little bird/live through this/violet
4-19-03____18:08
I look up to the little bird
that glides across the sky
he sings the clearest melody
it makes me want to cry
it makes want to sit right down
and cry cry cry
I walk along the city streets
so dark with rage and fear
And I...
I wish that I could be that bird
and fly away from here
I wish I had the wings to fly away from here
(chorus)
But my my I feel so low
my my where do i go?
my my what do i know?
my my we reap what we sow
they always said that you knew best
but this little bird's fallen out of that nest now
I've got a feeling that I might have been blessed
so I've just go to put these wings to test
for I am just a troubled soul
who's weighted...
weighted to THE ground
give me the strength to carry on
till I can lay this burden down
give me the strength to lay this burden down
down down yes
give me the strength to lay it down.
(repeat chorus)
I have not had one of those *depressive days in long while... I have been to too numb, too cynical, too groggy from over-sleeping (it helps to dull my senses), too distracted by my cyber world-virtual reality, cyber friends, too vegetative by my own lackadasical state to care.
MY sitiuation.... it is not bad. (Somebody told me once... "don't be sad sweetie...just remember always...there is someone out there who is *worse off than you." BOY...thats a consolation. If i could harness that in pill form I could put out PROZAC factories nationwide)
I am just growing weary.... of my situation ... my inability to change it. My limited options and unknown future.
I lost my job of 6yrs in dec 2001 at a major airline... it has pretty much been a *downward spiral-down hill journey since then. Its all about the almighty $DOLLAR$ when it gets down to it.
My car was repossessed, my credit is SHOT... (I have collection agencies hounding my mother with telephone calls .... she's says I screw up her life along with my own) I have been threatened to be sued by a the credit union of the airline's employees that I used to have accounts with. (which is such a joke... I mean.. I am sooooo not SUABLE... I have no assets at all, no money, no job, no home, no equity of any kind.) Living in suburbia has it's downfalls... NO public transportation at all (to go get a J.O.B ) We live in a country that is completely centered around the GODDAM almighty AUTO-mobile, petroleum and making a $buck$. I want to become an artist.... oh great that is a sentence to grief stricken poverty is it not? Where it is more likely that I achieve financial success and fame in a posthumous manner..... what good is that?
I am going to be applying for pubic aid, food stamps etc.... I am not letting some stupid pompous pride get in the way of me achieving some kind of autonomy. I have been living with my mother forever.... and now our relationship is put to the test on an almost daily basis.... we are both in stages of our lives where living together is a recipe for disaster. I am fucking 33 yrs old goddamit. Ofcourse she treats like a pre-pubescent kid (or a post adolescent on a good day) constantly on my back about helping her around the house... (I don't have a problem helping at all.... she even pays me... I do my share....well I try. But lord knows the days that I go without doing something she asked me to do... ALL GODDAM hell breaks loose.) I am trying so hard not to be a terrible ingrate. I mean this woman gave me life.... love etc.... She was not meant to help support me financially forever.
The economy is failing, the stock market is a Joke and the job market is overflowing with the over qualified, degreed all desperate for employment....
That makes prospective employers very pissy, judgmental and insensitive... because in their eyes you are just another little drop in the over abundant proverbial bucket.... if you so much as look at them wrong during the interview ...forget it... YOU will get the classic..."we will give you call..ok... thanks for coming... have a nice day"
Well...I have to go vacuum and do some dishes now.... think I will listen to some grunge music while doing that....
20:19
Well that was exciting.... I guess doing housework can be a good thing... kinda therapeutic. (Really! it is when you are listening to a lovely Harpy like courtney {HOLE} scream at the top of her lungs... a song like RETARD GURL.... you just have to grin and "bare" it)
I really need to stop smoking so much.... but I keep on missing those "25 little friends that never let down and are always there"
I look up to the little bird
that glides across the sky
he sings the clearest melody
it makes me want to cry
it makes want to sit right down
and cry cry cry
I walk along the city streets
so dark with rage and fear
And I...
I wish that I could be that bird
and fly away from here
I wish I had the wings to fly away from here
(chorus)
But my my I feel so low
my my where do i go?
my my what do i know?
my my we reap what we sow
they always said that you knew best
but this little bird's fallen out of that nest now
I've got a feeling that I might have been blessed
so I've just go to put these wings to test
for I am just a troubled soul
who's weighted...
weighted to THE ground
give me the strength to carry on
till I can lay this burden down
give me the strength to lay this burden down
down down yes
give me the strength to lay it down.
(repeat chorus)
I have not had one of those *depressive days in long while... I have been to too numb, too cynical, too groggy from over-sleeping (it helps to dull my senses), too distracted by my cyber world-virtual reality, cyber friends, too vegetative by my own lackadasical state to care.
MY sitiuation.... it is not bad. (Somebody told me once... "don't be sad sweetie...just remember always...there is someone out there who is *worse off than you." BOY...thats a consolation. If i could harness that in pill form I could put out PROZAC factories nationwide)
I am just growing weary.... of my situation ... my inability to change it. My limited options and unknown future.
I lost my job of 6yrs in dec 2001 at a major airline... it has pretty much been a *downward spiral-down hill journey since then. Its all about the almighty $DOLLAR$ when it gets down to it.
My car was repossessed, my credit is SHOT... (I have collection agencies hounding my mother with telephone calls .... she's says I screw up her life along with my own) I have been threatened to be sued by a the credit union of the airline's employees that I used to have accounts with. (which is such a joke... I mean.. I am sooooo not SUABLE... I have no assets at all, no money, no job, no home, no equity of any kind.) Living in suburbia has it's downfalls... NO public transportation at all (to go get a J.O.B ) We live in a country that is completely centered around the GODDAM almighty AUTO-mobile, petroleum and making a $buck$. I want to become an artist.... oh great that is a sentence to grief stricken poverty is it not? Where it is more likely that I achieve financial success and fame in a posthumous manner..... what good is that?
I am going to be applying for pubic aid, food stamps etc.... I am not letting some stupid pompous pride get in the way of me achieving some kind of autonomy. I have been living with my mother forever.... and now our relationship is put to the test on an almost daily basis.... we are both in stages of our lives where living together is a recipe for disaster. I am fucking 33 yrs old goddamit. Ofcourse she treats like a pre-pubescent kid (or a post adolescent on a good day) constantly on my back about helping her around the house... (I don't have a problem helping at all.... she even pays me... I do my share....well I try. But lord knows the days that I go without doing something she asked me to do... ALL GODDAM hell breaks loose.) I am trying so hard not to be a terrible ingrate. I mean this woman gave me life.... love etc.... She was not meant to help support me financially forever.
The economy is failing, the stock market is a Joke and the job market is overflowing with the over qualified, degreed all desperate for employment....
That makes prospective employers very pissy, judgmental and insensitive... because in their eyes you are just another little drop in the over abundant proverbial bucket.... if you so much as look at them wrong during the interview ...forget it... YOU will get the classic..."we will give you call..ok... thanks for coming... have a nice day"
Well...I have to go vacuum and do some dishes now.... think I will listen to some grunge music while doing that....
20:19
Well that was exciting.... I guess doing housework can be a good thing... kinda therapeutic. (Really! it is when you are listening to a lovely Harpy like courtney {HOLE} scream at the top of her lungs... a song like RETARD GURL.... you just have to grin and "bare" it)
I really need to stop smoking so much.... but I keep on missing those "25 little friends that never let down and are always there"