(no subject)
1:59 a.m. june 21
i started drinking as soon as i awoke
there has been one thing on my mind
i guess i'm trying to forget
one year ago
at this time
i was sobbing while i was snorting coke
forgetting who i was
and i just don't feel too far from there and now
another wonderful year has passed
and i am living another
which has come and will go so fast.
i forgot to get my brother
a gift for his birthday
i forgot to get my dad something for father's day
and i forgot to tell my mom
i love her.
i've been trying to make up for all the wrong
i have done
or what has seemed to be so
but it has been so long
too long
since i have had something meaningful
something worth remembering.
i hate how the people in my life
keep changing from one day to the next.
i hate how this glass
filled with cold, cold fear
is the only one i can depend on
i depend on it before myself
before you
and before these melodies
that used to put me at ease
i just feel so numb to everything
these gifts that you give me
that you bought with your money
they seem meaningless.
summer is supposed to be a time for
happy memories
not insignificant remedies
that never work
and never seem to give one warmth even though
it's been eighty something degrees
yet i am still so so cold
and i still shiver at the thought
of loss
and nothingness
and how you were so honest,
but i thank you for being so
because now i have to try my best
to succeed another year
another phase
or stage
and try not to fail to become
who i always said i would be at this age
and try not to depend on these lies
that are reflected from this mirror
that seem so real
and are very much needed to be
so real that i believe them.
i need them.
i need them to be true.
i need you.
i started drinking as soon as i awoke
there has been one thing on my mind
i guess i'm trying to forget
one year ago
at this time
i was sobbing while i was snorting coke
forgetting who i was
and i just don't feel too far from there and now
another wonderful year has passed
and i am living another
which has come and will go so fast.
i forgot to get my brother
a gift for his birthday
i forgot to get my dad something for father's day
and i forgot to tell my mom
i love her.
i've been trying to make up for all the wrong
i have done
or what has seemed to be so
but it has been so long
too long
since i have had something meaningful
something worth remembering.
i hate how the people in my life
keep changing from one day to the next.
i hate how this glass
filled with cold, cold fear
is the only one i can depend on
i depend on it before myself
before you
and before these melodies
that used to put me at ease
i just feel so numb to everything
these gifts that you give me
that you bought with your money
they seem meaningless.
summer is supposed to be a time for
happy memories
not insignificant remedies
that never work
and never seem to give one warmth even though
it's been eighty something degrees
yet i am still so so cold
and i still shiver at the thought
of loss
and nothingness
and how you were so honest,
but i thank you for being so
because now i have to try my best
to succeed another year
another phase
or stage
and try not to fail to become
who i always said i would be at this age
and try not to depend on these lies
that are reflected from this mirror
that seem so real
and are very much needed to be
so real that i believe them.
i need them.
i need them to be true.
i need you.