T-T-T-Tips for life!
Here we are at a close. Had a great time hearing everyone else's tips.
Thanks a bunch, kids.
My method for avoiding crying when doing stuff with onions, is to do it near a running tap (very warm water).
If you need to leave your car in an area where you think it might get stolen, remove some small but vital part like the fuse for the fuel pump.
Eat vegetables, and lots of them. Your parents weren't kidding.
If you spill wine on a light tablecloth, and you don't have any white wine handy, pour salt immediately on the stain and let it sit there for a day or so before washing.
Lemons can be used for a lot of things. Make shoes look like new, get rid of coffee/tea stains on old mugs, rust (put a lemon drenched cotton ball on the rust spot overnight), polish copperware
Put some absorbant paper under your cheese in the fridge, all excess moisture will be absorbed by the paper and the cheese won't become moldy.
Sharpen scissors by using it a few times on a piece of sand paper.
If you get a cramp in your calf muscle, just straighten your leg in front of you and pull back on your toes, instantly goes away
If there is a woodworking shop (cabinets, furniture, etc.) nearby, they will usually give you scraps that are great for fire kindling.
To peel garlic, put a clove on the cutting board and smash it with the flat side of your knife.
Always put frozen spinach in a towel and squeeze out the water before using it in any type of dish.
The dremel is the most useful tool in the universe.
Fish oil pills really do reduce cholesterol
Light a big piece of newspaper and stick it up your fireplace floo. This warms up the chimney a bit and gets the smoke going up it.
Putting a board under your sofa cushions cures that saggy thing they all get.
Rubber Dish Gloves get cat hair off of furniture very well.
Drink watter all day (8-10 glasses). Taking short breaks (you will piss a bit more) every hour or so will increase your mental productivity. It is also good for your kidneys and your colon.
If you do carry a wallet (I really think if a mugger wants your money it doesn't matter where you stick it, if it's not up your ass he's gonna get it), carry a small one (thin) It can really hurt your back when you are sitting lopsided all day.
Don't keep a condom in your wallet, if it get's heated up or the friction and pressure from your fat ass sitting on it all day it can damage the rubber. Also you really don't want to bring out your wallet to pay for something with your date and have her see that little ring caused by your condom that's been in there for god knows how long. Just keep em in your dresser or bed side table, and stick one in your jacket or cargo or any-other-non-ass-bearing pocket before you go out.
If you have a girlfriend and would like to keep her, before you go drinking with the guys shut your cell phone off and give it to the designated driver. Not so much so she won't call you, but so you won't call her.
Never cut your toenails so they are rounded, (the way you cut your fingernails) They are more brittle and if you cut them with too rounded of a shape you can get ingrown toenails. Those suck. A lot.
Sleep on your stomach if you've been drinking, you don't want to go out like Hendrix.
When changing your oil, take the filler cap off before removing the drain plug.
If you want to wear cologne/perfume, do not use a scented bodywash unless it is made to compliment the cologne/perfume (ie Victoria's Secret Very Sexy II for Him Bodywash and Cologne). After drying off, but before putting on any clothes, spray the cologne once or twice in front of you and walk through it. Put clothes on afterwards. This prevents the "smell cloud" effect, people smell it when getting close, but not when passing you in the hallway.
-Follow-up to above: If you are preparing for a date that may end with any sort of sexual encounter, trim your fucking pubes, guys and girls. Also, after you put your pants on, pull the waist out and squirt a little cologne/perfume down there. There's nothing more arousing than peeling off a girl's panties an having a sensual smelling perfume smack you in the face. Same for guys, the girl may be more apt and willing to go down if your crotchal region smells very good.
When preparing for a job interview, put a layer of antipersperant on first, and then a layer of deoderant. Deoderant alone does not reduce sweating, and may result in slight pitstains, especially if you're nervous.
If you ever get into a fight with your long-term significant other and there is seemingly no end, retreat to seperate rooms and say everything you want to say but are afraid to. Come back and resume the fight. Chances are it will be much more civil and have a constructive result.
-Follow-up to above: Guys, when everything is going perfectly with your relationship, send your girlfriend flowers or a Vermont Teddybear. If you can do it well, cook her a surprise meal.
Never be afraid to follow the herd. If there is one thing I've learned in life that I wish I knew five years ago, it would be this.
