the floor, and felt vomit rise in his throat. He turned his head and threw up before collapsing to the floor in a panting heap. He stared at the bodies lying on the floor and another sob rose in his throat.
“Hyung?”
Suddenly his father’s body shifted slightly and he froze, briefly wondering if he had survived. But then Jaejoong grunted and pushed his father off him, and sat up dizzily. The pair of scissors were still clenched tightly in his hand. Junsu smiled and rested his head on the floor.
“Junsu!” Jaejoong exclaimed, crawling forward. Gingerly he reached out and placed a hand on his forehead. “Hang in there Su….”
“I’m…glad you’re alright,” Junsu whispered, his voice weakened. Then his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he lost all consciousness.
Rating: R
Genre: angst, romance
Pairings: JaeChunSu...maybe some YunJae I dunno
Warnings: Violence, suicide attempts, sex
Author's Note: this is for a friend of mine (Junsuholic!) who wanted a really angsty YooSu story so this will be one of the most depressing stories I've ever written...hopefully I don't get depressed writing it >.<
Summary: the prologue says all haha
They came up with nothing. Yoochun had forced Changmin to search until they could barely keep their eyes open, and soaked to the bone, they headed back to Yoochun’s grand house. Several times Yoochun had called Jaejoong, hoping that maybe he knew where Junsu was. There was no answer and the search was going cold fast.
When morning rolled around, Changmin and Yoochun dragged themselves to school, knowing it was going to be long and tiring. It was when they arrived at the campus that Yoochun met up with Jaejoong. He grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the watchful eyes of Yunho and Changmin and glared at him.
“Why didn’t you return my calls?” he snapped, and Jaejoong blinked, unsure of how to answer. Yoochun looked at him and grabbed his shoulders. “Why didn’t you answer my calls?”
“I…I don’t know,” Jaejoong muttered, avoiding looking at Yoochun. “I had some things to take care of.”
“Fine, but have you seen Junsu?” Yoochun sighed, and Jaejoong’s head snapped up.
“Don’t start this again.”
“I need to know…his life’s in danger and if you know where he is you have to tell me.”
“He’s fine. I told you not to bring him up again so why aren’t you listening to me?” Jaejoong pulled away and glared at Yoochun. “Just leave him alone.”
“Jae…I just want to help him…I need to help him.” Yoochun bit his lip when the last part came out and Jaejoong’s eyes widened in shock. “Wait, I didn’t mean that! It’s just I think he’s really sick and if he needs to go to the hospital then someone should be there in case he needs someone.” Yoochun moaned; he just kept digging the hole deeper and deeper. “I’m sorry Jae…really.”
“You like him don’t you?”
There was no way he could deny it now, not when the question had slapped him in the face. Yoochun could feel his body go cold and his head bobbed up and down on its own. Jaejoong stared at him silently with no expression whatsoever and Yoochun wanted to give him permission to scream and punch all he wanted.
“Jae, please tell me where Junsu is,” he whispered, but Jaejoong turned and walked away.
“You’ll only get pain being with him…and me as well,” he said calmly, “just forget about him.”
Yoochun watched him go but was surprised to find he wasn’t as upset as he thought he’d be. Sighing he rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes, waiting for the pain of a break-up wash over him. When it didn’t happen he straightened up and went towards the office. He had a feeling he knew where Junsu was and he knew that office had what he was looking for.
~*~*~*~
Sunlight hit his face and he moaned, opening his eyes a crack. It was early in the day, and Junsu found he was lying in a familiar bed. His own bed. As he moved his head he could feel a pain shoot through his body and he closed his eyes, waiting for it to leave. Then he opened them again and looked around.
His wrists had been bandaged and he had been cleaned and changed into some pyjamas. Beside him was a glass of water and a piece of paper. Shakily he picked up the paper and read what was scribbled on it.
Do that again and I will kill you.
