Journal Jumble
Just one of the many items I really had not intended to juggle this weekend.
I've been so very good about keeping my agenda tidy. There are the two or three objects in rotation that I have to focus on, and then adding the equivalent of a torch or chainsaw (or air compressor)-- no problem! I don't have the option of focusing on only one task because everything is all linked together. But it isn't a big deal because I can do several things at once, but my multi-tasking ability can get me into trouble because I think I can handle too much at once. The main strategy right now is: get everything out of Gram's house so it can be rented. But! The tactics of dealing with all the different units involved must be dealt with in small, reasonable engagements of energy or I get completely overwhelmed by the enormity of doing this all by myself. The people that have the most insight into this situation, and could be the most help, are not up to the task either physically or emotionally (as one of them is meeting with her lawyer today, has other things on her mind). None of the other people in my life have the skills necessary to help me except with heavy lifting. And, as a rather famous character put it: these things must be done delicately, in order to not cause any more friction than necessary, or wear and tear on me!
I have to keep on top of everything and this requires devoting time to organization. Yes it is all little stuff, and I must keep track of it before it becomes big stuff. As an example: I have to make sure that I am constantly reminding my father of what he is suppose to be doing. I can't loose my temper, I can't get impatient. I have tried those tactics before and they have flummoxed the overall strategy. This way is slow, but I have plenty to do while waiting. I just have to make sure I devote a certain amount of time to what I consider "business meetings and missives." As everyone knows talking to people takes time and energy-- there is a reason people hate meetings; they are big drain. At least these are not useless or dull (dealing with my parents can be tedious, but the amount of energy required to make sure I keep the focus where I want it means that these "meetings" are rarely boring).
Now that I'm treating this whole thing like the managerial position in a company owned by others (but I am in charge of) it has been working pretty well. I consider it my job to put in so many hours a week on these projects, and some of the hours must include personal interaction with the owners, and some of the hours also must include keeping up with my own stuff. If I run out of groceries and laundry it just bogs down the whole enterprise.
But this weekend a project got out of hand. I needed to move these things, but before I could, that stuff over there had to go over here. But over here there was all of this, so if I moved it... well I got so engrossed in stuff everywhere that before I was quite aware of it the backyard looked like a rubbish depot had exploded all over it. Seeing that much stuff spread out over the yard really freaked me out. I needed steady doses of fiction to not feel overwhelmed and desperate.
I managed to pack everything up, and I only have some odds and ends to attend to today. But the experience of the weekend just confirmed that: I can only juggle so much at once. I'm amazing with four items, a little stretched with five, starting to sweat with six, and at seven I'm starting to panic. And if I'm tired it is very possible that with the addition of a sixth item I will drop everything. That will not do! Because it takes way too long to get everything back into motion. I should just feel lucky I am capable of doing as much as I am. I just have to remind myself that I CAN do it all, just not all at once. Even I have to eat every now and again.
.