If you're standing in a line at the grocery store or wherever, turn to the person behind you and make small talk. I make it a point to speak to at least one person I don't know everyday. I have met some of my best friends this way.
30 mg of Zinc and 1000mg of L-Lysine three times a day WILL give you rock-hard erections, the staying power of an 8-year veteran pornstar, add at least 3/4 of an inch to your length when hard, and make you shoot at least a quart of spunk 6+ feet everytime, no matter how long between loadblows. I doubted it myself, but it is true.
If you get candle wax on something put it in the freezer.
To get candle wax off carpet, use newspaper and a warm iron once you've chipped off what you can. Put the newspaper down and run the iron over it - the wax gets absorbed into the paper. You need patience, but it does work.
Cubes of sugar in biscuit barrels help the biscuits stay crisp.
Cubes of sugar in thermos flasks stop them getting smelly while they're empty.
Don't worry about something that MAY happen. It may not, and then you just wasted all that time worrying over nothing. If it actually DOES happen, then you can skip worry and just deal with it. stress--
Fold the laundry between the dryer and the basket. It comes out of the dryer wrinkle-free, so folding it now cuts WAY down on ironing later.
Make a conscious effort to smell good. Don't kill yourself with aerosol deodorants like that kid in the UK did, but shower daily. Use an anti-bacterial soap, wear deodorant, brush your teeth/tongue, etc. Smell works in your favor on a subconscious level. You don't have to actually stink for it to work against you. On a subconscious level, you might just smell "wrong." You're not trying to smell like perfume, you're just shooting for "pleasant," or at the very least "unobtrusive."
All of his other smell related advice is sound save this one. Antibacterial soap in the long run will do you more harm than good. Excessive use of AB soap on the body makes your body less resistant to smell-causing bacteria, and same goes for your bodies resistance to disease/bugs/bacteria. My friend's mother uses the stuff after every blink, breath, sneeze, door handle, peice of cutlery, dishes, and word... and she is CONSTANTLY sick. A friend of mine [as the Pharmacy/Medical student she is] swears that if her mother were to use less antibacterial stuff in the household [outside of it, different story.. isogel is a good idea in a hospital, and even in public places], she'd be much more resistant.
Getting cramps? Less salt. Muscle cramps are invariably caused by too much salt in your system. As we all know salt water conducts electricity, salty electrolytes in your muscles end up "shorting" nerves and cause your muscle to spasm, which causes more current, more shorts etc. Drink more water and eat less salt. Fruit and Veg is also [ALWAYS] good.
Super cleaning, sticker removal, stain removal and more! - Lighter Fluid, the kind you put in your zippo. Its a great solvent, it cleans plastics, melts the glue on stickers and always evaporates away to nothing. I use it for cleaning all sorts of shit. Its good at getting tar and oil out of clothes, and its a great de-greaser for mechanical crap. It's also cheap as fuck. Brilliant for taking the price tags off gifts etc, even book covers.
When cooking corn on the cob, start with the corn in cold watter and put it on a medium heat. When the watter is at a full boil, the corn will be ready to eat.
When you make chili or salsa, always try to make it at least a day ahead of time. It gets so much better when you let the flavors blend.
Carbonation will give you osteoperosus (have yourself another doctor pepper).
It's been said before to do your fucking homework, but more importantly, go to class. It's virtually impossible to get a 'D' or worse if you go to class and pay attention (in college). There are some exceptions to this one, but for the most part, schools these days have gone to the philosophy that students are paying for their education and not earning it.
Kegerator will keep your beer fresh for 40 days versus a hand tap will only last for about 18 hours.
A camera phone will keep you from calling an ugly girl/guy the next day. Take a picture of any person who's number you get.
If you are going to give your spare key to a neighbor, give it to the hot girls/guys living down the hall.
Never pet a burning dog
Poor man's iron: Get a spray bottle and lightly spray wrinkled clothes. As the water evaporates, the wrinkles will come right out (if you play your cards right, this will have happened before you put them on.
- Better still, hang your clothes in the bathroom while you take a shower.
