all those tears i cry, baby please dont go
oh boy... im in for a busy day today. its like my first real day of classes.
i have 6 hours in total [film, geology, sociology]... this should be fun.
but lets skip back to yesterday... i had to go home after class to go to the doctors. my mom made me go because she says she is concerned about my weight and about my eatting habits [or lack thereof]. so i went and i went after much persistence, and i was poked at, weighed, questioned... you name it. i got it. so pparently im underweight for my height. but whatever. it doesnt look like i am underweight, i look overweight if anything. and im not just extending the truth or anything like that.
regardless of what anyone is going to tell me, in my mind i am fat [ew, i hate that word]. ive struggled with weight issues for as long as i can remember and seriously, its not something i enjoy, but its something thats unavoidable. after i eat, i feel guilty. before i eat, i feel guilty. it doesnt matter what it is... ill feel guilty. my doctor said she wanted to send me to an eatting disorder clinic but i told her that i didnt want to go because i dont have an ed. its just such bull shit. all this on top of moving out, on top of a new school, on top of new classes, on top of meeting new people, on top of parents getting separated, on top of hair problems, on top of missing dan like crazy.... its not fun.
the only good thing is that i got to see dan for a couple hours yesterday...
geez.
i hope today is better than tomorrow.
xo;
i have 6 hours in total [film, geology, sociology]... this should be fun.
but lets skip back to yesterday... i had to go home after class to go to the doctors. my mom made me go because she says she is concerned about my weight and about my eatting habits [or lack thereof]. so i went and i went after much persistence, and i was poked at, weighed, questioned... you name it. i got it. so pparently im underweight for my height. but whatever. it doesnt look like i am underweight, i look overweight if anything. and im not just extending the truth or anything like that.
regardless of what anyone is going to tell me, in my mind i am fat [ew, i hate that word]. ive struggled with weight issues for as long as i can remember and seriously, its not something i enjoy, but its something thats unavoidable. after i eat, i feel guilty. before i eat, i feel guilty. it doesnt matter what it is... ill feel guilty. my doctor said she wanted to send me to an eatting disorder clinic but i told her that i didnt want to go because i dont have an ed. its just such bull shit. all this on top of moving out, on top of a new school, on top of new classes, on top of meeting new people, on top of parents getting separated, on top of hair problems, on top of missing dan like crazy.... its not fun.
the only good thing is that i got to see dan for a couple hours yesterday...
geez.
i hope today is better than tomorrow.
xo;