Still Writing In This Journal...A New Day
It's been 3 years since i last plugged an entry into this thing...funny to see myself sitting here looking at this page thinking about what type about....
Iv'e def. grown up a lot since the last time I was here..Becoming more mature...a man. I'm 22 now as of 3 days ago. thoughts of the old highschool years and college days are starting to play back in my head. I am still with my beautiful and loving girlfriend Alicia...who if you dont remember me being crazy about in my entries back in the day, has stuck by be for 5+ years now and I am still to this day madly in love with her. Though we have struggled in recent times and getting back on track has been difficult, each day i am trying and hoping to fix things to better the both of us. July 4, 2004 we fell in love..5 years later and still so very much in love :) She is my everything and will always be. I have not been the perfect or the greatest boyfriend I can be to her. Believe me, we have had the greatest times together. Also, with the good there is always some bad and I have broken her heart on a few occassions. With or without her trust i will always try for her. I love you <3 I know that you have been pulling the weight for the past 3 years or so, but I will rise and bring things to 50-50 or more if I have to. We need to meet halfway and I know that I have lost sight of that as time has come and gone....and I am sorry
Things havent changed as far as work related. I work a whole lot more than i used too. A lot of long days 6 days and a lot of times 7 days a week. Becoming my father's right hand man and taking on the hardest of tasks yet. Learning the aspects of business and dealing with a lot of people that I never got the opportunity to do at the beginning. But it's a learning experience that I can only be hopeful that it does me good one day. While we are in the process of moving my fathers supply house to Cranston to get out of Pawtucket, I am basically running the whole cleaning part of the business myself while dad is slaving away getting the apartment/intercity house going. Taking on all jobs and trying to make everyone happy i have somewhat lost track of what is most important to me. The love of my life. I seemed to have lost myself and having almost lost her i take a look in the mirror and ask myself...who am I? What am I doing? I feel as I am gaining so much experience in the work field and seeing things get better, on the other side my relationship with my baby is getting bad and I just need to stop and think...I need to balance work and life away from work.
My relationship with my parents are as follows...My dad and I are very close...He has given me the reigns at running part of the business and has disciplined me to the best of his ability.. I feel that I have, and continue to be doing good for him. I owe him that..He has been so proud at me for what I am doing for him. I know he has been going crazy and we need to sit down in the upcoming days and talk about something that is so important to me and he needs to be understanding about it. He is always teaching me about life and for me to do better than him with what I have, and I respect him so much and I know that he has a great respect for me. I love my father...Was before and still is my role model...
My mother....ah my dear mother....Has been and pretty much is the same as I mentioned her a while back in my older entries..still has the mean tone of voice..has a harsh mouth...very loud...what i cannot stand is how involving she is making herself in my relationship and it is driving me away from her. We can't talk to each other about anything, and the relationship between her and Alicia....well honestly there isnt any..and it'sreally sad. I want to bring her over the house but I cant even do that because its always so nervewrecking to just st there. waiting for the next insult to come out of her mouth. It really sux to say that cant be n good terms and there is no doubt in my mind that it is in anyway my fault. The way she comes out, or rubs off on others gives people the wrong idea about her and everyone is on the wrong foot. I just wish things could be good between us but as times keeps on passing along, I dont think that it'l ever really be.Just too much time has passed.
My life the past 3 years have been filled with good and bad times. Time is flying and I am beginning to change into a better man...For the sake of my relationship which I shouldve done a long time ago..and also for me and for the future. I miss the old days but time will never freeze for anything or anyone...Just have to make the best out of every situation and that's what I am going to do. Recently so much has been thrown at me and has made me realize that Ive been losing a grip on what I used to want to do, the ones I love. I admit I have made mistakes and I am not perfect..But somethings deserve better out of me and I will return the love that's been given. I've been know for a lot of chances, getting them, making right, hen floping again inthe end...Let me turn it around. make things right for the long run...because you know Ive been in it for the long run..
I might just start back up on this thing. Just so many pictures I have in my head from past in me. There's a wall up from a lot of past anger and regret that when times get tough...the anger really comes out of me and the ones dear to my heart feel the wrath and I apologize. I want to break the wall but it's def. hard to do.I'm trying....I'm me..