Addicted to candy/sweets/food in general? Buy a huge box of gum and pop a stick in your mouth whenever you get a craving. It will satisfy your oral fixation and stimulate your sugar-sensing taste buds without all the calories and ill-effects. Or even better, find a healthy snack food you like - rice cakes, baby carrots, fruit - and keep it within arm's reach. Arrange your home to take advantage of your laziness.
Sneak more vegetables into your food, even if it's just the lettuce in your sandwich.
In an emergency, saliva is a pretty awesome cleaning agent. Good for things like blood in clothes (used this about five minutes ago).
It's hard, I know, but do your damndest to smile at people - yes, even complete strangers - more. Especially the person at the counter. They've been dealing with assholes all day, and it helps, really. Think about how you feel when someone smiles at you and pass that feeling around like it's going out of style.
Which leads me to my next point: avoid cliches like the plague [Gawd do I hate this phrase].
Keep a blanket and a snack in your car - not just for emergencies, but for whatever.
Pick up hitchhikers. The chances of anything bad happening are astronomically low (caveat: if you are a young woman, use some discretion at night), and hitchhiking fucking sucks, and on that note...
STOP LIVING IN FEAR. Stop double bolting your door. Stop checking all your windows before you go to sleep. Stop carrying a gun. Stop jumping at shadows. Stop carrying a flashlight with you everywhere at night - you live on a fucking college campus in the middle of nowhere for fuck's sake you stupid, ignorant bit [Unless you live in the ghetto of some huge city where bad shit REALLY DOES HAPPEN on a regular basis (in this case, see my next point).]
Move out of the city already. The human senses were not meant to be constantly bombarded with information - it's no wonder we're such a psychologically unhealthy society. And the air there is not good for you. If you're rich, you can afford to move. If you're poor, you'll end up better off - you can get more space for less money in rural areas where there's not a premium on it, and you can probably get a job where you're not a single drone among the horde.
Stop watching TV. You may watch a few shows a week, but stop just turning it on and tuning out the world. And mute the commercials when you do. It's trite, but: read a book, go for a walk, draw something, write a song, write a poem, call an old friend you haven't talked to in a while, learn to cook a new dish, learn to cook, invite a friend over to watch a movie, do your fucking taxes [it's also good to keep a list of things you need to get done for times when you're bored].
Stop drinking. It has been proven conclusively over and over again in bar labs that all the "beneficial" social effects of alcohol are entirely psychosomatic (i.e. - It's a placebo; at least in that respect) whereas all the dangers and negative effects are very, very real. The glass of red wine a day thing. . .they come out with a new study weekly that "proves" it is now either good or bad for you. Proceed at your own risk. [THESE ONES WERE NOT MY TIPS]
Get a vaporizer and quit fucking up your lungs.
Stop smoking, asshole. And quit fucking up your lungs and everyone else's (for the over-defensive "cross the street, you lazy proselytizing bastard" smoker crowd - fuck you: you try walking around town for a day without inhaling cigarette smoke. It doesn't work).
Exercise more - best way is to use a bicycle to travel reasonably short distances instead of driving. You don't have to set aside time for it, and it's a lot more fun than hitting the stair climber for an hour in your leg warmers.
And stop feeling sorry for yourself. Learn to appreciate what you have - a whole hell of a lot, I don't care who you are. Thank people that deserve your appreciation, you can never be too grateful.
Break out of the system. Next time you do something you are supposed to do, stop and ask "Why?" If you can't come up with anything better than "Because," don't do it.
The black fuck with a do-rag and his belt around his knees is no more likely to fuck you over than the white dude in the expensive suit with the Armani tie - he'll probably just be more straightforward about it.
Think, goddammit. You don't do it enough.
Listen to the viewpoints of others seriously, even if you don't agree with them. Try to learn to look at things from the point of view of others, if only so you can understand why they're wrong (or, God forbid, why you're wrong - yes, it happens).
Furthermore, learn to apologize. Swallow your pride and do it. It will make your life so much better in the end.
Slow down.
Get involved in politics, if just a few hours a month at a local level. The way it stands right now in the US, the country is controlled by rich white guys. 98% of us are not rich white guys. If you don't understand why this is fucked up, you are proof that something needs to change. And you can change things, if you're marginally clever about it.
Think about the actions you take every day and what effect they have on the world. Find out where your dollars go after they hit the cash register and whether or not you like their destination.
