**AHHH**
hey guys...ok i havent written in so freaken long and i need to vent so I figured this was a good place to do that...well first thing im pissed about lol there is this new thing called mystic tanning and u stand in a room for 6o seconds and your whole body gets tanned with a spray...yeah i looked good last night..and then i woke up this morning and my hands look dirty and my arms have lines all over then im so pissed thank god im not leaving the house today lol...and tomorrow i'm wearing a sweater to work i dont care what the fuck they say..anyway..now my huge ass issue..matt ...now theres a surprise lol..(HUGE SARCASM) lol ok since i have no life im gonna explain day for day how the past week has been...first off..we were doing sooo good i couldnt even believe it..we even got our pictures professionally done ok..anyway it all started last friday..he had to work until 9 or 9 30..but its his dads weekend so he had to go there after work...and when its his dads weekend i hardly talk to him the whole weekend that way he has more time with his dad..anyway i said do u wanna stop by my house b4 u go to your dads so i can see you...may i mind you that his work is 5 mins from my house..and he said "im gonna be way too tired grace i just wanna go to his house and sleep" so i was like alright ..no biggie imt hinking right...wrong!!!! so that night i was talking to dan ont he phone and he goes "oh guess who i saw at the mall tonight" and im like"umm who" and he says "matt" ummmmmmm hello!!!! too tired to go to my house for 5 mins but u can get all dressed out of your work clothes and go to the mall??? so of course i was more hurt than mad ..i felt like he didnt wanna see me...so the next morning i talked to him and he's like"stop acting like my mother id idnt have to call you blah blah blah" and i said all u could have done was called me and said i didnt wanna see u i wanted to go to the mall..and hes like its not that i didnt wanna see you so on and so on..so anyway saturday night i went to brandi's and we drank a little...he called me while we were all in the woods and he was pissed that i was drinking...umm when did he all of a sudden care?? so he had to go to the hospital cause the arch in his foot was hurting ..i still say he should have just massaged it and it would have been fine but we all know guys are bigger babies than girls are lol...so anyway..we usually talk on sunday night for a long time and we didnt ..and we usually only get to hang out 2 times a week which of course is not enough lol we have monday night and wednesday night and usually about 4 hours each night thats it...anyway on the way to work monday morning he says ohh i might be staying at work all night...wtf when the hell were u planning on telling me ...i'm thinking ohh great so now we can only hang out on wednesday...so after he got out he plays his new video game for like hours on end..which means he doesnt talk to me on the phone..i feel like he doesnt even care...ahhh..so tuesday night he has school so what ever but we still didnt talk after that cause i think he went over billys..which is no biggie..so then wednesday we went to wrenthem outlets and then went to billys to watch 8 mile.. so that was an ok day i guess..so thursday comes and i didnt have to go to work until 6 and he got out at 3 so we planned on hanging out for a little bit..guess what ..we didnt..then at night we didnt talk cause his video game is taking over his life..and im not kidding ..so friday i didnt really talk to him either..and saturday i was supposed to go out with brandi around 6 or 7 and he was supposed to hang out with adam around 6 so we decided to hang out for a little bit before we hung out with them..i told him call me early so we have a while to do stuff and he was like ok no prob...so its like 9 30 or so and iw oke up and he stilld idnt call which is unlike him cause he wakes up at like 6 lol..so i called him and he was still sleeping..or so he says ..i dont know what to believe anymore..so he said let me sleep a little longer and i'll call u when i wake up im like ok...yeah so 12 noon comes around and still no call from matt..i called his house and his mom said he was out and about...once again what the fuck!!!?!!? so i called him on his cell and he didnt pick up...so i called hima gain like 15 mins later from private number and he picks up..i mean really what am i supposed to think here ...and he says my dad called me to do some errands and i didnt wanna call u or anyone cause i was so aggravated...then i hear someone int he background and it's j.c and i said u were too aggravated to just call me but he can go along for the