time and time again
you know that sex and the city episode where carrie and miranda are trying on tacky wedding dresses from the 80's and carrie starts hyperventilating when she sees herself in the mirror because the thought of marrying aidan is all just way too much for her?
i got that sensation today. it was horrifying but all i could do was smile and bite my tongue. i swear a bead of sweat dripped down my forehead.
i know it's no where near as extreme as marriage, but i got my graduation photos done today. as the robe was put on me, i felt nothing but silly. i then looked in the mirror and suddenly became short in breath. after a 5 second glance in the mirror, the photographer quickly sat me down on the stool, tilted my head up over and down, pulled my left elbow forward and brushed my hair out of my eyes. while he was telling me to smile, he was already taking the pictures and the robe somehow felt heavier and heavier. he then complained that i looked too tense and continued to snap away. i had to ask him to stop so i could wipe away that bead of sweat slinking down my face and to try and snap out of the internal mental breakdown i was experiencing.
it all happened too quickly and the photographer was all rush, rush, snap, snap.
and i'm done with McGill in 2 weeks, which also is too much to deal with.
and i'm leaving my life in montreal for who knows how long.
and i'm not ready to say goodbye.
i'm not ready.
i'm not ready.
i'm not ready to commit.
the truth is, i'm just terrified of what the future has installed for me and am unsure about 150946834058109412845 things in my life.
this is just all too much for me.
i seriously need to chill the fuck out. i'm psyching myself out.
jesus growing up is scary.
i got that sensation today. it was horrifying but all i could do was smile and bite my tongue. i swear a bead of sweat dripped down my forehead.
i know it's no where near as extreme as marriage, but i got my graduation photos done today. as the robe was put on me, i felt nothing but silly. i then looked in the mirror and suddenly became short in breath. after a 5 second glance in the mirror, the photographer quickly sat me down on the stool, tilted my head up over and down, pulled my left elbow forward and brushed my hair out of my eyes. while he was telling me to smile, he was already taking the pictures and the robe somehow felt heavier and heavier. he then complained that i looked too tense and continued to snap away. i had to ask him to stop so i could wipe away that bead of sweat slinking down my face and to try and snap out of the internal mental breakdown i was experiencing.
it all happened too quickly and the photographer was all rush, rush, snap, snap.
and i'm done with McGill in 2 weeks, which also is too much to deal with.
and i'm leaving my life in montreal for who knows how long.
and i'm not ready to say goodbye.
i'm not ready.
i'm not ready.
i'm not ready to commit.
the truth is, i'm just terrified of what the future has installed for me and am unsure about 150946834058109412845 things in my life.
this is just all too much for me.
i seriously need to chill the fuck out. i'm psyching myself out.
jesus growing up is scary.