Recycling is a cop out. Odds are, the shit you've carefully sorted will all get thrown in the landfill anyway. Print on the other side of the paper instead of sticking it in the bin.
Violent protest never works.
Learn to know, love, and appreciate CRFGD (and Dr. Eldarion, God of Deals).
Duct tape is wonderful, but it makes shitty packing tape.
It's been said before, but drink more water.
Repair your fucked up relationships if at all possible.
Send more mail (the corporeal kind).
Criticize things and people more, but for God's sake, do it tactfully and constructively.
Actually listen to the music.
DO NOT USE OIL-BASED LUBRICANT WITH A CONDOM! (most hand lotion, massage oils, etc.) The oil will break down the latex and make microscopic holes which will allow STD's and baby-makers to get through unimpeded - EVEN IF YOU CAN'T SEE ANY HOLES. Use K-Y or another water-based lubricant.
Learn to enjoy the rain.
And now I need to take some frequently-offered advice and get the fuck to sleep.
Always appear calm. Don't let anything break your composure, even if you're nervous or scared. People will respect you more if you can keep your cool, and it can often prevent mistakes.
If you're at a party and you don't know anyone, make it a point to meet the host and introduce yourself. The host can introduce you to other guys/girls and it scores you points so you get invited back.
Keep a towel in your car. You never know when you'll need it; but every time you do, you'll be glad you had it.
Go down to the DMV and get an extra identification card. That way, if you lose your wallet, you can still go to the bank to get money and to the bar to get booze.
Always have a book to read.
If you smoke in your car, put one of those silicone absorber packets underneath the ashtray. It will make a big difference in the smell of your car.
When you start thinking about kissing a girl, she is probably thinking about being kissed too. Look her in the eye, and then lightly run one hand from her temple down through her hair. If she doesn't pull away, kiss her.
Don't smell bad, ever. If you don't have any gum or breathmints, swish some water around in your mouth. Its better then nothing.
When your out buying clothes, take a girl. First, they can tell you if what you plan to buy is attractive or not. Second, they probably go shopping a lot more then you, so they know the good deals from the bad. Third, you'd be suprised on the girls you can meet when you take a girl shopping with you.
Know how to tie a half-windsor knot. Most people won't know the difference, but the people who do are the ones you want to impress.
Guys are interested in girls for a physical connection, but partly look for an emotional connection. Girls are interested in guys for a emotional connection, but partly look for a physical connection.
Don't loan money to friends.
Spend some effort staying in touch with friends.
Got a stained carpet? Mix hydrogen peroxide with dawn dishwashing liquid and rub into the stain. Watch it disappear before your eyes. Works on everything I have tried it on.
If you have evil ninja itchy nasal hair and want to control it [but lets face it, pulling it is omgjesusthatfrigginghurts painful], try this. Get a lighter and you can easily pass your finger through the flame of. Waft the lighter under your nostrils and *very* gently inhale. For the sake of god start further away than you think and move in till you hear a fizzle as they burn/melt. You shouldn't really feel any heat at all if you do it right (I've used this tech. for years now, learn it and never itch/hurt again)
Appearing wise online is made much easier if you follow this tip. Type whatever it is you want to say, then delete it. This is especially accurate on IRC.
Fed up of not finding your fave cd of the week, whether its a game cd or application etc, screw a few of the black innards from a cd case to the wall, then just pop the CD's you currently use most in them. They shall always be handy.
If you cut yourself, use a 'super glue' (instant set type ones that glue anything to anything). It forms an instant 'scab' and new tissue just grows through it to heal (this was a tip given to my brother by a doctor).
Always get consent before attempting anal sex, she won't believe "I slipped.." so don't try it.
Does your mobile phone have a scratched up screen, carpet makes an excellent polisher, just rub the phone 'facia' on the floor (note, some carpet works better than others, experiment).
You do not brush your teeth more than twice a day. Over brushing causes your gums to receed, then teeth to fall out. There is also a technique to brushing your teeth, you dont just randomly scrub them with a brush or you get gums receeding and miss dirty spots. Also brush teeth after you floss, flossing mostly loosens debris, brushing gets it all out.
- -
Thanks again to everyone's great contributions. I hope we've all gotten some good practical advice out of this, and I'll have it up for a few more days in case some of us college-dwellers are moving in and need a good trick for living cheap in the dorms. Take them well and live happy.