It wasn’t signed but Junsu knew the perfect writing anywhere. Sighing he held the paper tightly and read it over and over again. Maybe his hyung really did care for him after all. A weak smile crept onto his lips but he felt another wave of chest pain hit him and his eyes squeezed shut and he bit his lip. The paper was crumpled in his tightly clenched hand.
When the pain had ebbed away slightly, he opened his eyes and forced his weak body to sit up and drink some water. The liquid went down painfully and he winced but forced it all down. Then he shifted so he was sitting on the edge of his bed, holding it for support. He looked down at his wrists and sighed; he was so close but then he was saved. Was he supposed to stay alive, but why? What was the point if he was going to spend the rest of his life suffering and in pain?
Laughing softly, Junsu picked himself up and swayed slightly but grabbed the chair for support. He crossed over to the window to see what was going when a noise down below alerted him and he froze. He had forgotten his father didn’t work that often anymore and he whirled to face the door as the heavy, dragging footsteps crawled up the stairs. Frozen, Junsu held his breath, praying that his father just kept walking and didn’t stop at the door. It was at that point that Junsu noticed that his door wasn’t locked. All he could do, though, was stare in fright at it, as if any movement would alert his father and it would be game over. He noticed a pair of scissors sitting on his desk and moved slightly so he was able to grab them if needed.
Relief flooded through him when his father kept walking and he melted into the chair he held, shaking and weak. His forehead was matted with sweat and he shivered from fever. Suddenly his door knob jiggled and he must have jumped sky high from fear. He stumbled out of his chair and trembled from head to toe as the door opened, fearing the worst.
So it was his immense surprise when he saw Jaejoong walk through that door. Junsu staggered to his chair and Jaejoong hurried forward to help him, but he brushed him away. “Don’t touch me.”
“Junsu…is it true?” Jaejoong asked, dropping his arms. He crouched down beside Junsu and stared at him. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Junsu scoffed and turned his head defiantly. “Like I would tell you…after everything you did to me. Now that you find out something’s wrong you come running back to me, expecting that I’ll let you?”
“I didn’t want to,” Jaejoong whispered, and Junsu felt tears budding in his eyes. “Really Junsu, I did it for you…for us actually.”
“What are you talking about?”
Sighing, Jaejoong ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I don’t expect you to forgive me, not at all. But I had to do everything because I was forced to. When appa told me about your twin and our mother he was furious at me for not listening to him and he hated me for the relationship I had built with you. He wanted you dead…still wants you dead, but the only thing keeping you alive is me. He threatened to kill you and myself if I didn’t stop being with you. He said that if he couldn’t kill you with his own hands then he would make your life so miserable that you would want to do it yourself. But I didn’t want him to kill you so I did the only thing a thirteen year old boy could do. I let go of the most important person to me: you.”
A sob burst out of Junsu’s lips and he turned his head away, but Jaejoong grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug.
“You could have said no…you could have let him kill us,” Junsu cried, “it would have been better then living this kind of life. Letting me suffer, watching you succeed in everything. How could you live with yourself?”
“I got weekly reminders of our agreement,” Jaejoong whispered, rubbing Junsu’s back. “I couldn’t ignore it no matter how much I wanted to. I didn’t want to do it Junsu, please believe that.”
“I can never forgive you.” The sentence hurt Jaejoong more than anything, but he knew it was coming.
“I know…and I accept that, no matter how much that hurts. But at least tell me what’s wrong with you.”
Pulling away Junsu wiped his tears away and was about to say something, when his eyes widened and he gasped. Jaejoong turned to see what he was staring at and their father stood in the doorway, arms crossed.
“Aw, a little family reunion,” he spat, “I see you’ve forgotten the terms to our agreement Jaejoong. You’re supposed to stay away from that little fucker or I get to kill him with my bare hands.”
He took a step forward and Junsu winced as he felt another wave of pain hit him. He curled in on himself as Jaejoong stood up and blocked him from their father. “I’ve stood by doing nothing for seven years. There is no way in hell I’m going to let you hurt him anymore.”
