Meat & Potatoes
I've been more busy with my friends this week than I have in that past 3 semesters combined. Sunday night I didn't do anything but sleep and cry a little bit. (Had a small panic attack, but called my mom and she calmed me down a lot.) Yesterday I tried to go in to develop my film but I couldn't find anyone to open the door. So I went and worked on an essay about fundamentalism (yikes) then had some meetings.
Afterwards, I went to the barns and hung out for a little bit. When Kate saw me, she said, "Holy shit, you cut your hair!" I always thought that having long hair was the best for me. But everyone keeps telling me it looks great and I think it fits my personality better. I also watched Kate and Danielle ride a bit yesterday. It was pretty awesome, watching people who have ridden a lot longer than me do their thing. I also got to see Kate jump Annabelle, who was a bit skiddish at first but they eventually got her to jump.
I came back and then went to dinner at 6:30 with Patti and Mike. I actually ate something! Which was amazing, all things considered. The whole not eating thing is really sending my body into shock. First of all, I haven't had hard shit in a long time, every time I go to the bathroom it's explosive poop. Then, I'm spotting really bad, and I NEVER spot. I basically need to eat so I don't kill myself, even if it makes me sick.
The rest of the night was spent watching TV and working on the essay. I ended up reading for a few hours because it takes my mind off the troublesome things. I fell asleep later than I should have and getting out of bed today as really rough. I've been having issues getting out of bed. Not having someone there to say "good morning" and kiss me is hard. But it will get easier.
So I got up for class, which lasted only 30 minutes. Then I stood in line for an hour to get my cap and gown. (If I had waited until the afternoon, the line would have been shorter, it seems.) I read while I stood in line, everything was really crazy, so disorganized. Then I went and developed my film and had a little break down. I couldn't get a hold of my mom so I went and got something to eat and pulled myself together.
I went to class, mom eventually called, and I was better. Then I went to my lesson, which was AWESOME. I showed up a bit early and learned we were doing bareback, which was also cool. Shannon rode Max and I rode AJ (my girlfriend, my favorite pony EVER). Tacking up was easy, then we learned how to get on bareback and we rode around. AJ was so happy not to deal with a girth or saddle or anything, she had so much energy and she did such a good job.
Trotting was crazy, since there wasn't any posting due to not having a saddle. But we both did it and it was awesome. I guess Shannon and I are going to be riding Tess and Max next time and then switching off for our final lesson. That will be weird.
After the lesson I came back and hung out, then took a nap. Morgan called and wanted to hang out, but I was tired and told him I would call him later. I finally forced myself to wake up and gave him a call. He came over and we watched "The Fifth Element" while I cleaned. For most if it we just talked about our lives, and then he left.
I have a ton of plans for the rest of the week, and a ton of work to do. I'm actually very glad to be out of the relationship. I just didn't have the energy to make the relationship work, or to get through the arguments any more. I've had more time for my friends and more time to be myself. Instead of waiting around to hang out with someone who doesn't even want to be with me, I'm going out and having a good time.
There are the bad times. Sometimes I get upset. But I'm so much better than I was over the weekend. I'm in the middle point where I'm having the mixed feelings. I'm glad to be out but my heart is broken and I'm trying to get through it. I cry, then smile, then cry, then smile, all within a few minutes. But I'm staying busy and that's all that matters right now.
Afterwards, I went to the barns and hung out for a little bit. When Kate saw me, she said, "Holy shit, you cut your hair!" I always thought that having long hair was the best for me. But everyone keeps telling me it looks great and I think it fits my personality better. I also watched Kate and Danielle ride a bit yesterday. It was pretty awesome, watching people who have ridden a lot longer than me do their thing. I also got to see Kate jump Annabelle, who was a bit skiddish at first but they eventually got her to jump.
I came back and then went to dinner at 6:30 with Patti and Mike. I actually ate something! Which was amazing, all things considered. The whole not eating thing is really sending my body into shock. First of all, I haven't had hard shit in a long time, every time I go to the bathroom it's explosive poop. Then, I'm spotting really bad, and I NEVER spot. I basically need to eat so I don't kill myself, even if it makes me sick.
The rest of the night was spent watching TV and working on the essay. I ended up reading for a few hours because it takes my mind off the troublesome things. I fell asleep later than I should have and getting out of bed today as really rough. I've been having issues getting out of bed. Not having someone there to say "good morning" and kiss me is hard. But it will get easier.
So I got up for class, which lasted only 30 minutes. Then I stood in line for an hour to get my cap and gown. (If I had waited until the afternoon, the line would have been shorter, it seems.) I read while I stood in line, everything was really crazy, so disorganized. Then I went and developed my film and had a little break down. I couldn't get a hold of my mom so I went and got something to eat and pulled myself together.
I went to class, mom eventually called, and I was better. Then I went to my lesson, which was AWESOME. I showed up a bit early and learned we were doing bareback, which was also cool. Shannon rode Max and I rode AJ (my girlfriend, my favorite pony EVER). Tacking up was easy, then we learned how to get on bareback and we rode around. AJ was so happy not to deal with a girth or saddle or anything, she had so much energy and she did such a good job.
Trotting was crazy, since there wasn't any posting due to not having a saddle. But we both did it and it was awesome. I guess Shannon and I are going to be riding Tess and Max next time and then switching off for our final lesson. That will be weird.
After the lesson I came back and hung out, then took a nap. Morgan called and wanted to hang out, but I was tired and told him I would call him later. I finally forced myself to wake up and gave him a call. He came over and we watched "The Fifth Element" while I cleaned. For most if it we just talked about our lives, and then he left.
I have a ton of plans for the rest of the week, and a ton of work to do. I'm actually very glad to be out of the relationship. I just didn't have the energy to make the relationship work, or to get through the arguments any more. I've had more time for my friends and more time to be myself. Instead of waiting around to hang out with someone who doesn't even want to be with me, I'm going out and having a good time.
There are the bad times. Sometimes I get upset. But I'm so much better than I was over the weekend. I'm in the middle point where I'm having the mixed feelings. I'm glad to be out but my heart is broken and I'm trying to get through it. I cry, then smile, then cry, then smile, all within a few minutes. But I'm staying busy and that's all that matters right now.