a week on drugs
Please
Somebody
Tell me
Lie to me
So long you tell me
That I did drugs
To get to this hellhole.
Tell me
That I did not
Manage
To fuck
My life up
All on my own
As we speak
Spam
Is being filtered
Into your mail box
And there is nothing
You can do about it
For just that one moment
Life was on mute
Voiceless people
Surrounded me
Screaming
In their silence
Sorry honey
But you’ve
Only a few
Hundred thousand
Seconds left
Before we both
Move on
Failure seemed to be a lifetime ago
And yet only hours had passed
I relive that horrible moment
Every day
And I hope
And pray
That someday
I might survive a day
Without that memory
And realize that
I don’t deserve
To forget
Your abandonment
Words are just words
Until you pull them
From the chaos
Of your mind
And turn them
Into something
Worth while.
Shining blood
Reflective on the screen
Dull pain
Proof of life
Always plan
For the worst
But never, ever
Forget to hope
For the best
Can’t you just poke
Me in the eye,
Prove to me
That all this pain
Isn’t just in my
Lonely hollow head
Do not fear tomorrow
At least until
Today is done with you.
I remember the first time I ever saw the black sparkle shirt.
I thought it was utterly ridiculous,
The sparkles obviously would attach themselves to anything unfortunate enough to even lightly graze up on the shirt
Not to mention the sparkles to be lost to washing.
I wore it anyway.
I miss those ridiculous sparkles now,
The plain black shirt seems almost sad now.
I wear it anyway
And remember the days of sparkles.
Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer
To prove that I am the best at hurting myself
Poison flows from her lips
The way the rays of sunlight
Fall upon us during the summer
No matter how much we wish
We could hide
Those rays find ways to reach us
Inevitably that poison flows over us
We are covered
Do not waste your time wiping it away
You soul has already been eaten away
You are no longer in danger
Trapped in a room with a broken record story
The story haunts the walls like old cigarettes stains
It doesn’t hurt any
That I’ve been drinking
Liquid courage
For the past several hours
(It helps
That I’ve been drinking
Liquid courage
For the past several hours)
I noticed
For the first time
That all throughout
My house
The same
Ugly brown carpet flows
Except in my room
My room is graced
With a blue hue
Throughout the
Ugly brown carpet
And is, in fact, almost pretty
I’ve stopped asking questions
That I know I’ll never get the answer to
Why should I build myself up only to be let down
It feels like dropping my self off a small cliff
Only the heights now are reaching towards death
The autopilot activates
As the stupid people come
My body goes on
As my mind is entranced
By the beautiful
Empty people
That have come
To surround me
Simplicity call to me
Tries to call me home
When I begin to miss home
I realized that it is time to get wasted
Home no longer holds for me
Home is where the heart is
My heart is lost
And there for so is my home
Don’t assume
That just because
I wear glasses
And had braces
That I am good in school
So what if I am
It has nothing to do with
The glasses and braces
Can I prove it
No but can you
Prove that I am wrong
Yeah didn’t think so
I’m alive and breathing
For the moment
That will have to be enough
Purpose should be loved
When it gives like this
Pieces of moments
Remember and thrown out in front of you
Once again
Things you remember
And they repeat
Déjà vu
They call it
I don’t like it you think to yourself
Boy shows up
Hasn’t been seen in years
Wants to know how she’s been doing.
A sad tired smile crosses her face
And eyes stay dead
But only he would notice
Such a horror
And a deliberate voice answers
“I’ve been breathing and stuff”
And memories overtake them both.
He moves to ask again
But she cuts him off
“I don’t cry anymore”
And walks away
You have stripped me of my humanity
Sure I don’t cry anymore
But I don’t smile either
Hope you’ll excuse me
But I feel
That I need
To walk away
Before you strip me
Of anything else
Should have made the bed earlier
Would have realized
That I needed blankets
In this freezing cold dorm
You’d think
With my roomie
Being the Hawaiian
I’d be the one
Opening the windows
To make it cooler
In the room
But no
I’m the one
Freezing my ass off
I miss loving you
Why did I cry
When he said that to me?
I know that neither one
Of us actually
Likes the other one anymore
But still
Hearing those words
Come from your mouth
Made tears fall faster
Than they ever did
When you were screaming
Hate hate hate
I miss loving you as well
But I don’t think we can anymore
Even though we both want to.
Time to move on
To cut our losses.
But first I need to remember
I remember throwing myself
Into your arms
With only
The quick shout
Of your name as warning
But one day you stopped knowing
Stopped knowing
To put your arms out
To catch me as I fell
I have decided
I just need to sleep
And forget
Because those
Are the best
Two things ever
Sleep and forgotten things
Remember
In space
No one
Can hear
You scream
It is scary
And honoring
And horrifying
All in a single moment
You want to affect people
And change them
And their world forever
But at the same time you don’t
You don’t want to touch their perfect world
The world as you know it is safe
A place you know that you can exist in
A place in which it is safe
For you to test boundaries
And at the same time you don’t want to
Or you only want to because you can
But if you can where is the challenge
I knew that I was going to have to be the strong one for once
But how could I?
