from Pico
Pico has been nice so far. The weather has not been half as horrendous as I had expected, with just some rain and wind. Im grateful for those days of sunshine that get me out of the house for my little jog I do to the cemetary to visit my grandpa and late uncle.
I have not been doing much. I kick it with my grandmother or with Jackie and Rui, then try to muster up the patience to search for internships whenever I can. Carnaval was cool, but not crazy. I posted a few pictures on my myspace and facebook, if you want to check them out.
Its been nice to have a sense of family though, instead of exchange student number 264 or whatever, but as much as Id love to say Im soaking in every moment, I´d be lying if I did. A family friend from San Diego is also here in Pico, and when I told him how apprehensive I was about this whole internship thing, he replied, "just go! Who cares if you have nothing figured out. Grab your bags, pick a city, and go!! You´ll figure it out!" I then realized how incapable I was of doing just that, although I wish so badly I were.
Truth is, I have never felt so free in my whole life...and so lost at the same time. With absolutely no responsibility tying me down, I could go anywhere, and make anything of the next 4 months...but what? and where? I am beginning to see how much I am NOT a ´world wanderer or free-roader´ or whatever you call it. It just seems so much easier to have a plan, or at least ONE objective and go after it...but not even THAT do I feel like I have. What frustrates me is the idea of settling...doing whatever just to pass the time, cuz then the time will pass and I will regret the way I just LET it pass. I really don´t like how I have this obsession with missing the moment, but I do!
I´m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but I also dream of being the one who really made something happen. I wish someone would just give me a game plan, or that God would teach me how to be someone who plays by their own rules, because this is MY time..
I have not been doing much. I kick it with my grandmother or with Jackie and Rui, then try to muster up the patience to search for internships whenever I can. Carnaval was cool, but not crazy. I posted a few pictures on my myspace and facebook, if you want to check them out.
Its been nice to have a sense of family though, instead of exchange student number 264 or whatever, but as much as Id love to say Im soaking in every moment, I´d be lying if I did. A family friend from San Diego is also here in Pico, and when I told him how apprehensive I was about this whole internship thing, he replied, "just go! Who cares if you have nothing figured out. Grab your bags, pick a city, and go!! You´ll figure it out!" I then realized how incapable I was of doing just that, although I wish so badly I were.
Truth is, I have never felt so free in my whole life...and so lost at the same time. With absolutely no responsibility tying me down, I could go anywhere, and make anything of the next 4 months...but what? and where? I am beginning to see how much I am NOT a ´world wanderer or free-roader´ or whatever you call it. It just seems so much easier to have a plan, or at least ONE objective and go after it...but not even THAT do I feel like I have. What frustrates me is the idea of settling...doing whatever just to pass the time, cuz then the time will pass and I will regret the way I just LET it pass. I really don´t like how I have this obsession with missing the moment, but I do!
I´m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but I also dream of being the one who really made something happen. I wish someone would just give me a game plan, or that God would teach me how to be someone who plays by their own rules, because this is MY time..