Get comfy boys and girls..It's gonna be a long one......
Yeah it's been a very very long day.....
I have never talked to as many people as I talked to today in a very long time. But it was actually good to talk to people again. Even with all the stuff that happened today, the good and the bad, at least I made a few new friends today.
But here's the reason for this extremely long winded update.....I don't HAVE to explain myself or JUSTIFY my actions but I will anyway. Oh yeah and for those that have no idea why I'm writing this...I was called a slut today.
I have been around here for what seems like forever. Some of those that have known me since the first day here, know how I am and how I think and even know why I act the ways I do. I have gone through many changes since the first day. Everything that has happened up to this point has made me who I am now and I don't regret anything that has happened really.
Some of you may think how I'm acting right now isn't who I am but it really is. For the past few weeks I have been myself. I have been letting my true self shine through more and more. I'm becoming stronger then I thought I could be.
I have had to change myself for people before but I'm stopping that now. I'm not a puppet and I'm sick of changing for people so they will like me or something. I'm sick of having to be what everyone thinks I am. I'm sick of having to feel guilty or made to feel guilty for doing what I want and such. this is no way to live so I'm through with it. I have to be who I really am and if you don't like it, tough luck. I can't be who you want me to be anymore. I can't pretend anymore to be something I'm really not.
I'm not wasting my life away and moping about over what I lost. I'm actually happy it happened. Things are meant to happen and this is what's supposed to happen. I'm upbeat and happier than I have been in a while. Haven't you noticed? I'm moving on with my life again. A upbeat and happy Natalie is a hundred times better than the sad and depressed Natalie that I used to be all those months ago. I would think most of you would be accustom to the bitchy and whining Natalie that lasts like a day. Hayden can contest to that. See I'm talking to Hayden still, I'm not trying to fuck with what he has I'm actually happy for him. He knows it, why can't other people see that too. Seriously do you see me being depressed anymore over what happened on Wednesday? No, I stopped being sad and depressed over it Friday. I have moved on and I've closed that book once and for all.
So go ahead and think I'm a whining slut. I don't care anymore. I'm not gonna try to be someone I'm not and feel bad for having fun and living my life as I please. I can't please everyone any more and it's time I do what I want and not be sorry for who I am.
I swear it's too hard to please everyone around here and I'm stopping it. My friends understand what I'm going through, they understand why I act like this. Seriously it's normal behavior for me to be like this, just it's never taken so little time for me to get to this stage before. I have bounced back faster than I have ever bounced back. I'm pretty sure a few people can contest to that. I mean just read my previous updates and you can see that before I would be sad and depressed for weeks at a time before I became upbeat again, but now it's a matter of a day or so.
Life goes on and I intend on living it. I sat back and waited for something to come to me, but I'm not gonna do that know. SOmetimes in life can't be handed to you on a silver platter and I'm going out there and find what is there for me and having fun on the way. I should have to apologize for living. If I do, maybe you all should have just let me get drunk and die on Wednesday.
So judge me if you want, black ball me, dog me, do what you want. I'm sick of caring all together about it. So what if you don't like me, don't even want to talk to me, or what not. It's not my problem anymore. I have no problem with who I am, so why should anyone have a problem with it?
I so could say more but it's getting late and I do have plans for tomorrow. It's not as long as some of my other updates but it has been a long day and rest is what I realy need right now. But here are some shout outs anyway:
POOH: Thank you for everything you did for me today. Talking to me and understanding everything. *hands you girl scout cookies* I WUV YOU, you SESSY beast. I'm here for you still too. We got to stick together. POOH and his PORTAPOTTY FOREVER. I would be a lost Natters if I didn't have you around. You are my bestest guy friend in the world.
Lance: Thanks for being my therapist today hon. I would have been lost, well kind of. Thanks anyway. You are right I'm just alittle stronger than I was before.
