Norms
This is so tough. Although this is my choice and I open up myself to be hurt because I care so damn much, it's still tough and I have to live with my decision.
I guess nobody will understand why I've decided to stay by his side. Even after all the hurt and the pain, the rejection and the insanity of the whole situation, I still chose to be a friend to someone in need. I can't understand it myself.
There's nothing to gain but a miracle...
Through this whole ordeal, the voice of the devil throws emotional obstacles and reminds me of past hurts .' He's not worth it for you to sacrifice your time.' 'If the pain of the past hurts you so much, cut him out of your life.' Sometimes, it hurts so much that I want to die. I don't like to think about the past and there's no point in it at all. But they surface every once in a while to stab me with it's thorns. Thank God, the frequency is slowing down these days.
And yet, the voice of the angel sooths away all pain and reminds me that God provides and is always there to catch me when I fall. No element of fear can take that all perfect love away from me. Whatever choice I make, God never gets angry and He'll still make something glorious out of it.
This major undertaking is sucking all of me dry and yet God fills the void up right away with more and more wonderful things. Is this a dream that I have not woken up from yet? What if I don't want to wake up? What if dreams do come true? In a cynical world like ours, people don't believe in fairytales and miracles anymore. But I've never been the norm.
I think very differently from many. Since a child. I am fearless and yet I fear. There are many people who would think my life could be led a better way, but in truth, there is no better way but your own. There is no good or bad. No losing or winning. It is just a choice.
And the more people try to influence me to do things the 'right' way or rather their way, I resist.
Sigh.
I've got to stay strong. For myself.