rant - just a warning
So let us begin with this: I am pissed off! I am angry! I really need to hurt something! Badly!
Let me explain: Today has been shitty. Hell, this past week or so has been shitty. I've just been down and out and I don't know what to do about it. I'm only happy around certain people but I don't see these people often. Lately I've just been need to rant and yell and no ones been there to hear me. (Okay, I'm being a bit dramatic. But its a rant and I'm allowed to be dramatic and over exaggerate! Shut the fuck up!)
So, I have a consperacy theory about Mr. Fizz and Mrs. Mustardo. And I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or attempting to blame someone else for my lack of skill or what have you. Its a long story and gets me annoyed any time I think about it. I just had a discusion about it with my mother that got me all the more pissed off. And there is nothing I can do about it! What the Fuck?
I was planning on going to Senior Pinning but couldn't. I know I complained about going but, deep down, I really wanted to go. I wanted to feel special and I just wanted to do something "senior-y". I don't know. At first it was 'cause Robert didn't want to go. Which got me aggravated! (It always does.) Due to my brother, I can't do a lot. And I get yelled at for things that are seen as normal brotherly-sisterly love/hate relationships but because he is handicap I am seen as being this horrible bitch! Why can't I just get mad at him? Why does everyone assume I'm pissed at him 'cause he's handicap and he "doesn't know better"? WHY? I know none of you understand and I really don't know why I'm ranting, but why am I such a bad person when I don't want to be with him or when I fight with him. To me he's my brother above all else, he's not handicap first. You know, I was raised with him since I was born? To me, I never noticed anything wrong 'til people started making fun of us. Mother always say "But when you were younger, you were never apart. Now you fight with him constantly." Hello? Excuse me, but it's normal. I love him but it doesn't mean I have to be nice to him all the time! Don't even get me started on when I want alone time with my boyfriend and he comes and wants to watch a movie with us and I tell him no and get yelled at for it later!
But what I was trying to get at is Robert, at first, didn't want to go to the Senior Pinning. Its not like I have a father to take me places when my mom can't. And that's another sore topic! I don't have two parents! I never really had that "male role model" and it doesn't help that I hate him with a passions. I don't have another person to rely on. Don't get me started on what it was like in girl scouts with the Father-Daughter dance. I HAD TO BORROW A FRIEND'S DAD!!! Do you know how embarrassing that is? I do believe I went home and cried about it that night. But I know a lot of people don't have a mother or a father so why do I have room to complain? But Robert ended up wanting to go but my mother got a migraine. Then she says, "Now I know what you go through." (I have cronic migraines. There really bad. It hurts.) I'm like thanks. Before you would get pissy with me for how I acted when I get one, now your sympathetic? Now I can't go to Pinning and I'm not going to make you take me 'cause I know how much those bitches hurt.
I've decided that life has given me the most difficult hand possible and every once in a while has to point it out. And that's why I believe that every couple months I get this week or two where I'm just really down. That is my conclusion.
So. That's my story. I still have an english essay due Thursday that I'm on my third revision. And I have to read twenty-one pages by Friday and write an essay (but that's really not that bad). And I want to be with my boyfriend this weekend but I don't know if I can (I doubt it highly).
And as the emo-froshies say:
LIFE SUCK & GOD HATES ME!!!
Oh, and one of the really bad parts of my day were the poetry and essays I had to edit for out LitMag's Circle of Death. I WAS HORRID!!! Not only were the ideas squewed but the writing was horrible. The entire thing is preachy and it drives me nuts!!!
I HATE JESUS FREAKS! (Hell, I hate the words "Jesus Freak"!) God help me when I sit down with this girl, give me the strength to finish editing, hell, protect her during the meeting!!! I couldn't handle it, my chest litterally started to hurt while thinking about how horrid it was! People, please listen, POETRY IS NOT AN ESSAY, LEAVE SOME THOUGHT PROCESS TO THE READER!!!!