Thanks a bunch, kids.
My method for avoiding crying when doing stuff with onions, is to do it near a running tap (very warm water).
If you need to leave your car in an area where you think it might get stolen, remove some small but vital part like the fuse for the fuel pump.
Eat vegetables, and lots of them. Your parents weren't kidding.
If you spill wine on a light tablecloth, and you don't have any white wine handy, pour salt immediately on the stain and let it sit there for a day or so before washing.
Lemons can be used for a lot of things. Make shoes look like new, get rid of coffee/tea stains on old mugs, rust (put a lemon drenched cotton ball on the rust spot overnight), polish copperware
Put some absorbant paper under your cheese in the fridge, all excess moisture will be absorbed by the paper and the cheese won't become moldy.
Sharpen scissors by using it a few times on a piece of sand paper.
If you get a cramp in your calf muscle, just straighten your leg in front of you and pull back on your toes, instantly goes away
If there is a woodworking shop (cabinets, furniture, etc.) nearby, they will usually give you scraps that are great for fire kindling.
To peel garlic, put a clove on the cutting board and smash it with the flat side of your knife.
Always put frozen spinach in a towel and squeeze out the water before using it in any type of dish.
The dremel is the most useful tool in the universe.
Fish oil pills really do reduce cholesterol
Light a big piece of newspaper and stick it up your fireplace floo. This warms up the chimney a bit and gets the smoke going up it.
Putting a board under your sofa cushions cures that saggy thing they all get.
Rubber Dish Gloves get cat hair off of furniture very well.
Drink watter all day (8-10 glasses). Taking short breaks (you will piss a bit more) every hour or so will increase your mental productivity. It is also good for your kidneys and your colon.
If you do carry a wallet (I really think if a mugger wants your money it doesn't matter where you stick it, if it's not up your ass he's gonna get it), carry a small one (thin) It can really hurt your back when you are sitting lopsided all day.
Don't keep a condom in your wallet, if it get's heated up or the friction and pressure from your fat ass sitting on it all day it can damage the rubber. Also you really don't want to bring out your wallet to pay for something with your date and have her see that little ring caused by your condom that's been in there for god knows how long. Just keep em in your dresser or bed side table, and stick one in your jacket or cargo or any-other-non-ass-bearing pocket before you go out.
If you have a girlfriend and would like to keep her, before you go drinking with the guys shut your cell phone off and give it to the designated driver. Not so much so she won't call you, but so you won't call her.
Never cut your toenails so they are rounded, (the way you cut your fingernails) They are more brittle and if you cut them with too rounded of a shape you can get ingrown toenails. Those suck. A lot.
Sleep on your stomach if you've been drinking, you don't want to go out like Hendrix.
When changing your oil, take the filler cap off before removing the drain plug.
If you want to wear cologne/perfume, do not use a scented bodywash unless it is made to compliment the cologne/perfume (ie Victoria's Secret Very Sexy II for Him Bodywash and Cologne). After drying off, but before putting on any clothes, spray the cologne once or twice in front of you and walk through it. Put clothes on afterwards. This prevents the "smell cloud" effect, people smell it when getting close, but not when passing you in the hallway.
-Follow-up to above: If you are preparing for a date that may end with any sort of sexual encounter, trim your fucking pubes, guys and girls. Also, after you put your pants on, pull the waist out and squirt a little cologne/perfume down there. There's nothing more arousing than peeling off a girl's panties an having a sensual smelling perfume smack you in the face. Same for guys, the girl may be more apt and willing to go down if your crotchal region smells very good.
When preparing for a job interview, put a layer of antipersperant on first, and then a layer of deoderant. Deoderant alone does not reduce sweating, and may result in slight pitstains, especially if you're nervous.
If you ever get into a fight with your long-term significant other and there is seemingly no end, retreat to seperate rooms and say everything you want to say but are afraid to. Come back and resume the fight. Chances are it will be much more civil and have a constructive result.
-Follow-up to above: Guys, when everything is going perfectly with your relationship, send your girlfriend flowers or a Vermont Teddybear. If you can do it well, cook her a surprise meal.
Never be afraid to follow the herd. If there is one thing I've learned in life that I wish I knew five years ago, it would be this.
