to be more like Him and less like me ...
you walked with liars, ate with prostitutes and hypocrites, took your last breath among thieves. common fishermen and tax collectors were your closest friends. you embraced the poor and humbled the proud.
barefoot, filthy, with no home or place of rest, you wandered from the shorelines to the cities of your enemies, feeding the starving, cleansing the temple, healing, challenging, loving, forgiving, calling.
you served those who hated you, you forgave those who accused you. you looked at them, loving them.
maybe I will never be crucified and die physically on a cross and at the hands of unbelieving men. but my flesh will die every day, with every thought, word and deed.
and maybe I will never be without a home and a place to rest, but I will seek to make Jesus my home, my place of rest. I want to live among those who have no safety and tell them of the peace He can bring them.
I look at my life and I know that regardless of how blessed I am, I will never be content until I am doing the work of my Father.
and people don't understand, sometimes. it confounds them. why should I leave this nation, my friends, the familiar, the safe life I lead? why should I trade this for Africa, for Sudan, for Nairobi, for Peru and Brazil and Uganda? why risk my life?
don't they know I am supposed to be about doing my Father's business? can't they understand what it's like to have a burden so heavy it outweighs everything else?
all I want to do is go, all I want to do be is help. hands to hold, a heart that loves. I want to be so much more than I am ... I want to do so much more than pray.
I want to be the answer to their prayers.
*
yesterday, it occured to me that I am in the habit of limiting God's work to Africa, to Sudan, Nairobi and such places.
it seems that I think that God is only working wonders and needing planters, waterers, and harvesters in those places. and I know that it's not true. not in the slightest.
I can do my Father's work here, as well. where I am, in my community, among my friends and as I live among strangers. it may not be as extreme, it may not be the same as moving across the world,
but love is a challenge also, and I can minister peace as I am, where I am.
I don't have to be 3000 miles away to do what my Christ wants me to do - I just have to be willing. I just have to be prepared. I just have to be ready for anything and everything that may be.
I think it's important to remember that in order to be used we have to desire it, without regard, hestitation, reservation.
we need to be able to be able to say "Yes, Lord" before He supplies the burden or creates the divine opportunity.
our God is a limitless God, and don't you forget it. He'll use your bruises, He'll use your tendencies, He'll use your past. and He'll do a mighty work, if you are willing to serve,
if I am willing to serve,
no matter what, where, who, why or when.
my Father's business is everywhere He is. and it is here, in this city, in my relationships, in my family, in my words and deeds and thoughts. in these writings I offer up to every last one of you. I have asked Him to ruin me in my humanity and build His temple up inside of me. and He cleansed the temple then as He cleanses me now, in a holy rage that I allowed the flotsam of this world to settle there. so He drives out the merchants, peddling their lies and promises, and He makes His Father's house clean again.
He makes my mind clean again with understanding of how He wants to use me. He gently moves upon my mind and shows me where my mission field is. He tells me that if I am to be like Him, if I am concerned with doing His business here on earth, then I am given to walk with liars, eat with harlots, embrace the sick, give of my little, not of my much, to those I can, loving, forgiving, challenging, being.
so I may not be in Africa. that doesn't mean I can't serve. so I may not live in a hut. that doesn't mean I shouldn't be humble.
so, if anyone is reading still as I figure this all out, remember not to condition God, not to limit God. it's easy to do it and harder to recover. it becomes more than a way of thinking. it becomes a mindset. it affects the way you live.
He will use the willing. be that.
"I, the Lord God, have called you in righteousness, and will hold your hand; I will keep you and I will give you as a covenant to the people, as a light to the unsaved, to open blind eyes, to bring out prisoners from the jails, and those who sit in darkness from the prison house." Isaiah 1:16-17