Hayden: I love you, Hayden *smiles* You are the best. Like I told you, we'll always be friends and I will always consider you one of my real friends. Just look what we have been through these past few months. We are still talking and I haven't hurt you with that damn lightsabor yet.
JC: Yeah I'm a sex-a-holic. Damn straight *slaps my ass*. I had fun today see you in the tuxes. You looks so handsome. Brit is one lucky lady. Tell her hi and that I go some pictures from our party on New Year's.
Ryan: We have to WORK IT together again. It was fun. You soooo rock *laughs* You and I are so on the same brain-length too and that is cool.
Lexi: I missed you. Thanks for talking to me and hearing me out.
P!nk: You rock girl. Congrats on the baby. I'll come and visit one of these days.
Jenn: Be nice to my favorite Chasez of the moment *laughs*
Lando: You are a big dork but Happy belated birthday again. I hope you liked your gift. I'll try to remember your birthday next year.
Jenny: Thanks for the little pep talk. We should go hang and do some damage at Vickie's someday.
Mel I'm happy Hunter is doing better. I'll come and visit you and him soon. If you two are visiting NYC call me up and we can have lunch or something.
J: Great talking to you today. I want to give you some shout out love *blows kiss*
Joey: *blows kisses* Here's some love for you too. Sign on more damnit.
BONER: You have to sign on so I can flash you again *laughs* I miss you. I seriously need a flashing buddy and I still want to sleep in your bed on those satin and silk sheets.
Jacob: I told Alie about Jake wanting drinks and stuff. She's excited for Sunday. Call me or something tomorrow.
Chad: Thank you so much for cheering me up today and for what you said. For someone that hardly knows me you seem to understand more than some of the people that have known me for a while. You made my day a lot better then you know. Thank you so much. I owe you.
Em: Thanks for talking to me while I write this update out. You are among the ones that understand the craziness which is my life and I appreciate that you understand and see where I'm coming from and such. We are friends even though we have had our fights in the past. I'm glad I got to talk to you before I went to bed.
That's all. I need rest and maybe tomorrow will be better and I'll actually get to talk to more friends.
Ciao
I have never talked to as many people as I talked to today in a very long time. But it was actually good to talk to people again. Even with all the stuff that happened today, the good and the bad, at least I made a few new friends today.
But here's the reason for this extremely long winded update.....I don't HAVE to explain myself or JUSTIFY my actions but I will anyway. Oh yeah and for those that have no idea why I'm writing this...I was called a slut today.
I have been around here for what seems like forever. Some of those that have known me since the first day here, know how I am and how I think and even know why I act the ways I do. I have gone through many changes since the first day. Everything that has happened up to this point has made me who I am now and I don't regret anything that has happened really.
Some of you may think how I'm acting right now isn't who I am but it really is. For the past few weeks I have been myself. I have been letting my true self shine through more and more. I'm becoming stronger then I thought I could be.
I have had to change myself for people before but I'm stopping that now. I'm not a puppet and I'm sick of changing for people so they will like me or something. I'm sick of having to be what everyone thinks I am. I'm sick of having to feel guilty or made to feel guilty for doing what I want and such. this is no way to live so I'm through with it. I have to be who I really am and if you don't like it, tough luck. I can't be who you want me to be anymore. I can't pretend anymore to be something I'm really not.
I'm not wasting my life away and moping about over what I lost. I'm actually happy it happened. Things are meant to happen and this is what's supposed to happen. I'm upbeat and happier than I have been in a while. Haven't you noticed? I'm moving on with my life again. A upbeat and happy Natalie is a hundred times better than the sad and depressed Natalie that I used to be all those months ago. I would think most of you would be accustom to the bitchy and whining Natalie that lasts like a day. Hayden can contest to that. See I'm talking to Hayden still, I'm not trying to fuck with what he has I'm actually happy for him. He knows it, why can't other people see that too. Seriously do you see me being depressed anymore over what happened on Wednesday? No, I stopped being sad and depressed over it Friday. I have moved on and I've closed that book once and for all.