I had trembling hands
And a short attention span
What if I couldn’t glue our relationship back together again
What if I mixed the pieces up?
What if? What if? What if?
I only had one chance
And I didn’t know if I even wanted to try
Part of me
Will always regret
Never taking the chance
I had with you
But at the same time
You can’t really miss
Something you never had
Toes tucked gently in
Shying away to protect our selves
Even if unconsciously
You wrote the story
Didn’t you?
You wrote it and passed it around
Of course I wrote the story
Who the hell
Else do you know
That is capable
Of writing
Such a thing
I want to miss them
But I don’t
Really if I never saw them again
I wouldn’t be sad
I’m okay with walking away
It doesn’t hurt me to walk
They wait on the sidelines
Watching for the first crack to show
They wait
For our elite
Selves to break
But we’ll show them
They were nothing
And will continue
To be nothing
I will die
Before I fail
In front of them
Never will I see
Satisfaction etched
Across their features
Because of me
Death shall take me first.
It is a sad world we live in
That we think first of animals
Before our own unborn
What right have we to protect
Others when we cannot protect our own
We need to go rll to get home
Yeah the good ol’ rll gets us where we need to be
I’ll follow rll until the day I’m gone
Even if that’s not where I want to be.
You asked me to draw you a picture of us
But you got kind of mad when I showed you
Yeah it was just a couple of stick figures
But at least I put names above them
So that you wouldn’t worry
About being the one with a little stick figure skirt
I love you but you should know I’m not an artist
Just like I know that you are no wordsmith
Tfl to you my love
But only
Just as long
As you understand it
I’m the master of all things silent
I’m the master of the silent laughter
I’m the master of silent happiness
But most of all
I’m the master of silent tears
And the master of silent heartbreak
But don’t worry even if you listen for me
You’ll never hear the emotions
I’d ask you not to do anything stupid
But we both know that that would be futile
And who wants to put the effort in to something futile?
Not I said the blind man?
And because you know that I wont ask the question
You go all out and I wish I had wasted my time on that futile question
If only to delude myself into pretending that I had tried
Somebody
Tell me
Lie to me
So long you tell me
That I did drugs
To get to this hellhole.
Tell me
That I did not
Manage
To fuck
My life up
All on my own
As we speak
Spam
Is being filtered
Into your mail box
And there is nothing
You can do about it
For just that one moment
Life was on mute
Voiceless people
Surrounded me
Screaming
In their silence
Sorry honey
But you’ve
Only a few
Hundred thousand
Seconds left
Before we both
Move on
Failure seemed to be a lifetime ago
And yet only hours had passed
I relive that horrible moment
Every day
And I hope
And pray
That someday
I might survive a day
Without that memory
And realize that
I don’t deserve
To forget
Your abandonment
Words are just words
Until you pull them
From the chaos
Of your mind
And turn them
Into something
Worth while.
Shining blood
Reflective on the screen
Dull pain
Proof of life
Always plan
For the worst
But never, ever
Forget to hope
For the best
Can’t you just poke
Me in the eye,
Prove to me
That all this pain
Isn’t just in my
Lonely hollow head
Do not fear tomorrow
At least until
Today is done with you.
I remember the first time I ever saw the black sparkle shirt.
I thought it was utterly ridiculous,
The sparkles obviously would attach themselves to anything unfortunate enough to even lightly graze up on the shirt
Not to mention the sparkles to be lost to washing.
I wore it anyway.
I miss those ridiculous sparkles now,
The plain black shirt seems almost sad now.
I wear it anyway
And remember the days of sparkles.
Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer
To prove that I am the best at hurting myself
Poison flows from her lips
The way the rays of sunlight
Fall upon us during the summer
No matter how much we wish
We could hide
Those rays find ways to reach us
Inevitably that poison flows over us
We are covered
Do not waste your time wiping it away
You soul has already been eaten away
You are no longer in danger
Trapped in a room with a broken record story
The story haunts the walls like old cigarettes stains
It doesn’t hurt any
That I’ve been drinking
Liquid courage
For the past several hours
(It helps
That I’ve been drinking
Liquid courage
For the past several hours)
I noticed
For the first time
That all throughout
My house
The same
Ugly brown carpet flows
Except in my room
My room is graced
With a blue hue
Throughout the
Ugly brown carpet
And is, in fact, almost pretty
I’ve stopped asking questions
That I know I’ll never get the answer to
Why should I build myself up only to be let down
It feels like dropping my self off a small cliff
Only the heights now are reaching towards death
The autopilot activates
As the stupid people come
My body goes on
As my mind is entranced
By the beautiful
Empty people
That have come
To surround me
Simplicity call to me
Tries to call me home
When I begin to miss home
I realized that it is time to get wasted
Home no longer holds for me
Home is where the heart is
My heart is lost
And there for so is my home
Don’t assume
That just because
I wear glasses
And had braces
That I am good in school
So what if I am
It has nothing to do with
The glasses and braces
Can I prove it
No but can you
Prove that I am wrong
Yeah didn’t think so
I’m alive and breathing
For the moment
That will have to be enough
Purpose should be loved
When it gives like this
Pieces of moments
Remember and thrown out in front of you
Once again
Things you remember
And they repeat
Déjà vu
They call it
I don’t like it you think to yourself
Boy shows up
Hasn’t been seen in years
Wants to know how she’s been doing.
A sad tired smile crosses her face
And eyes stay dead
But only he would notice
Such a horror
And a deliberate voice answers
“I’ve been breathing and stuff”
And memories overtake them both.
He moves to ask again
But she cuts him off
“I don’t cry anymore”
And walks away
You have stripped me of my humanity
Sure I don’t cry anymore
But I don’t smile either
Hope you’ll excuse me
But I feel
That I need
To walk away
Before you strip me
Of anything else
Should have made the bed earlier
Would have realized
That I needed blankets
In this freezing cold dorm
You’d think
With my roomie
Being the Hawaiian
I’d be the one
Opening the windows
To make it cooler
In the room
But no
I’m the one
Freezing my ass off
I miss loving you
Why did I cry
When he said that to me?
I know that neither one
Of us actually
Likes the other one anymore
But still
Hearing those words
Come from your mouth
Made tears fall faster
Than they ever did
When you were screaming
Hate hate hate
I miss loving you as well
But I don’t think we can anymore
Even though we both want to.
Time to move on
To cut our losses.
But first I need to remember
I remember throwing myself
Into your arms
With only
The quick shout
Of your name as warning
But one day you stopped knowing
Stopped knowing
To put your arms out
To catch me as I fell
I have decided
I just need to sleep
And forget
Because those
Are the best
Two things ever
Sleep and forgotten things
Remember
In space
No one
Can hear
You scream
It is scary
And honoring
And horrifying
All in a single moment
You want to affect people
And change them
And their world forever
But at the same time you don’t
You don’t want to touch their perfect world
The world as you know it is safe
A place you know that you can exist in
A place in which it is safe
For you to test boundaries
And at the same time you don’t want to
Or you only want to because you can
But if you can where is the challenge
I knew that I was going to have to be the strong one for once
But how could I?
I had trembling hands
And a short attention span
What if I couldn’t glue our relationship back together again
What if I mixed the pieces up?
What if? What if? What if?
I only had one chance
And I didn’t know if I even wanted to try
Part of me
Will always regret
Never taking the chance
I had with you
But at the same time
You can’t really miss
Something you never had
Toes tucked gently in
Shying away to protect our selves
Even if unconsciously
You wrote the story
Didn’t you?
You wrote it and passed it around
Of course I wrote the story
Who the hell
Else do you know
That is capable
Of writing
Such a thing
I want to miss them
But I don’t
Really if I never saw them again
I wouldn’t be sad
I’m okay with walking away
It doesn’t hurt me to walk
They wait on the sidelines
Watching for the first crack to show
They wait
For our elite
Selves to break
But we’ll show them
They were nothing
And will continue
To be nothing
I will die
Before I fail
In front of them
Never will I see
Satisfaction etched
Across their features
Because of me
Death shall take me first.
It is a sad world we live in
That we think first of animals
Before our own unborn
What right have we to protect
Others when we cannot protect our own
We need to go rll to get home
Yeah the good ol’ rll gets us where we need to be
I’ll follow rll until the day I’m gone
Even if that’s not where I want to be.
You asked me to draw you a picture of us
But you got kind of mad when I showed you
Yeah it was just a couple of stick figures
But at least I put names above them
So that you wouldn’t worry
About being the one with a little stick figure skirt
I love you but you should know I’m not an artist
Just like I know that you are no wordsmith
Tfl to you my love
But only
Just as long
As you understand it
I’m the master of all things silent
I’m the master of the silent laughter
I’m the master of silent happiness
But most of all
I’m the master of silent tears
And the master of silent heartbreak
But don’t worry even if you listen for me
You’ll never hear the emotions
I’d ask you not to do anything stupid
But we both know that that would be futile
And who wants to put the effort in to something futile?
Not I said the blind man?
And because you know that I wont ask the question
You go all out and I wish I had wasted my time on that futile question
If only to delude myself into pretending that I had tried