ride??? so i said well i guess we arent seeing each other again today and he said well if my dad diddnt have me do all this shit i would have ...so im thinking in my head umm ok we stil;l have time to do stuff why isnt he asking me to hang out..so he said im gonna go for now i said ok...so since it was so nice out yesterday i figured im not staying in ..i'll go walk zoey(my dog) lol so he calls while im goin down the street and he asks what im doing and he has the nerve to tell me hes gonna go play basketball..ahhhhhhhhhh!!! what happened to seeing your gf ?? so i was like ok no big deal have fun...so i went to brandi's last night and it seems i have way more fun when im hanign out with all of "the crew" then i do with anyone here ...maybe its cause i have no worries while im there and no one knows anyone here in taunton..i dont know..but anyway i called matt this morning and he had more errands to do with his dad ..so he says..i left this part out sorry...one day last week he said to me "billy and i have come to the conclusion that u and hope are pain in the asses" ohh thats wonderful i said to him i like how u talk shit about me to your friends but when my friends talk shit about u i always stick up for you..what the fuck is that really...and also yesterday while iw as hainging out with jen i talked to him on my cell phone and he said "i didnt wanna hang out with u on friday so thats why i said iw as gonan be too tired" ok can u say asshole??? he could have just said i wanna hang out with adam and not go to your house...grrr!!! ok so now the money issue...if anyone knows me well enought hey know that i am not a material person at all...but still what i have to say makes sense...ok i spent over 1000 dollars on matt for christmas..he probably spent 50-100 ..which to me is plentyfor my birthday he bought me flowers..which to me is plenty ..all the other people were like ohhhh what did he get you hehehe and i said nothing..he bought me flowers..theyw ere like "oh" but i was hapy:) anyway for our anniversary i bought him a fucken spoiler for his car cause i knew thats what he really wanted..he wrote me a letter..yes thats all he gave me a letter..and that letter was the ebst present anyone could ever give me ..it meant more to me than anything...but now here comes the part that pisses me off the most...he always says to me " i feel bad hunnie cause i cant afford to buy u nice things" and i told him id idnt care and he knows i dont care ...my 400 dollar engament ring has been on layaway for the past like 6 months.. yes i said 400 dollars lol..because once again im not a material person and i told him id idnt care how big the diamond was as long as it was in the shape of a heart..but anyway he still only put 50 dollars down on it..and this is the part that make sme mad..he tells me he doesnt have enough money to buy me stuff but he buys a new video game like every 2 or 3 weeks..he buys new hats all the time..he buys jerseys that he is only gonna wear like 2 times..and dont get me wrong id ont care if he buys shit for himself but then he has the nerve to complain to me all week that he has no money...and he cant use the excuse that we hang out a lot because we didnt spend one penny on each other last week..and i still seem to have like 400 dollars in my wallet and i bet he has like 20 ..and half the time when we go out guess who pays?? me!!! with an exception of a few times..i dont wanna make him sound too much of an asshole lol..he does pay once and a while haha...so my main point of this subject is..why cant he use some of that money and but me something or put it in the bank instead of keep having to say to me "hunnie i wish i had more money so i could buy u nice things" im just so aggravated ...and not that anyone cares but im still saying it ..we havent had sex in like 5 weeks..thats really not normal..so either my boyfriend has turned gay or he is cheating on me lol..i would hope to god he would never cheat on me..i give him no reason to..i know i can be a bitch sometimes but i really do try to be the best girlfriend to him..if he wants somethin he can have it i buy anything he wants..but maybe thats what the problem is..maybe he knows that i'll do anything for hima nd he is using it to his advantage..he knows or at least i hope he knows that i love him more than anything in this exsistance..grrr i dont know anymore...but today i came up with a new plan and we will see how it works..i think i wrote enough for today ..lol or possibly the whole week haha...i doubt anyone actually sat here long enough to read this all lol..but oh well it was more for me to vent than anything else..adios:)