So go ahead and think I'm a whining slut. I don't care anymore. I'm not gonna try to be someone I'm not and feel bad for having fun and living my life as I please. I can't please everyone any more and it's time I do what I want and not be sorry for who I am.
I swear it's too hard to please everyone around here and I'm stopping it. My friends understand what I'm going through, they understand why I act like this. Seriously it's normal behavior for me to be like this, just it's never taken so little time for me to get to this stage before. I have bounced back faster than I have ever bounced back. I'm pretty sure a few people can contest to that. I mean just read my previous updates and you can see that before I would be sad and depressed for weeks at a time before I became upbeat again, but now it's a matter of a day or so.
Life goes on and I intend on living it. I sat back and waited for something to come to me, but I'm not gonna do that know. SOmetimes in life can't be handed to you on a silver platter and I'm going out there and find what is there for me and having fun on the way. I should have to apologize for living. If I do, maybe you all should have just let me get drunk and die on Wednesday.
So judge me if you want, black ball me, dog me, do what you want. I'm sick of caring all together about it. So what if you don't like me, don't even want to talk to me, or what not. It's not my problem anymore. I have no problem with who I am, so why should anyone have a problem with it?
I so could say more but it's getting late and I do have plans for tomorrow. It's not as long as some of my other updates but it has been a long day and rest is what I realy need right now. But here are some shout outs anyway:
POOH: Thank you for everything you did for me today. Talking to me and understanding everything. *hands you girl scout cookies* I WUV YOU, you SESSY beast. I'm here for you still too. We got to stick together. POOH and his PORTAPOTTY FOREVER. I would be a lost Natters if I didn't have you around. You are my bestest guy friend in the world.
Lance: Thanks for being my therapist today hon. I would have been lost, well kind of. Thanks anyway. You are right I'm just alittle stronger than I was before.
Hayden: I love you, Hayden *smiles* You are the best. Like I told you, we'll always be friends and I will always consider you one of my real friends. Just look what we have been through these past few months. We are still talking and I haven't hurt you with that damn lightsabor yet.
JC: Yeah I'm a sex-a-holic. Damn straight *slaps my ass*. I had fun today see you in the tuxes. You looks so handsome. Brit is one lucky lady. Tell her hi and that I go some pictures from our party on New Year's.
Ryan: We have to WORK IT together again. It was fun. You soooo rock *laughs* You and I are so on the same brain-length too and that is cool.
Lexi: I missed you. Thanks for talking to me and hearing me out.
P!nk: You rock girl. Congrats on the baby. I'll come and visit one of these days.
Jenn: Be nice to my favorite Chasez of the moment *laughs*
Lando: You are a big dork but Happy belated birthday again. I hope you liked your gift. I'll try to remember your birthday next year.
Jenny: Thanks for the little pep talk. We should go hang and do some damage at Vickie's someday.
Mel I'm happy Hunter is doing better. I'll come and visit you and him soon. If you two are visiting NYC call me up and we can have lunch or something.
J: Great talking to you today. I want to give you some shout out love *blows kiss*
Joey: *blows kisses* Here's some love for you too. Sign on more damnit.
BONER: You have to sign on so I can flash you again *laughs* I miss you. I seriously need a flashing buddy and I still want to sleep in your bed on those satin and silk sheets.
Jacob: I told Alie about Jake wanting drinks and stuff. She's excited for Sunday. Call me or something tomorrow.
Chad: Thank you so much for cheering me up today and for what you said. For someone that hardly knows me you seem to understand more than some of the people that have known me for a while. You made my day a lot better then you know. Thank you so much. I owe you.
Em: Thanks for talking to me while I write this update out. You are among the ones that understand the craziness which is my life and I appreciate that you understand and see where I'm coming from and such. We are friends even though we have had our fights in the past. I'm glad I got to talk to you before I went to bed.
That's all. I need rest and maybe tomorrow will be better and I'll actually get to talk to more friends.
Ciao