"he was a friend of mine"

[portlandtiah]

i have listened to two versions of this song recently,i cried during the first one and i was able to managae a smile later on when i heard the second version the next day. i played some beatles,i played "all things must pass" for some sort of closure? i dunno. a tribute of a good life... i lit a candle. i cried..i remembered many good things...i thought about some of the bad things and wondered what could have been done... yesterday i slept in and listened to neko case before getting together with kara. found out what little info there was to find out. i feel confused about it all. i feel angry at someone but it's a very hollow anger right now,in my head i think "this is your fault!" at the woman who was involved with my friend. but he didn't have to go see her..and he did and i don't know why..and i wish i had been in his life recently so that if he'd needed to talk to someone he would have called me and i would have told him not to waste his time with going to see her....and instead he went and now he's not here. and that is unbelieveably not fair and seems unreal...being with kara yesterday was good and kara,running into you this morning was good.
andy,i considered you to be one of my closest friends for several years and though in the more recent years we hadn't had a great deal of contact i still loved you and thought of you as a friend and was looking forward to getting back on track in each other's lives...i am so sorry that that won't happen now. i am so sorry that i wasn't part of your life when you were going through lots of issues,and it had nothing to do with not being avaible for you but we were both caught up in our lives,and that is normal,but i wish i had been not so caught up in my own life.i love you andy. goodbye.