(no subject)
It's been such a long time now that I've fled the grasps of my journal, but in doing so, I've inappropriately dampened the spirit of my innercore and have succumbed to the inexorable grasp of ennui. My Simon, my Simon, where hath thee gone? I almost wish I hadn't had him committed to the asylum this past November, but what's done is done and I cannot take my compulsive actions back now. He is there to stay, the devil help him recuperate. We're nearing a fateful curve in the timeline of Ms. Sinclair; my dreams of paradise hath yielded to dreams of destruction, with every building crumbling at my slightest touch. This could simply be due to the fact I've not held any steady job as of late, or the fact that the doctors have told me I have no emotional depth -- I am, what can be diagnosed as, a sociopath. I refuse to go any further into this detail, as I have a particular sorrowful and vulgar tale to disclose to my faithful readers:
Nearly a decade ago, I entered into a rather fortuneless friendship, one in which neither the friend nor I ever had a true grasp of what constituted a selfless giving of the self for an "other." However, over the years, our sense of betrayal only deepened, until a few Novembers ago, the friend really let me have it. On this particular November-y day, my father had been dispatched to the hospital on account of an unfriendly attack on his kidneys. He was to spend most of this day lying in a dreary mechanical bed, hooked up to a patch of morphine, waiting for the pain to subside. Not only did I spend this day in a particularly fretful sort of mood, I had the nerve to alert my friend to this backlash of fortune. However, not only did she spurn my announcement, she further had the nerve to do so in front of our community -- albeit we only had two peers -- but nonetheless, I was shocked and appalled at her display of gratuitous apathy. Family, it seems, meant bits of beans to her. Why am I divulging the details of this rather disagreeable tale now? I simply just remembered why our friendship was fated to end due to another ill-mannered reaction by the bird. Our friendship would end a few months later at her hand, twitching to sever all ties, twitching to curse and bewilder those once considered the "closest of friends." I am sorry to say I cannot divulge further details regarding this spite-filled recollection; not only does the salt in my embittered eyes sting, but I've no heart to recount the few threads that twisted and frayed into the loss of our friendship.
Nearly a decade ago, I entered into a rather fortuneless friendship, one in which neither the friend nor I ever had a true grasp of what constituted a selfless giving of the self for an "other." However, over the years, our sense of betrayal only deepened, until a few Novembers ago, the friend really let me have it. On this particular November-y day, my father had been dispatched to the hospital on account of an unfriendly attack on his kidneys. He was to spend most of this day lying in a dreary mechanical bed, hooked up to a patch of morphine, waiting for the pain to subside. Not only did I spend this day in a particularly fretful sort of mood, I had the nerve to alert my friend to this backlash of fortune. However, not only did she spurn my announcement, she further had the nerve to do so in front of our community -- albeit we only had two peers -- but nonetheless, I was shocked and appalled at her display of gratuitous apathy. Family, it seems, meant bits of beans to her. Why am I divulging the details of this rather disagreeable tale now? I simply just remembered why our friendship was fated to end due to another ill-mannered reaction by the bird. Our friendship would end a few months later at her hand, twitching to sever all ties, twitching to curse and bewilder those once considered the "closest of friends." I am sorry to say I cannot divulge further details regarding this spite-filled recollection; not only does the salt in my embittered eyes sting, but I've no heart to recount the few threads that twisted and frayed into the loss of our friendship.