[[this is one hell of a long post]]
must i wear colours without my consent? must i wear pastels that define weakness [in my opinion, that is]?, must i dress femininely? must i not wear black? must i conform to society's norms? must i dress like every other people? must i follow fashion? must i wear humiliating and disgusting form of clothings designed only for kids with Barbie waists? must i bear my flesh? must i wear skirts? must i dress simply and plainly? must i be like my sister? must i wear other hues that is unlike what i would prefer?
must i? must i? must i?
i will not wear pink, nor any other feminine colours. i will not wear pastels in any way possible. i will continue dressing boyishly [if that is the way you want to describe it]. i will continue wearing all-black. i will wear only dark colours. i will dress as i wish. i will not wear what the magazines say. i will not conform. i will not bend my ways because everybody else is. i will not wear skirts, nor frilly blouses meant for girls who giggle extensively. i will not dress like a clown. i will not be cloned to look like every other girl. i will wear my accessories as i wish to. i will dress as i see fit. i will not dress like my sister. i will dress as i wish to.
my mum and i always end up shouting and shooting daggers at each other in the clothes store.
and i'm not kidding.
...
so, school was good. NOT!
sure, there were all the going-back-and-meeting-friends-again aura before i stepped into the school's compound. i went through the gate, i felt sick immediately. the atmosphere was overwhelming! i did not intend to show a barely awake and sour look to people around. unfortunately, my facial muscles got the better of me. i gave everyone who said 'hi', my special drug-addict smile [pretentious or not?], the one whose lips couldn't go anymore crooked and whom eyes couldn't even open. i went to the school bleachers, that was where everyone had promised to meet each other. no one was there. if there's one thing i hate is that when people don't fulfill their promises. so what did miss unhappily-going-back-to-school do? she went searching all around [it was almost impossible with the herds of new juniors coming in] i wanted to shout at them : this is a PUBLIC hallway, not for you to stand there chatting your ass off and make everybody else squeeze around your smelly armpits! get to the effing pavillion or field! but i din't. because it wouldn't be audible anyway.
i met the gang at guess where? the sidewalk in front of the dusty intolerable science lab. kushwin came running to me and greeted me with a huge hug. i just stood there like a pole. things between us and kush are still pretty awkward. i fakely smiled [obvious or not i do not know] at everybody [jane, raja, kush]. i do not know why, it wasn't like i was not happy to see them, i was just tired and just not there. i was genuinely happy when i met chris though. i wanted to stay and chat with her, but a minute later she was gone [that aneesha is such a magic carpet] so i was stuck alone wandering aimlessly [i correct myself : moshing aimlessly would be a better substitute] until i met liyana and shal. phew! finally someone that i know. i saw chris then again, with aneesha. my heart told me to drag chris away from that muted girl [call me selfish or anything]. and then back with everybody. excluding shamine. i din't see her nor her radioactive bag [friggin distinctive, dude] anywhere until we waved like mad to each other at the weekly assembly in the stuffy, over-populated hall.
i was bored already then. everything sucked. the class, the place switches, sitting on the edge of the room with the ugliest table around, the temporary class teachers, the newly stitched patterns on my bag [which i have already taken out do to its ugliness], the dingy lights. i was sick to the max already. on the first day. wish me luck on my school days this year. because i would really, really, really need it.
must i? must i? must i?
i will not wear pink, nor any other feminine colours. i will not wear pastels in any way possible. i will continue dressing boyishly [if that is the way you want to describe it]. i will continue wearing all-black. i will wear only dark colours. i will dress as i wish. i will not wear what the magazines say. i will not conform. i will not bend my ways because everybody else is. i will not wear skirts, nor frilly blouses meant for girls who giggle extensively. i will not dress like a clown. i will not be cloned to look like every other girl. i will wear my accessories as i wish to. i will dress as i see fit. i will not dress like my sister. i will dress as i wish to.
my mum and i always end up shouting and shooting daggers at each other in the clothes store.
and i'm not kidding.
...
so, school was good. NOT!
sure, there were all the going-back-and-meeting-friends-again aura before i stepped into the school's compound. i went through the gate, i felt sick immediately. the atmosphere was overwhelming! i did not intend to show a barely awake and sour look to people around. unfortunately, my facial muscles got the better of me. i gave everyone who said 'hi', my special drug-addict smile [pretentious or not?], the one whose lips couldn't go anymore crooked and whom eyes couldn't even open. i went to the school bleachers, that was where everyone had promised to meet each other. no one was there. if there's one thing i hate is that when people don't fulfill their promises. so what did miss unhappily-going-back-to-school do? she went searching all around [it was almost impossible with the herds of new juniors coming in] i wanted to shout at them : this is a PUBLIC hallway, not for you to stand there chatting your ass off and make everybody else squeeze around your smelly armpits! get to the effing pavillion or field! but i din't. because it wouldn't be audible anyway.
i met the gang at guess where? the sidewalk in front of the dusty intolerable science lab. kushwin came running to me and greeted me with a huge hug. i just stood there like a pole. things between us and kush are still pretty awkward. i fakely smiled [obvious or not i do not know] at everybody [jane, raja, kush]. i do not know why, it wasn't like i was not happy to see them, i was just tired and just not there. i was genuinely happy when i met chris though. i wanted to stay and chat with her, but a minute later she was gone [that aneesha is such a magic carpet] so i was stuck alone wandering aimlessly [i correct myself : moshing aimlessly would be a better substitute] until i met liyana and shal. phew! finally someone that i know. i saw chris then again, with aneesha. my heart told me to drag chris away from that muted girl [call me selfish or anything]. and then back with everybody. excluding shamine. i din't see her nor her radioactive bag [friggin distinctive, dude] anywhere until we waved like mad to each other at the weekly assembly in the stuffy, over-populated hall.
i was bored already then. everything sucked. the class, the place switches, sitting on the edge of the room with the ugliest table around, the temporary class teachers, the newly stitched patterns on my bag [which i have already taken out do to its ugliness], the dingy lights. i was sick to the max already. on the first day. wish me luck on my school days this year. because i would really, really, really need it.