it'll happen when you least expect it
when I was young, I was wide eyed and enraptured by the poignant beauty of the world C. S. Lewis created.
the Deep Magic, the centaurs and fauns, children fighting alongside a lion to free a land they were destined to rule.
Narnia was my bedtime story, my place of escape. I'd just curl up with the books and slip through wardrobes, trading common sense for a prettier place.
and as an adult, I cried through the entire movie as I watched it all come to life. I realized, for the first time, exactly how deep the currents ran, how interwoven it all is inside of me.
I ached, weeping, feeling the shock, the joy, the struggle. witnessing the betrayal broke my heart in a way that reading about it hadn't touched, and watching the sacrifice broke my spirit.
I wanted to be there with Him at the end, and then I realized that I was there; I was the reason He was there.
all of this has become so much more than an analogy for my life ... it has become my life. my history. my story.
beautiful sin wore a long white dress, long train dragging, mouth smirking. attractive, with marble skin. I blindly believed the promises that it had no intention of honoring. I gave in, gave everything up to pursue it all, decieved by the empty vows of freedom. I allowed myself to be used against everything and everyone dear to me, not aware that I was turning slowly into a stone fixture.
somehow, I was forgiven, and life was breathed back into me. He had to die to give me a chance. wars were waged, blood was spilled, but ultimately, I was freed and sin was defeated.
I saw myself in all of them last night. it was as if I was watching myself grow up.
in trusting Lucy, a whimsical little girl with an overbite who found magic in a dusty room, another world inside a wardrove. she tried to explain and share it all but they wouldn't believe her. she forgave them and let them see for themselves.
in practical Susan, who believed her knowledge could prevent disaster. she couldn't just sit back and let the river run its course. she had to be smart about things.
in bitter Edmund, who challenged everything, even the love and the lives of those closest to him. he had to find his own way, regardless of the price. eventually, he was humbled enough to seek forgiveness.
and in Peter. Peter, who grew up too fast, the weight of the world on his young shoulders. he found the strength to lead, to admit error, to love all who were under his care. even if he could not keeo them from their faults.
when morning creeps up and I fall from the magical place between here and there, I might try to explain it all to them. where I've been, how I was lost in a dark wood and just barely escaped.
how I was baited by lofty promises and turned myself over to what destroyed me.
how there was only one way to redeem me. and it was beyond my ability.
and how I was given a second chance, a throne, a crown, and a new life.
I might try to explain all of this to them. but you see, this is the strange part: they won't have ever noticed I was gone in the first place.