That's it. I'm out.
porcelain_lover
Let me explain: Today has been shitty. Hell, this past week or so has been shitty. I've just been down and out and I don't know what to do about it. I'm only happy around certain people but I don't see these people often. Lately I've just been need to rant and yell and no ones been there to hear me. (Okay, I'm being a bit dramatic. But its a rant and I'm allowed to be dramatic and over exaggerate! Shut the fuck up!)
So, I have a consperacy theory about Mr. Fizz and Mrs. Mustardo. And I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or attempting to blame someone else for my lack of skill or what have you. Its a long story and gets me annoyed any time I think about it. I just had a discusion about it with my mother that got me all the more pissed off. And there is nothing I can do about it! What the Fuck?
I was planning on going to Senior Pinning but couldn't. I know I complained about going but, deep down, I really wanted to go. I wanted to feel special and I just wanted to do something "senior-y". I don't know. At first it was 'cause Robert didn't want to go. Which got me aggravated! (It always does.) Due to my brother, I can't do a lot. And I get yelled at for things that are seen as normal brotherly-sisterly love/hate relationships but because he is handicap I am seen as being this horrible bitch! Why can't I just get mad at him? Why does everyone assume I'm pissed at him 'cause he's handicap and he "doesn't know better"? WHY? I know none of you understand and I really don't know why I'm ranting, but why am I such a bad person when I don't want to be with him or when I fight with him. To me he's my brother above all else, he's not handicap first. You know, I was raised with him since I was born? To me, I never noticed anything wrong 'til people started making fun of us. Mother always say "But when you were younger, you were never apart. Now you fight with him constantly." Hello? Excuse me, but it's normal. I love him but it doesn't mean I have to be nice to him all the time! Don't even get me started on when I want alone time with my boyfriend and he comes and wants to watch a movie with us and I tell him no and get yelled at for it later!
But what I was trying to get at is Robert, at first, didn't want to go to the Senior Pinning. Its not like I have a father to take me places when my mom can't. And that's another sore topic! I don't have two parents! I never really had that "male role model" and it doesn't help that I hate him with a passions. I don't have another person to rely on. Don't get me started on what it was like in girl scouts with the Father-Daughter dance. I HAD TO BORROW A FRIEND'S DAD!!! Do you know how embarrassing that is? I do believe I went home and cried about it that night. But I know a lot of people don't have a mother or a father so why do I have room to complain? But Robert ended up wanting to go but my mother got a migraine. Then she says, "Now I know what you go through." (I have cronic migraines. There really bad. It hurts.) I'm like thanks. Before you would get pissy with me for how I acted when I get one, now your sympathetic? Now I can't go to Pinning and I'm not going to make you take me 'cause I know how much those bitches hurt.
I've decided that life has given me the most difficult hand possible and every once in a while has to point it out. And that's why I believe that every couple months I get this week or two where I'm just really down. That is my conclusion.
So. That's my story. I still have an english essay due Thursday that I'm on my third revision. And I have to read twenty-one pages by Friday and write an essay (but that's really not that bad). And I want to be with my boyfriend this weekend but I don't know if I can (I doubt it highly).
And as the emo-froshies say:
LIFE SUCK & GOD HATES ME!!!
Oh, and one of the really bad parts of my day were the poetry and essays I had to edit for out LitMag's Circle of Death. I WAS HORRID!!! Not only were the ideas squewed but the writing was horrible. The entire thing is preachy and it drives me nuts!!!
I HATE JESUS FREAKS! (Hell, I hate the words "Jesus Freak"!) God help me when I sit down with this girl, give me the strength to finish editing, hell, protect her during the meeting!!! I couldn't handle it, my chest litterally started to hurt while thinking about how horrid it was! People, please listen, POETRY IS NOT AN ESSAY, LEAVE SOME THOUGHT PROCESS TO THE READER!!!!
That's it. I'm out.
porcelain_lover