An Ephinany Of Sorts
So.
I've known a girl for 4 years now. She's 3 years younger than me and after a couple of months of getting to know her, she quickly became like a little sister to me.
She was generally very sweet, very shy and had very low self esteem and low confidence. She had been dating a man 5 years her sr since she was 13 years old (who she broke up with not long after I met her) and came from a very messed up family home, with her Dad and brother dealing drugs from the house.
She used to cut herself and spend hours coming up with her "dream suicide and funeral". I would spend hours every night on msn with her, talking to her, convincing her that she was loved, cherished, special and had something to offer the world. I would spend hours on msn with her listening to her problems - big and small - and trying to come up with good, Godly advice for her when I was struggling, at the time, with my own issues in life (like having a mother kick me out at 17 and tell me that I'd ruined her life and wished I was never born, like having a father who had disappeared out of my life at the age of 9 and didn't want me living with him, like living with my poor aunt who was a single, unemployed Mum with 3 kids, one of which is only 4 years older than me and only got a job last year, amongst otherthings.) I was 18 at the time and very very inexperienced.
She would tell me about how her friends treated her like crap and pressured her into going clubbing with them and pressured her into drinking. She told me about how her older brother would hit her all the time. She told me how one time her friend took her into the city and she ended up giving a random guy she'd never met before a blow job because her friend had run off and she was afraid he'd rape her if she didn't do as she asked.
There were many, many more things and they all broke my heart, because no one should have to go through any of those things. I just wanted to adopt her. The amount of times I told Wayne that I wanted her to move in with me so I could take care of her...he always told me no, that he didn't think it was a good idea.
In 2007 she told me that she had been raped by her uncle several times and that he'd forced her into making a pornographic movie of her when she was about 16.
After months of supporting her, of having her stay at my house so she wouldn't be in the house and the uncle couldn't get to her...after months of trying to convince her to go to the police...after months of her crying all the time for no reason and me spending hours sitting in the cold with her, she told me that it was all a lie.
She'd made the entire thing up. She'd never been raped by her uncle or by anyone for that matter and she'd done it for attention and because she always felt so depressed and felt like she needed to come up with a reason for the way she felt.
I remember crying in the car with Wayne & Bec because I was so angry that she was being "raped" and there was nothing we could do about it and it was all a lie?
It took a while, but I eventually forgave her for the lies. I told her that if she promised never to lie to me again about that kind of thing, I would trust her. She did promised and I did trust her.
Last Sunday, after not turning up for church, after sending me texts through out the day telling me how depressed she felt, how worthless she was, how she didn't deserve to live, how no one cared about her, she told me that something had happened to her but she didn't want to say anything because no one took her seriously. I texted her back saying that she should stop being so stubborn and just tell someone what was wrong.
Apparently this annoyed her, because she decided to prove to herself and to me that no one took her seriously by lying again about being raped. She figured that if she told a lie, I wouldn't believe her, and she could throw it back in my face as proof that no one took her seriously and believed her and feel justified in feeling sorry for herself.
Well, the stupid thing is, because she had promised me that she would never lie about that kind of stuff again, I believed her. I believed her when she said she was going to kill herself too and I went into a panic. I was in tears in my bedroom over the entire thing.
It wasn't until I was talking to Shaz (the person to whom she was accountable in our church) and to Wayne that things weren't adding up. After she found out that Shaz and I had talked about what happened, she freaked out.
It turns out she was so upset because she had lied about being raped and knew that Shaz would know that straight away.
I've now lost complete trust in her and I doubt I'll ever believe anything she tells me again.
After she told me she'd lied, I told her this. I told her I still loved her and that I forgave her but she was going to have to work damn hard at gaining my trust again (if she ever could). She of course tried to make me feel sorry for her by acting all pathetic about it and apparently emailed Shaz straight after with a sob story, but I don't know what she expected.
But after all this, I was still so upset and angry with her and I couldn't figure out why.
Then I realised.
It isn't the lies.
It's the fact that she's chosen to lie about being raped. Something that has and will and is destroying girls lives. Rape is...so disgusting and wrong and evil. It's not something to be joked about or taken lightly. I know girls who have been raped. Some of those girls who have actually been raped, she told the same lies to, expecting sympathy from them because they'd been in the "same" situation.
It's so disgusting and disrespectful to not only lie to me about being raped but then to turn around and tell a girl who has actually gone THROUGH that experience just for the attention. When she knew that they had been raped and that's why she chose to tell them.
I can't believe anyone can be so self absorbed, so selfish, so...just so disrespectful and childish.
It belittles the experience of girls who have actually been raped.
And not only that. What if the wrong person had over heard the lies and that poor boy who she lied about raping her got into trouble? He could have gone to jail. His reputation would have been shot. All for lies and attention?
I'm so disappointed and heart broken, I really am.
