Jul 07, 2008 09:39
it's beeeaaaautiful today. alas it is a monday. 5 days of work then weekend.
i did indeed have a pretty relaxing weekend. boyfriend burnt hand on fireworks. he was lighting my giant sparkler... i really don't like fourth of july very much. fake bombs make me feel guilty.
went and saw big business on saturday. they were pretty good, bummed about melvins being 21+ less than a month before my birthday. bah.
yeah a lot of lazing around. i worked a significant amount on my fourth step which totally took weight off my shoulders. taylor was nagging me saying that my fourth step will make me want to drink. really i know all this stuff in my past has happened and it doesn't necessarily facilitate happiness to think about it let alone chronicle this shit but it takes a lot of effort to deceive myself and pretend that things didn't happen or they happened a way they actually didn't. i mean that all REALLY BLOWS. i don't want to be afraid or insecure or needy. im sick of coping with my coping mechanisms dammit.
whatever effort i have to put in to being honest is completely worth it. so i just have to do what it is that i need to do. whatever that is, i really don't know. i'm figuring it out though. trial and error. blah blahbitty blah blah blah.