Scariness
My teaching contract/visa ends in two weeks. In between looking for a job and finding ways to renew my visa I came to a very scary realization. I don't want to go back to the US. I don't want to settle down in a quaint suburb and respectable job. I don't know what to do with this self revelation. It feels like I spent my whole life trying to attain upper-middle class status. It seemed like I was weened on the fairy tale that if I earn an advanced degree I would be able to buy respect along with fancy cars and pretty houses. Now, I don't want the fancy cars and pretty houses but I do want respect. Its funny I might of mentioned this before but it seems a lot of Chinese thinks America is the land of milk and honey. Its true that Americans have more stuff but in China they don't realize that the stuff owns Americans. Many Americans work many, many hours to be able to provide themselves with an inordinate amount of toys. And of course I am only talking about a certain subgroup of Americans. Others works many, many hours just to pay for health insurance and to put food on the table.
I know I am ranting at this point. The bottom line is that I really, really like being in China, and being abroad in general. I am just very intimidated by finding happiness outside of my original list of goals.