I've known a girl for 4 years now. She's 3 years younger than me and after a couple of months of getting to know her, she quickly became like a little sister to me.
She was generally very sweet, very shy and had very low self esteem and low confidence. She had been dating a man 5 years her sr since she was 13 years old (who she broke up with not long after I met her) and came from a very messed up family home, with her Dad and brother dealing drugs from the house.
She used to cut herself and spend hours coming up with her "dream suicide and funeral". I would spend hours every night on msn with her, talking to her, convincing her that she was loved, cherished, special and had something to offer the world. I would spend hours on msn with her listening to her problems - big and small - and trying to come up with good, Godly advice for her when I was struggling, at the time, with my own issues in life (like having a mother kick me out at 17 and tell me that I'd ruined her life and wished I was never born, like having a father who had disappeared out of my life at the age of 9 and didn't want me living with him, like living with my poor aunt who was a single, unemployed Mum with 3 kids, one of which is only 4 years older than me and only got a job last year, amongst otherthings.) I was 18 at the time and very very inexperienced.
She would tell me about how her friends treated her like crap and pressured her into going clubbing with them and pressured her into drinking. She told me about how her older brother would hit her all the time. She told me how one time her friend took her into the city and she ended up giving a random guy she'd never met before a blow job because her friend had run off and she was afraid he'd rape her if she didn't do as she asked.
There were many, many more things and they all broke my heart, because no one should have to go through any of those things. I just wanted to adopt her. The amount of times I told Wayne that I wanted her to move in with me so I could take care of her...he always told me no, that he didn't think it was a good idea.
In 2007 she told me that she had been raped by her uncle several times and that he'd forced her into making a pornographic movie of her when she was about 16.
After months of supporting her, of having her stay at my house so she wouldn't be in the house and the uncle couldn't get to her...after months of trying to convince her to go to the police...after months of her crying all the time for no reason and me spending hours sitting in the cold with her, she told me that it was all a lie.
She'd made the entire thing up. She'd never been raped by her uncle or by anyone for that matter and she'd done it for attention and because she always felt so depressed and felt like she needed to come up with a reason for the way she felt.
I remember crying in the car with Wayne & Bec because I was so angry that she was being "raped" and there was nothing we could do about it and it was all a lie?
It took a while, but I eventually forgave her for the lies. I told her that if she promised never to lie to me again about that kind of thing, I would trust her. She did promised and I did trust her.
Last Sunday, after not turning up for church, after sending me texts through out the day telling me how depressed she felt, how worthless she was, how she didn't deserve to live, how no one cared about her, she told me that something had happened to her but she didn't want to say anything because no one took her seriously. I texted her back saying that she should stop being so stubborn and just tell someone what was wrong.
Apparently this annoyed her, because she decided to prove to herself and to me that no one took her seriously by lying again about being raped. She figured that if she told a lie, I wouldn't believe her, and she could throw it back in my face as proof that no one took her seriously and believed her and feel justified in feeling sorry for herself.
Well, the stupid thing is, because she had promised me that she would never lie about that kind of stuff again, I believed her. I believed her when she said she was going to kill herself too and I went into a panic. I was in tears in my bedroom over the entire thing.
It wasn't until I was talking to Shaz (the person to whom she was accountable in our church) and to Wayne that things weren't adding up. After she found out that Shaz and I had talked about what happened, she freaked out.
It turns out she was so upset because she had lied about being raped and knew that Shaz would know that straight away.
I've now lost complete trust in her and I doubt I'll ever believe anything she tells me again.
After she told me she'd lied, I told her this. I told her I still loved her and that I forgave her but she was going to have to work damn hard at gaining my trust again (if she ever could). She of course tried to make me feel sorry for her by acting all pathetic about it and apparently emailed Shaz straight after with a sob story, but I don't know what she expected.
But after all this, I was still so upset and angry with her and I couldn't figure out why.
Then I realised.
It isn't the lies.
It's the fact that she's chosen to lie about being raped. Something that has and will and is destroying girls lives. Rape is...so disgusting and wrong and evil. It's not something to be joked about or taken lightly. I know girls who have been raped. Some of those girls who have actually been raped, she told the same lies to, expecting sympathy from them because they'd been in the "same" situation.
It's so disgusting and disrespectful to not only lie to me about being raped but then to turn around and tell a girl who has actually gone THROUGH that experience just for the attention. When she knew that they had been raped and that's why she chose to tell them.
I can't believe anyone can be so self absorbed, so selfish, so...just so disrespectful and childish.
It belittles the experience of girls who have actually been raped.
And not only that. What if the wrong person had over heard the lies and that poor boy who she lied about raping her got into trouble? He could have gone to jail. His reputation would have been shot. All for lies and attention?
I'm so disappointed and heart broken, I really am.