"Just get over it"
.. That's about as good as telling someone to calm down when they are wound up.
I GET that I have to get over it.. but I'm not the type of person who can just walk away and never think about it again.. I'm the type of person who clings as hard as I can and PRAYS that something might change and everything will be better.
I GET that clearly this isn't the case, but I have a hard time giving up.... I can't just walk away.. because it meant SOMETHING to me... I don't care what YOu think it meant.. to me it meant something. So get over YOURSELF and let me be.
It will get easier.. but it's sort of my own addiction, where it gets easier as time goes on, but once I hear even 30 seconds, I revert right back to where I was.. and apparently every weekend is when I will revert back..
So BACK OFF. I get that I'm a pain in the ass, I don't like myself very much either right now.. but leave me be and be patient.. I can't let go.. I can't walk away.. I can't pretend that everything was for nothing.. But it was definitely something for me...
I feel like I'm ready to explode.. I'm teetering on the edge of losing friends because I'm going to say to everyone exactly how I feel. I'm irritable with people who are nearest and dearest to me. I am irritable with myself because I cannot STAND how self absorbed I'm being.
I'm scared I'm going to be alone forever. I'm pissed that I wasn't good enough to fight for, that the alternative of rolling over and getting swallowed up by the world was a whole lot more appealing than having faith in me and my ability to support and walk beside... I'm hurt that there's a lack of consideration for how I feel in all this... I'm confused because I don't understand addiction at all, even though I've lived/am living through it with my mom.... I just don't want to give up on either... I have yet to give up on my mom and it's been how many years? See, I'm still willing to go through piles and piles of shit in the irrational hope that something one day will change.
If someone can tell me why I'm not good enough to fight for, I'd really like to know what I need to change to be more... appealing...
Fuck this shit.. I quit, I give up.. I'm out... And I hate it because it's affecting all areas of my life and all I want to say is whatever to everyone and anyone I know... Walk away. Do it.. I dare you.. it's what all the cool kids are doing.
I just feel like I'm never going to accomplish my dreams.... my wishes are simple... I want a pony to ride. I want to work large animal and not get laughed at because I'm a silly little city kid... I want stability. I want to feel pretty and loved and accepted by someone.. I want to feel pretty and loved and accepted by myself.... Which I was doing decent at until recently..
but fuck.. whatever.. just... hiatus.
I GET that I have to get over it.. but I'm not the type of person who can just walk away and never think about it again.. I'm the type of person who clings as hard as I can and PRAYS that something might change and everything will be better.
I GET that clearly this isn't the case, but I have a hard time giving up.... I can't just walk away.. because it meant SOMETHING to me... I don't care what YOu think it meant.. to me it meant something. So get over YOURSELF and let me be.
It will get easier.. but it's sort of my own addiction, where it gets easier as time goes on, but once I hear even 30 seconds, I revert right back to where I was.. and apparently every weekend is when I will revert back..
So BACK OFF. I get that I'm a pain in the ass, I don't like myself very much either right now.. but leave me be and be patient.. I can't let go.. I can't walk away.. I can't pretend that everything was for nothing.. But it was definitely something for me...
I feel like I'm ready to explode.. I'm teetering on the edge of losing friends because I'm going to say to everyone exactly how I feel. I'm irritable with people who are nearest and dearest to me. I am irritable with myself because I cannot STAND how self absorbed I'm being.
I'm scared I'm going to be alone forever. I'm pissed that I wasn't good enough to fight for, that the alternative of rolling over and getting swallowed up by the world was a whole lot more appealing than having faith in me and my ability to support and walk beside... I'm hurt that there's a lack of consideration for how I feel in all this... I'm confused because I don't understand addiction at all, even though I've lived/am living through it with my mom.... I just don't want to give up on either... I have yet to give up on my mom and it's been how many years? See, I'm still willing to go through piles and piles of shit in the irrational hope that something one day will change.
If someone can tell me why I'm not good enough to fight for, I'd really like to know what I need to change to be more... appealing...
Fuck this shit.. I quit, I give up.. I'm out... And I hate it because it's affecting all areas of my life and all I want to say is whatever to everyone and anyone I know... Walk away. Do it.. I dare you.. it's what all the cool kids are doing.
I just feel like I'm never going to accomplish my dreams.... my wishes are simple... I want a pony to ride. I want to work large animal and not get laughed at because I'm a silly little city kid... I want stability. I want to feel pretty and loved and accepted by someone.. I want to feel pretty and loved and accepted by myself.... Which I was doing decent at until recently..
but fuck.. whatever.. just... hiatus.