LJ Idol Week 21, in which I'm tellin' all of y'all it's sabotage!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY. I wish to reveal the startling truths behind my fellow LJ Idol competitors and expose them all for the unsavory characters they are!
halfshellvenus - A thoroughly shady individual, lurking in the shadows of the LJ Idol alleys, dashing through the night and leaving cryptic comments as her calling card. Constructive feedback? Or encoded message of doom? Only YOU can be the judge!
whipchick - A hardened criminal hiding behind a glittery circus act - but it's all a front. For the Mafia. But the Mafia's a front too. For a hard knocks writing camp. And you thought some big dude named Tony busting your kneecaps with a crowbar was brutal!
kathrynrose - Don't let this one deceive you! All her "I don't understand technology" stuff is a ruse. A ruse, I tell you! And know what ELSE I'll tell you? Kate is a cybercriminal mastermind. She'll hack into your computer, install Internet Explorer on your system, load up a Youtube video playing the Denver the Last Dinosaur theme song on infinite repeat, lock the volume controls, and change your screensaver password so you can't turn it off. Got Denver the Last Dinosaur theme song stuck in your head now? I BET YOU DO. That's just what Kate wanted.
lrig_rorrim - Oh, you THINK she's writing fiction, but you know what's really going on? She's like a Ghostbuster. But EVIL. She runs around abducting poor, innocent time travelers and mages and otherworldly creatures, and she tortures them for their memoirs and biographies, which she then posts to LJ. And you know what ELSE she does? While those poor magical creatures are helplessly tied up in her basement, she invades their homes AND SHE INSTALLS INTERNET EXPLORER ON THEIR MACHINES. That's right, lrig_rorrim sidesteps to alternate realities and installs Internet Explorer on delicate little fey computers with dewdrop monitors and lightning bug CPUs. So infamous is her reign of wee folk terror, that when sweet little woodland sprites put their gossamer-winged children to bed at night, they check under the tree roots to make sure lrig_rorrim isn't hiding there. BE WARNED!
prog_schlock - He's a LOLcat plotting all our demise. At least one LOLcat. Maybe more! He's Ceiling Cat. He's MANY ceiling cats. He sees all. He knows all. He confessed all, with photo evidence just last week! Only YOU can stop the madness!
bleodswean - One of the more poetic writers in the competition, but that's not all she writes! Rumor has it she made 50 different Tumblr accounts which she uses to sit in front of the computer all day, alternately reblogging extreme social justice spam and Westboro Baptist newsletters, and then she gets into flamewars with herself over all of it. She xeroxes her butt, puts the pictures on facebook, and tags all her friends and their bosses. She also sells sugar free Girl Scout cookies. ONLY the sugar free ones. Let us not tolerate one more moment of these uncouth shenanigans!
orockthro - Oh sure, she SEEMS like a goodnatured newbie, but did you know she illegally farms foulmouthed sea serpents and sells them as exotic pets on the black markert? WELL NOW YOU DO. Say no to GMO sea serpents. Say no to orockthro!
gratefuladdict and kickthehobbit - So brazen are these two that they confess their crimes in their usernames! Addicted to WHAT, hmmm? Crime? Evil? Putting 50 Michael Bolton songs on the jukebox back to back at the local bar and then fleeing the scene, leaving the hapless patrons to writhe in agony? And what did that poor, innocent little hobbit ever do to deserve a brutal boot to the head? Can YOU answer that question? WELL NEITHER CAN I. Case closed.
I hope you will please take these grave warnings to heart. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
[PTW's note - All of the above is, of course, totally made up bullshit. No actual LJ Idol competitors were harmed in the making of this entry.]
halfshellvenus - A thoroughly shady individual, lurking in the shadows of the LJ Idol alleys, dashing through the night and leaving cryptic comments as her calling card. Constructive feedback? Or encoded message of doom? Only YOU can be the judge!
whipchick - A hardened criminal hiding behind a glittery circus act - but it's all a front. For the Mafia. But the Mafia's a front too. For a hard knocks writing camp. And you thought some big dude named Tony busting your kneecaps with a crowbar was brutal!
kathrynrose - Don't let this one deceive you! All her "I don't understand technology" stuff is a ruse. A ruse, I tell you! And know what ELSE I'll tell you? Kate is a cybercriminal mastermind. She'll hack into your computer, install Internet Explorer on your system, load up a Youtube video playing the Denver the Last Dinosaur theme song on infinite repeat, lock the volume controls, and change your screensaver password so you can't turn it off. Got Denver the Last Dinosaur theme song stuck in your head now? I BET YOU DO. That's just what Kate wanted.
lrig_rorrim - Oh, you THINK she's writing fiction, but you know what's really going on? She's like a Ghostbuster. But EVIL. She runs around abducting poor, innocent time travelers and mages and otherworldly creatures, and she tortures them for their memoirs and biographies, which she then posts to LJ. And you know what ELSE she does? While those poor magical creatures are helplessly tied up in her basement, she invades their homes AND SHE INSTALLS INTERNET EXPLORER ON THEIR MACHINES. That's right, lrig_rorrim sidesteps to alternate realities and installs Internet Explorer on delicate little fey computers with dewdrop monitors and lightning bug CPUs. So infamous is her reign of wee folk terror, that when sweet little woodland sprites put their gossamer-winged children to bed at night, they check under the tree roots to make sure lrig_rorrim isn't hiding there. BE WARNED!
prog_schlock - He's a LOLcat plotting all our demise. At least one LOLcat. Maybe more! He's Ceiling Cat. He's MANY ceiling cats. He sees all. He knows all. He confessed all, with photo evidence just last week! Only YOU can stop the madness!
bleodswean - One of the more poetic writers in the competition, but that's not all she writes! Rumor has it she made 50 different Tumblr accounts which she uses to sit in front of the computer all day, alternately reblogging extreme social justice spam and Westboro Baptist newsletters, and then she gets into flamewars with herself over all of it. She xeroxes her butt, puts the pictures on facebook, and tags all her friends and their bosses. She also sells sugar free Girl Scout cookies. ONLY the sugar free ones. Let us not tolerate one more moment of these uncouth shenanigans!
orockthro - Oh sure, she SEEMS like a goodnatured newbie, but did you know she illegally farms foulmouthed sea serpents and sells them as exotic pets on the black markert? WELL NOW YOU DO. Say no to GMO sea serpents. Say no to orockthro!
gratefuladdict and kickthehobbit - So brazen are these two that they confess their crimes in their usernames! Addicted to WHAT, hmmm? Crime? Evil? Putting 50 Michael Bolton songs on the jukebox back to back at the local bar and then fleeing the scene, leaving the hapless patrons to writhe in agony? And what did that poor, innocent little hobbit ever do to deserve a brutal boot to the head? Can YOU answer that question? WELL NEITHER CAN I. Case closed.
I hope you will please take these grave warnings to heart. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
[PTW's note - All of the above is, of course, totally made up bullshit. No actual LJ Idol competitors were harmed in the making of this entry.]