so let me in
i'm just (sososo) sad. i really don't know what i'm going to do with my life (i think i'll fail) and it's scary. i don't think i'm going to do okay. i have no confidence (nowill), wouldn't that scare you too? maybe i'm a puppet without a master (without a dream what's the point of being me?) tell me what to do (pleasepleaseplease) guide me, help me, tell me what to do!
who can i talk to? who can i talk to without feeling like a burden (you're sososo selfish)? someone who won't say those (stupidstupidstupid) words like "it'll be ok" or "aw ):" or try to touch me. i don't need people like that please just listen to me.
bonds are important, family is important, am i important?
are families supposed to be dysfunctional? are they supposed to all hate each other? are they supposed to yell at each other and curse each other and ignore each other? i suppose it's normal to some people and i am used to it, but i can't help but wonder where it went (sososo) wrong. the eldest child who can't face her mother, the middle child that curses out her father, the youngest child that ignores the existance of her sister, the mother that knows nothing about her children, the father that yells at his children, the family that resent each other.
they were fighting the other day. it's a normal occurance, but it just pains me when i realize we can't even communicate with our parents. my sister says what she can in chinese, but just says the rest in english (fuckyouyoudontknowanything) and my father still yells in chinese. apart from their limited english, they know curses because of how often they fight. the outside parties (whywhywhyamihere) try to ignore them, but it's hard when they're loud. is it okay to fight this much?
i don't know how to make friends. i can introduce myself and make a fool of myself doing so, but does that mean they will want me as a friend? sometimes (alwaysalwaysalways you liar) i regret meeting some people. they forget about me or just don't talk to me in general but that's okay, i can get over it (pretenditsokayitsokay). and other times they annoy me to no end and i hate them. do friends do that? i am not a good person (sososohorrible) but i guess it's my nature to be like this. i get bored quickly and leave things behind. maybe i shouldn't feel so bad when i'm the one tossed aside, but it's (sososo) easy to do it to other people. i...maybe i should be alone.
there's nothing i want to do. my life is empty and there's nothing to occupy myself. i have no escape (ihavenohope). i don't want to be here. i don't want to be alive. i don't want to be. (helpmefindmeaning)
who can i talk to? who can i talk to without feeling like a burden (you're sososo selfish)? someone who won't say those (stupidstupidstupid) words like "it'll be ok" or "aw ):" or try to touch me. i don't need people like that please just listen to me.
bonds are important, family is important, am i important?
are families supposed to be dysfunctional? are they supposed to all hate each other? are they supposed to yell at each other and curse each other and ignore each other? i suppose it's normal to some people and i am used to it, but i can't help but wonder where it went (sososo) wrong. the eldest child who can't face her mother, the middle child that curses out her father, the youngest child that ignores the existance of her sister, the mother that knows nothing about her children, the father that yells at his children, the family that resent each other.
they were fighting the other day. it's a normal occurance, but it just pains me when i realize we can't even communicate with our parents. my sister says what she can in chinese, but just says the rest in english (fuckyouyoudontknowanything) and my father still yells in chinese. apart from their limited english, they know curses because of how often they fight. the outside parties (whywhywhyamihere) try to ignore them, but it's hard when they're loud. is it okay to fight this much?
i don't know how to make friends. i can introduce myself and make a fool of myself doing so, but does that mean they will want me as a friend? sometimes (alwaysalwaysalways you liar) i regret meeting some people. they forget about me or just don't talk to me in general but that's okay, i can get over it (pretenditsokayitsokay). and other times they annoy me to no end and i hate them. do friends do that? i am not a good person (sososohorrible) but i guess it's my nature to be like this. i get bored quickly and leave things behind. maybe i shouldn't feel so bad when i'm the one tossed aside, but it's (sososo) easy to do it to other people. i...maybe i should be alone.
there's nothing i want to do. my life is empty and there's nothing to occupy myself. i have no escape (ihavenohope). i don't want to be here. i don't want to be alive. i don't want to be. (helpmefindmeaning)