“Well I did say I was going to kill you both so I don’t really care who’s first,” their father snapped, “besides if I get you out of the way first then it’ll be all the easier to get rid of him after.”
“How the hell can you call yourself a father?” Jaejoong demanded, hands curling into fists. Junsu moaned and the pain was so intense that he felt unconsciousness wash over him. Stubbornly he fought to keep conscious and through blurry vision he could see his brother standing in front of him.
“You would want to kill your own flesh and blood, for what? Because you think he killed your wife and son? Things like that happen you hear me, it’s all part of life. People are meant to die.”
“Well then that’s where you both fit in right? I guess this is your time to die then!”
He swung his fist at Jaejoong but Jaejoong was quick. He ducked and ran for his father’s waist. Grunting, the drunk man staggered back but was able to grab Jaejoong by the hair and jerk him away like he was a rag doll. Quickly Jaejoong leapt up and lunged at the man again, teeth clenched together and hands clenched. Successfully he landed a punch to his father’s cheek, and his father spat out blood chuckling.
“I guess you learned well,” he sighed, as Jaejoong stepped back in front of Junsu. “But not well enough.” Jaejoong gasped when his father produced a glinting knife from the kitchen. He took another step closer to Junsu, who was losing a battle with darkness. However, he noticed another shine from his desk and he leaned over to grab at it.
Without warning their father raced forward, grabbing Jaejoong and brought the knife down. Jaejoong gasped and both son and father curled over each other, while Junsu gasped and hoped he hadn’t been too late.
~*~*~*~
Yoochun glared at the receptionist who looked at him with equal stubbornness.
“Look, I just need an address, that’s all,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Please, couldn’t you just get me that?”
“I’m sorry but we have a conduct here about giving out personal information. Unless you have permission from that person then I can’t do anything about it,” she said in wheezing voice. “Now if you don’t mind, I have some paper work to get too.”
“Yeah, more like you’re brushing me off,” Yoochun mumbled, and the receptionist merely clucked her tongue and Yoochun briefly thought she sounded like a chicken. Chuckling under his breath he went up to Changmin and shook his head.
“Nothing. That bitch of a woman was so adamant about the rules you would think she invented them.”
Changmin snickered. “She looks old enough to have done them up…but I don’t know. Yunho’s M.I.A.-a.k.a. probably in class-and Jaejoong’s missing too. I don’t know what to tell you, but it’s not looking good.”
Yoochun slumped into a chair and sighed. “I just hope that he’s okay…I want to see him Min, I need to see him.”
“Something tells me there’s more to this than just seeing if he’s alright,” Changmin replied, sitting next to him. “Is there something I should know…about you and Jaejoong hyung?” Yoochun shrugged and picked at the chair absently.
“I think we broke up actually, and I’m not as hurt by it as I had thought. The only person I want to see right now is Junsu….” He bit his lip and Changmin smiled and patted his shoulder affectionately.
“That’s called love,” he said quietly, and Yoochun looked up at him. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re in love with Junsu.”
When Yoochun opened his mouth movement caught his eye and he looked up. Excitement lit up his face and he leapt up, waving in the direction. Changmin gave him a funny look and then looked over his shoulder. Then his eyes widened and he stood up.
“Yunho hyung!”
~*~*~*~
Junsu’s grip on the chair loosened and he collapsed to the floor, and felt vomit rise in his throat. He turned his head and threw up before collapsing to the floor in a panting heap. He stared at the bodies lying on the floor and another sob rose in his throat.
“Hyung?”
Suddenly his father’s body shifted slightly and he froze, briefly wondering if he had survived. But then Jaejoong grunted and pushed his father off him, and sat up dizzily. The pair of scissors were still clenched tightly in his hand. Junsu smiled and rested his head on the floor.
“Junsu!” Jaejoong exclaimed, crawling forward. Gingerly he reached out and placed a hand on his forehead. “Hang in there Su….”
“I’m…glad you’re alright,” Junsu whispered, his voice weakened. Then his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he lost all consciousness.