Im actually in a good mood.
So I guess I will just let it all spill out.
Me and Dianne broke up a few weeks after school. I found out that three days later after our break up she started dating Jimmy Mann. It leads me to believe she dumped me for a different reason then what she said.
I tried hard for Dianne. But she never trusted me. How can you get close to someone who never trusts you? Never tells you anything about herself. Always, and I mean ALWAYS playing hard to get. I was always chasing her. Chasing her to tell me things about her, chasing her to trust me, chasing her for happiness. How can you love someone who never trusts you. Yeah I became a jerk, but thats not me. I said alot of things but I said them because I didn't want to create feelings for her. I was trying to create distance, though this doesn't excuse what I said. But why have feelings for someone who doesn't trust you. Always thinking your going to dump her, or cheat on her or whatnot. I opened up to Dianne, and let her get to know me. But I still to this day don't know who Dianne is. Yeah I was a jerk. But when you are alway, ALWAYS trying for something you can't achieve you start to get bitter. I was always on the outside looking in with Dianne. Try dating someone for five months and try wanting to love them but never being able to because you are not trusted and you really don't know this person you want to love. It fucking sucks. Then get to the end of the school year where she will be graduating and throw in a few rumors saying your am gonna dump her. She believes that you are, because she doesn't trust you and then the entire last month of school is her waiting for you to dump her. How would that make you feel? I didn't want to dump and I didn't, she dumped me. And over something petty, over something that I did. Something very stupid on my part. I apologise for it. But it was just one last thing that put me over the top. Because she hates her body I had to suffer for it. I was always suffering because of her hate for herself. To scared to let me in because she hates herself.
I admitt I was jealous, pissed off and hurt when I found out about Jimmy and Dianne. But I got over myself. I have realized that she is a grown woman capable of her own choices. It made me think, am I a scumbag because all she dates are scum bags? Don't get me wrong I like Jimmy, Fuad and Jesus, but they are scumbag boyfriends. I am not a scumbag. The man that dated Dianne is not the man sitting here. I was a jerk. The man sitting here is not, but can be. I guess she perfers guys who don't ask much of her other than to put out. She brought out the worst in me and did a good job. I am a romanitic. I really am. I could never be that with Dianne because she never let me. I am not saying that she is the only person at fault but what I can say is that I feel like I did right. I fucked up a few times, but I still tried. I feel like I did my best and I shouldn't have to suffer for it no longer. I figure right now that she wanted me to be a jerk because thats the kind of guys she dates. She got me good. Like she once said to me "sometimes the worst kind of pain is the best kind of pleasure."
Im ok today. After a long talk with good friend I saw things straight. She has her own life and I have mine. I don't feel the attachment anymore. I don't care about her anymore. I already put myself through hell for her and I came out the other side a better man.
I am not asking for pity, or feel-betters, or you-where-right-jesse, but honest truth. No more games.
I do think I should stop dating older woman. My last EX made me never want to date agian and I remained single for 3 years before Dianne. She was also older than me. Although she just recently apologised to me for whatever reason. I need to date young and mold them... bloody brilliant. OR just stay single for 6 years...
Woman suck just as much as guys do, if not more.
Me and Dianne broke up a few weeks after school. I found out that three days later after our break up she started dating Jimmy Mann. It leads me to believe she dumped me for a different reason then what she said.
I tried hard for Dianne. But she never trusted me. How can you get close to someone who never trusts you? Never tells you anything about herself. Always, and I mean ALWAYS playing hard to get. I was always chasing her. Chasing her to tell me things about her, chasing her to trust me, chasing her for happiness. How can you love someone who never trusts you. Yeah I became a jerk, but thats not me. I said alot of things but I said them because I didn't want to create feelings for her. I was trying to create distance, though this doesn't excuse what I said. But why have feelings for someone who doesn't trust you. Always thinking your going to dump her, or cheat on her or whatnot. I opened up to Dianne, and let her get to know me. But I still to this day don't know who Dianne is. Yeah I was a jerk. But when you are alway, ALWAYS trying for something you can't achieve you start to get bitter. I was always on the outside looking in with Dianne. Try dating someone for five months and try wanting to love them but never being able to because you are not trusted and you really don't know this person you want to love. It fucking sucks. Then get to the end of the school year where she will be graduating and throw in a few rumors saying your am gonna dump her. She believes that you are, because she doesn't trust you and then the entire last month of school is her waiting for you to dump her. How would that make you feel? I didn't want to dump and I didn't, she dumped me. And over something petty, over something that I did. Something very stupid on my part. I apologise for it. But it was just one last thing that put me over the top. Because she hates her body I had to suffer for it. I was always suffering because of her hate for herself. To scared to let me in because she hates herself.
I admitt I was jealous, pissed off and hurt when I found out about Jimmy and Dianne. But I got over myself. I have realized that she is a grown woman capable of her own choices. It made me think, am I a scumbag because all she dates are scum bags? Don't get me wrong I like Jimmy, Fuad and Jesus, but they are scumbag boyfriends. I am not a scumbag. The man that dated Dianne is not the man sitting here. I was a jerk. The man sitting here is not, but can be. I guess she perfers guys who don't ask much of her other than to put out. She brought out the worst in me and did a good job. I am a romanitic. I really am. I could never be that with Dianne because she never let me. I am not saying that she is the only person at fault but what I can say is that I feel like I did right. I fucked up a few times, but I still tried. I feel like I did my best and I shouldn't have to suffer for it no longer. I figure right now that she wanted me to be a jerk because thats the kind of guys she dates. She got me good. Like she once said to me "sometimes the worst kind of pain is the best kind of pleasure."
Im ok today. After a long talk with good friend I saw things straight. She has her own life and I have mine. I don't feel the attachment anymore. I don't care about her anymore. I already put myself through hell for her and I came out the other side a better man.
I am not asking for pity, or feel-betters, or you-where-right-jesse, but honest truth. No more games.
I do think I should stop dating older woman. My last EX made me never want to date agian and I remained single for 3 years before Dianne. She was also older than me. Although she just recently apologised to me for whatever reason. I need to date young and mold them... bloody brilliant. OR just stay single for 6 years...
Woman suck just as much as guys do, if not more.