how do you do it? you make it seem effortless.
five minutes a day. in the shower, sitting in front of the computer, or contentedly staring out the window. i am making myself smile. it makes me feel better. its like the curves of my lips are hitting the on/off switches for my endorphins. or, at least, this is what i imagine.
this practice is one of many that ive been incorporating into my daily routine. a routine, i promise myself, that will break the barriers of this rut (reverse culture shock?). various other practices included in my new-and-improved daily schedule: running or working out in some way for at least an hour, twenty minutes a day of straightening or cleaning my room, taking medicine plus fish-oil tablets and horsepill-sized tablets of vitamin c (to ensure good health), balancing my checkbook, calling at least one (or both) of my parents or a good friend that feels like family per day, making sure my daily planner is filled out with homework and other obligations completely.
you see, life is too fucking short to be sad anymore. thats what i keep telling myself. this is a little something i like to call "war against chronic depression".
and it is a total mindfuck.
i am sick of being stubborn and, most of all, i am sick of holding grudges. it is tiring. i have love for these people just as much as the others with whom i wear my heart on my sleeve. i just tuck it away, behind my (severely wounded) pride and hurt feelings.
unabashedly loving others may hurt but not loving them at all would simply take all the fun out of it.
today, i made some mistakes. but i dont regret them. like i said, i wont be here long...but the time that i do have here, even if it is painful and agonizing and nearly crushing, will not be spent worrying about being a silly girl from time to time.
surprisingly enough, i am happy with my nose in a book. i am loved here. and, really, i love everyone i meet here.
i hope this delightfully enamored feeling remains. i also hope the sun is out tomorrow and i hope there is a little chill in the breeze.
and life will work out. my parents may be disappointed in my profession (using the term very loosely) and i may never ever fall in love again. but everything will fall into place.
i am sure of it.
the completely overwhelmed feeling remains...but i am sure that i will always be amazed at being where i am.
this practice is one of many that ive been incorporating into my daily routine. a routine, i promise myself, that will break the barriers of this rut (reverse culture shock?). various other practices included in my new-and-improved daily schedule: running or working out in some way for at least an hour, twenty minutes a day of straightening or cleaning my room, taking medicine plus fish-oil tablets and horsepill-sized tablets of vitamin c (to ensure good health), balancing my checkbook, calling at least one (or both) of my parents or a good friend that feels like family per day, making sure my daily planner is filled out with homework and other obligations completely.
you see, life is too fucking short to be sad anymore. thats what i keep telling myself. this is a little something i like to call "war against chronic depression".
and it is a total mindfuck.
i am sick of being stubborn and, most of all, i am sick of holding grudges. it is tiring. i have love for these people just as much as the others with whom i wear my heart on my sleeve. i just tuck it away, behind my (severely wounded) pride and hurt feelings.
unabashedly loving others may hurt but not loving them at all would simply take all the fun out of it.
today, i made some mistakes. but i dont regret them. like i said, i wont be here long...but the time that i do have here, even if it is painful and agonizing and nearly crushing, will not be spent worrying about being a silly girl from time to time.
surprisingly enough, i am happy with my nose in a book. i am loved here. and, really, i love everyone i meet here.
i hope this delightfully enamored feeling remains. i also hope the sun is out tomorrow and i hope there is a little chill in the breeze.
and life will work out. my parents may be disappointed in my profession (using the term very loosely) and i may never ever fall in love again. but everything will fall into place.
i am sure of it.
the completely overwhelmed feeling remains...but i am sure that i will always be amazed at being where i am.