If you're standing in a line at the grocery store or wherever, turn to the person behind you and make small talk. I make it a point to speak to at least one person I don't know everyday. I have met some of my best friends this way.
30 mg of Zinc and 1000mg of L-Lysine three times a day WILL give you rock-hard erections, the staying power of an 8-year veteran pornstar, add at least 3/4 of an inch to your length when hard, and make you shoot at least a quart of spunk 6+ feet everytime, no matter how long between loadblows. I doubted it myself, but it is true.
If you get candle wax on something put it in the freezer.
To get candle wax off carpet, use newspaper and a warm iron once you've chipped off what you can. Put the newspaper down and run the iron over it - the wax gets absorbed into the paper. You need patience, but it does work.
Cubes of sugar in biscuit barrels help the biscuits stay crisp.
Cubes of sugar in thermos flasks stop them getting smelly while they're empty.
Don't worry about something that MAY happen. It may not, and then you just wasted all that time worrying over nothing. If it actually DOES happen, then you can skip worry and just deal with it. stress--
Fold the laundry between the dryer and the basket. It comes out of the dryer wrinkle-free, so folding it now cuts WAY down on ironing later.
Make a conscious effort to smell good. Don't kill yourself with aerosol deodorants like that kid in the UK did, but shower daily. Use an anti-bacterial soap, wear deodorant, brush your teeth/tongue, etc. Smell works in your favor on a subconscious level. You don't have to actually stink for it to work against you. On a subconscious level, you might just smell "wrong." You're not trying to smell like perfume, you're just shooting for "pleasant," or at the very least "unobtrusive."
All of his other smell related advice is sound save this one. Antibacterial soap in the long run will do you more harm than good. Excessive use of AB soap on the body makes your body less resistant to smell-causing bacteria, and same goes for your bodies resistance to disease/bugs/bacteria. My friend's mother uses the stuff after every blink, breath, sneeze, door handle, peice of cutlery, dishes, and word... and she is CONSTANTLY sick. A friend of mine [as the Pharmacy/Medical student she is] swears that if her mother were to use less antibacterial stuff in the household [outside of it, different story.. isogel is a good idea in a hospital, and even in public places], she'd be much more resistant.
Getting cramps? Less salt. Muscle cramps are invariably caused by too much salt in your system. As we all know salt water conducts electricity, salty electrolytes in your muscles end up "shorting" nerves and cause your muscle to spasm, which causes more current, more shorts etc. Drink more water and eat less salt. Fruit and Veg is also [ALWAYS] good.
Super cleaning, sticker removal, stain removal and more! - Lighter Fluid, the kind you put in your zippo. Its a great solvent, it cleans plastics, melts the glue on stickers and always evaporates away to nothing. I use it for cleaning all sorts of shit. Its good at getting tar and oil out of clothes, and its a great de-greaser for mechanical crap. It's also cheap as fuck. Brilliant for taking the price tags off gifts etc, even book covers.
When cooking corn on the cob, start with the corn in cold watter and put it on a medium heat. When the watter is at a full boil, the corn will be ready to eat.
When you make chili or salsa, always try to make it at least a day ahead of time. It gets so much better when you let the flavors blend.
Carbonation will give you osteoperosus (have yourself another doctor pepper).
It's been said before to do your fucking homework, but more importantly, go to class. It's virtually impossible to get a 'D' or worse if you go to class and pay attention (in college). There are some exceptions to this one, but for the most part, schools these days have gone to the philosophy that students are paying for their education and not earning it.
Kegerator will keep your beer fresh for 40 days versus a hand tap will only last for about 18 hours.
A camera phone will keep you from calling an ugly girl/guy the next day. Take a picture of any person who's number you get.
If you are going to give your spare key to a neighbor, give it to the hot girls/guys living down the hall.
Never pet a burning dog
Poor man's iron: Get a spray bottle and lightly spray wrinkled clothes. As the water evaporates, the wrinkles will come right out (if you play your cards right, this will have happened before you put them on.
- Better still, hang your clothes in the bathroom while you take a shower.
Addicted to candy/sweets/food in general? Buy a huge box of gum and pop a stick in your mouth whenever you get a craving. It will satisfy your oral fixation and stimulate your sugar-sensing taste buds without all the calories and ill-effects. Or even better, find a healthy snack food you like - rice cakes, baby carrots, fruit - and keep it within arm's reach. Arrange your home to take advantage of your laziness.
