(no subject)
I woke up discombobulated from my nap. I heard my parents' voices and my father talking about a walnuts receipt. I looked at the clock: 4:45. Outside it was daylight. I thought: It's awfully bright for 4:45 in the morning. As my brain woke up more, I realized it was 4:45 in the afternoon and my parents had just gotten home from work.
I e-mailed Mike last week. He answered with a disjointed "I'm not taking care of myself, life sucks and then you die, best wishes Mike" type of e-mail. I wasn't sure how to take it, but I dealt with it and life continued. Then yesterday I received another e-mail from him, not as short but not very long either. He apologized for his previous e-mail and said he's been going through a rough spot. He signed it "Your trainwreck, Mike."
Of course, I'm not getting my hopes up. But it is nice to hear from him and know that he's not dead. And it's a little bit of closure, though not nearly as much as I need. I'm wrestling with the idea of e-mailing him back, and when I should do it, and what exactly I should say. I'm also wrestling with whether or not I should let him back into my life. He basically abandoned without any notice and it hurt. I've been abandoned by many loves in my life, and I really don't want to go through that again.
There's also the fact that I'm a very sensitive woman. I feed off of other people, so when one of my friends is upset, I, too, become upset. And if Mike's going to be this sad all the time, being his friend is only going to make me sad as well. I don't know if I want to put myself through that.
But then again I'm a glutton for punishment and I'm probably going to be his friend again given the chance. I like pain, emotions are what drive me, and when I'm feeling apathetic, that's when I'm the most depressed. But we'll see.
If you want to know more, head over to my Writer's Notebook. I've posted twice today, one is a poem and one is a revision and an addition to what I wrote a few days ago. Have fun!
The Countdown Of Posts Left To... Post:
Poramentatoes - 1
Writer's Notebook - 9
I e-mailed Mike last week. He answered with a disjointed "I'm not taking care of myself, life sucks and then you die, best wishes Mike" type of e-mail. I wasn't sure how to take it, but I dealt with it and life continued. Then yesterday I received another e-mail from him, not as short but not very long either. He apologized for his previous e-mail and said he's been going through a rough spot. He signed it "Your trainwreck, Mike."
Of course, I'm not getting my hopes up. But it is nice to hear from him and know that he's not dead. And it's a little bit of closure, though not nearly as much as I need. I'm wrestling with the idea of e-mailing him back, and when I should do it, and what exactly I should say. I'm also wrestling with whether or not I should let him back into my life. He basically abandoned without any notice and it hurt. I've been abandoned by many loves in my life, and I really don't want to go through that again.
There's also the fact that I'm a very sensitive woman. I feed off of other people, so when one of my friends is upset, I, too, become upset. And if Mike's going to be this sad all the time, being his friend is only going to make me sad as well. I don't know if I want to put myself through that.
But then again I'm a glutton for punishment and I'm probably going to be his friend again given the chance. I like pain, emotions are what drive me, and when I'm feeling apathetic, that's when I'm the most depressed. But we'll see.
If you want to know more, head over to my Writer's Notebook. I've posted twice today, one is a poem and one is a revision and an addition to what I wrote a few days ago. Have fun!
The Countdown Of Posts Left To... Post:
Poramentatoes - 1
Writer's Notebook - 9