hi amy! i dont stalk lj very often at all but this post is amazing enough to inspire me into anonymous commentary!
i find there is a freedom that comes with admitting such things. accepting a lot of this as a default has been very liberating for me. you and i are wired very differently WRT social tendencies and motivations, but quite similarly in many other ways i think. i dont mean in a juvenile surface level way like being miserable/self pitying or something silly like that. more things like needing to be treated a certain way, and that quite profound feeling of, despite being seemingly destined for and gravitating towards some fairly special things/situations/people, and knowing it and trying to appreciate it, that feeling that nothing will ever really be enough... not in the emo way like 'nothing will be enough to take away this pain!!!!!!!!', just more like an insatiability, no matter how good things get we will always need more. i eventually learned to channel it into a way to stay motivated and keep evolving and pushing forward rather than just feeling sorry for myself, but it took me some years, and i still struggle with letting go and being satisfied. i don't mean to be presumptuous or anything, i sense that you might be similar to me in struggling with this kind of thing but i could be wrong.
anyway i hope our paths cross soon. i need drunken conversations with you, plus ester and some other people! i havent been trying to be antisocial at all, annette and i eat out nearly every night and always aim to go to stuff... there just havent really been any great shows on/extortion havent been playing/11th keep cancelling/etc.
i find there is a freedom that comes with admitting such things. accepting a lot of this as a default has been very liberating for me. you and i are wired very differently WRT social tendencies and motivations, but quite similarly in many other ways i think. i dont mean in a juvenile surface level way like being miserable/self pitying or something silly like that. more things like needing to be treated a certain way, and that quite profound feeling of, despite being seemingly destined for and gravitating towards some fairly special things/situations/people, and knowing it and trying to appreciate it, that feeling that nothing will ever really be enough... not in the emo way like 'nothing will be enough to take away this pain!!!!!!!!', just more like an insatiability, no matter how good things get we will always need more. i eventually learned to channel it into a way to stay motivated and keep evolving and pushing forward rather than just feeling sorry for myself, but it took me some years, and i still struggle with letting go and being satisfied. i don't mean to be presumptuous or anything, i sense that you might be similar to me in struggling with this kind of thing but i could be wrong.
anyway i hope our paths cross soon. i need drunken conversations with you, plus ester and some other people! i havent been trying to be antisocial at all, annette and i eat out nearly every night and always aim to go to stuff... there just havent really been any great shows on/extortion havent been playing/11th keep cancelling/etc.
xo jay
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