Sneak more vegetables into your food, even if it's just the lettuce in your sandwich.
In an emergency, saliva is a pretty awesome cleaning agent. Good for things like blood in clothes (used this about five minutes ago).
It's hard, I know, but do your damndest to smile at people - yes, even complete strangers - more. Especially the person at the counter. They've been dealing with assholes all day, and it helps, really. Think about how you feel when someone smiles at you and pass that feeling around like it's going out of style.
Which leads me to my next point: avoid cliches like the plague [Gawd do I hate this phrase].
Keep a blanket and a snack in your car - not just for emergencies, but for whatever.
Pick up hitchhikers. The chances of anything bad happening are astronomically low (caveat: if you are a young woman, use some discretion at night), and hitchhiking fucking sucks, and on that note...
STOP LIVING IN FEAR. Stop double bolting your door. Stop checking all your windows before you go to sleep. Stop carrying a gun. Stop jumping at shadows. Stop carrying a flashlight with you everywhere at night - you live on a fucking college campus in the middle of nowhere for fuck's sake you stupid, ignorant bit [Unless you live in the ghetto of some huge city where bad shit REALLY DOES HAPPEN on a regular basis (in this case, see my next point).]
Move out of the city already. The human senses were not meant to be constantly bombarded with information - it's no wonder we're such a psychologically unhealthy society. And the air there is not good for you. If you're rich, you can afford to move. If you're poor, you'll end up better off - you can get more space for less money in rural areas where there's not a premium on it, and you can probably get a job where you're not a single drone among the horde.
Stop watching TV. You may watch a few shows a week, but stop just turning it on and tuning out the world. And mute the commercials when you do. It's trite, but: read a book, go for a walk, draw something, write a song, write a poem, call an old friend you haven't talked to in a while, learn to cook a new dish, learn to cook, invite a friend over to watch a movie, do your fucking taxes [it's also good to keep a list of things you need to get done for times when you're bored].
Stop drinking. It has been proven conclusively over and over again in bar labs that all the "beneficial" social effects of alcohol are entirely psychosomatic (i.e. - It's a placebo; at least in that respect) whereas all the dangers and negative effects are very, very real. The glass of red wine a day thing. . .they come out with a new study weekly that "proves" it is now either good or bad for you. Proceed at your own risk. [THESE ONES WERE NOT MY TIPS]
Get a vaporizer and quit fucking up your lungs.
Stop smoking, asshole. And quit fucking up your lungs and everyone else's (for the over-defensive "cross the street, you lazy proselytizing bastard" smoker crowd - fuck you: you try walking around town for a day without inhaling cigarette smoke. It doesn't work).
Exercise more - best way is to use a bicycle to travel reasonably short distances instead of driving. You don't have to set aside time for it, and it's a lot more fun than hitting the stair climber for an hour in your leg warmers.
And stop feeling sorry for yourself. Learn to appreciate what you have - a whole hell of a lot, I don't care who you are. Thank people that deserve your appreciation, you can never be too grateful.
Break out of the system. Next time you do something you are supposed to do, stop and ask "Why?" If you can't come up with anything better than "Because," don't do it.
The black fuck with a do-rag and his belt around his knees is no more likely to fuck you over than the white dude in the expensive suit with the Armani tie - he'll probably just be more straightforward about it.
Think, goddammit. You don't do it enough.
Listen to the viewpoints of others seriously, even if you don't agree with them. Try to learn to look at things from the point of view of others, if only so you can understand why they're wrong (or, God forbid, why you're wrong - yes, it happens).
Furthermore, learn to apologize. Swallow your pride and do it. It will make your life so much better in the end.
Slow down.
Get involved in politics, if just a few hours a month at a local level. The way it stands right now in the US, the country is controlled by rich white guys. 98% of us are not rich white guys. If you don't understand why this is fucked up, you are proof that something needs to change. And you can change things, if you're marginally clever about it.
Think about the actions you take every day and what effect they have on the world. Find out where your dollars go after they hit the cash register and whether or not you like their destination.
Recycling is a cop out. Odds are, the shit you've carefully sorted will all get thrown in the landfill anyway. Print on the other side of the paper instead of sticking it in the bin.
Violent protest never works.
Learn to know, love, and appreciate CRFGD (and Dr. Eldarion, God of Deals).
Duct tape is wonderful, but it makes shitty packing tape.
It's been said before, but drink more water.
Repair your fucked up relationships if at all possible.
Send more mail (the corporeal kind).
Criticize things and people more, but for God's sake, do it tactfully and constructively.
Actually listen to the music.
DO NOT USE OIL-BASED LUBRICANT WITH A CONDOM! (most hand lotion, massage oils, etc.) The oil will break down the latex and make microscopic holes which will allow STD's and baby-makers to get through unimpeded - EVEN IF YOU CAN'T SEE ANY HOLES. Use K-Y or another water-based lubricant.
Learn to enjoy the rain.
And now I need to take some frequently-offered advice and get the fuck to sleep.
Always appear calm. Don't let anything break your composure, even if you're nervous or scared. People will respect you more if you can keep your cool, and it can often prevent mistakes.
If you're at a party and you don't know anyone, make it a point to meet the host and introduce yourself. The host can introduce you to other guys/girls and it scores you points so you get invited back.
Keep a towel in your car. You never know when you'll need it; but every time you do, you'll be glad you had it.
Go down to the DMV and get an extra identification card. That way, if you lose your wallet, you can still go to the bank to get money and to the bar to get booze.
Always have a book to read.
If you smoke in your car, put one of those silicone absorber packets underneath the ashtray. It will make a big difference in the smell of your car.
When you start thinking about kissing a girl, she is probably thinking about being kissed too. Look her in the eye, and then lightly run one hand from her temple down through her hair. If she doesn't pull away, kiss her.
Don't smell bad, ever. If you don't have any gum or breathmints, swish some water around in your mouth. Its better then nothing.
When your out buying clothes, take a girl. First, they can tell you if what you plan to buy is attractive or not. Second, they probably go shopping a lot more then you, so they know the good deals from the bad. Third, you'd be suprised on the girls you can meet when you take a girl shopping with you.
Know how to tie a half-windsor knot. Most people won't know the difference, but the people who do are the ones you want to impress.
Guys are interested in girls for a physical connection, but partly look for an emotional connection. Girls are interested in guys for a emotional connection, but partly look for a physical connection.
Don't loan money to friends.
Spend some effort staying in touch with friends.
Got a stained carpet? Mix hydrogen peroxide with dawn dishwashing liquid and rub into the stain. Watch it disappear before your eyes. Works on everything I have tried it on.
If you have evil ninja itchy nasal hair and want to control it [but lets face it, pulling it is omgjesusthatfrigginghurts painful], try this. Get a lighter and you can easily pass your finger through the flame of. Waft the lighter under your nostrils and *very* gently inhale. For the sake of god start further away than you think and move in till you hear a fizzle as they burn/melt. You shouldn't really feel any heat at all if you do it right (I've used this tech. for years now, learn it and never itch/hurt again)
Appearing wise online is made much easier if you follow this tip. Type whatever it is you want to say, then delete it. This is especially accurate on IRC.
Fed up of not finding your fave cd of the week, whether its a game cd or application etc, screw a few of the black innards from a cd case to the wall, then just pop the CD's you currently use most in them. They shall always be handy.
If you cut yourself, use a 'super glue' (instant set type ones that glue anything to anything). It forms an instant 'scab' and new tissue just grows through it to heal (this was a tip given to my brother by a doctor).
Always get consent before attempting anal sex, she won't believe "I slipped.." so don't try it.
Does your mobile phone have a scratched up screen, carpet makes an excellent polisher, just rub the phone 'facia' on the floor (note, some carpet works better than others, experiment).
You do not brush your teeth more than twice a day. Over brushing causes your gums to receed, then teeth to fall out. There is also a technique to brushing your teeth, you dont just randomly scrub them with a brush or you get gums receeding and miss dirty spots. Also brush teeth after you floss, flossing mostly loosens debris, brushing gets it all out.
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Thanks again to everyone's great contributions. I hope we've all gotten some good practical advice out of this, and I'll have it up for a few more days in case some of us college-dwellers are moving in and need a good trick for living cheap in the dorms. Take them well and live happy.