FIC: White Flag (23/35)
Title: White Flag
Rating: NC-17
Couple: Sam/Brooke...Sam/F..
Summary: This is an Futurefic in which Brooke and Sam have already been
together.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I certainly wish I did. Damn Ryan
Murphy and his unrivaled genius.
A/N: I'm feeling pretty generous and decided to post two parts today. Anyway, a quick thanks to my beta, Karen, who gets these chapters back to me sometimes within hours...lol. Also thank you for you continued feedback. It means so much to me.
Part Twenty-three
Sam looked around Kat’s eclectically decorated apartment trying to focus on anything but what she had to do tonight. There were masks from Kenya the year the older blonde had gone with her brother to help orphans and authentic geisha miniatures from when she studied in Japan. Native paintings and other artwork cluttered the walls and bookshelves, each with an exciting tale to be told and in the past two years, Sam had enjoyed hearing them over and over again. She sighed, wondering how exactly she’d gotten to this point. One day her life had been wonderful. She’d been dating an amazing woman and her daughter was healthy and happy, but all of that was gone now. Now, she had to hurt someone that she loved and she had no one to blame but herself. And she really did love Kat. She loved Kat more than she’d shown the taller blonde in the past two months and Kat didn’t deserve that.
A memory of one of the last times she was with her father before he’d gotten really sick came to mind.
She was twelve and they’d gone fishing. She didn’t really like to fish. She thought it was boring, but she loved spending time with her father and he seemed to really enjoy it so she went. They always had such a good time spending the day together talking and laughing, but this particular time Sam had grown impatient with not catching anything. She knew her father was aware of this, but he didn’t say anything. When she finally got a nibble she yanked at her rod, pulling back on it hard and struggling to reel it in. Her father told her to be patient, to slow down and not pull so hard, but she didn’t listen. The line snapped, letting the fish get away and causing her to stumble backwards. She fell hard onto the pier, getting a splinter in her hand. The line left on her rod was all tangled and she spent the next twenty minutes trying to fix it. When she saw it was fruitless, she threw the rod down with a frustrated growl. Her hand was throbbing by that point.
Her father sat his fishing rod down and walked over to her. He crouched in front of her and held out his hand. “Let me see your hand.”
Sam shook her head. She didn’t want him to know she’d hurt herself because she hadn’t listened to what he’d said.
“Come on, Sammy. Don’t be stubborn. I know you hurt your hand when you fell.”
Sam held her hand out. There was no use in lying. He already knew and it really hurt. She held out her hand for his inspection. He whistled before rooting around in the tackle box. “That’s quite a splinter you got there, kid.” He pulled out his tweezers and began to work. “You know, Sammy, you’re beginning to look so much like your mother that I sometimes forget just how much you’re like me. Do you know why I bring you fishing every summer, even though I know you secretly hate it?” He paused what he was doing to look up at her, his brown eyes, so much like her own, seemed to be looking right into her very soul. She nodded wordlessly, wanting to know where he was going with this. “Fishing is a lot like life, Sammy. You spend the whole time waiting for something that might never come. Sometimes you’re lucky and the fish practically jump into your cooler. Some days you go home empty handed. But when we let our impatience get the best of us and we act impulsively without thinking things through, we not only lose what we wanted originally, but we get hurt and have a mess to untangle afterwards…”
Sam sighed. Her father would not be proud of her actions recently. She had acted impulsively and now she was going to not only hurt Kat but lose her as well. Sam wasn’t this person. She didn’t cheat. She thought her days of making rash and hasty decisions had been over the day she had finally had the courage to say goodbye to Brooke and their life together.
“Here you go.” Kat’s voice broke through her thoughts and she looked up at the blonde in surprise. Kat smiled at her sweetly as she sat a bowl of salad and a basket full of bread on the table. “Try the dressing, my sister sent me the recipe and she said it was really good.”
Sam nodded mutely, then dished out some salad onto her plate. She poured a generous amount of dressing on the green mix and took a bite. It was delicious, or at least it would have been if it weren’t for the acidic, bitter taste that was in her mouth. She was beginning to wonder if she was developing an ulcer from all the recent stress.
“That is really good,” she said quietly, doing her best to smile.
Kat took a bite of her own salad, briefly closing her eyes as the flavors exploded in her mouth. “That is good. I’ll have to let Katie know.”
Sam nodded slightly. Katie was Kat’s twin sister; though to look at them, you’d never know they were twins. Kat was tall and muscular, while Katie was about Lily’s height and waiflike. The only thing they had in common was their blond hair and gray eyes. They were the only girls in a family of seven children and they were also the youngest. Sometimes Sam was envious of how close they all were. She’d been an only child for most of her life and she and Brooke had never been anything close to what someone could consider sisterly. And yes she was close to Mac, but they hadn’t really grown up together.
“Maybe we can have it at the wedding.”
Kat’s words caused Sam’s head to snap up and she nearly choked on the lettuce in her mouth. “What?”
“Unless you want to have a the whole thing catered. Which would be fine, but I figured since you had such a big wedding last time you probably would want something smaller. I know we haven’t really discussed it, what with things being so crazy and all, but I thought once Cara was back home and a little healthier we could start planning.”
And here was her chance to come clean. She couldn’t let Kat start talking about wedding plans. It wasn’t right and Kat looked so excited. “Kat…”
“Look, I’m not trying to rush you. I’m sorry if it felt like I was ambushing you there. It’s just…it’s been so long since I’ve had you all to myself. I’ve been going a little crazy over here, but I know things will get back to normal soon.” There was so much love and hope in the older woman’s eyes Sam had to look away.
The brunette looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. She’d known that she’d have to do this at some point tonight, but now that the time was upon her, she wasn’t so sure she could handle it or the fall out. She feared she might actually get sick. Her stomach burned and she could feel it in the back of her throat. “Kat, we need to talk.”
“Okay,” Sam didn’t look at her, but she could hear the apprehension in Kat’s voice.
“I’ve spent the last few days trying to figure out how to say this to you. It’s not something I thought I’d ever have to say. I’m not usually like this. Anyone will tell you that. Things have just been crazy lately and I’ve been so crazy lately. Not myself, not myself at all,” Sam knew she was rambling, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. She hazarded a glance at the other woman and saw a drawn expression and Sam looked away. She needed to say it. Kat deserved honesty. She’s always been honest with Sam. “I slept with Brooke.”
Not a sound followed that statement and for a moment Sam wondered if she’d actually said it out loud or if her mind had just screamed it. She glanced at the older woman and knew that she had in fact spoken aloud. Kat looked at her, unseeingly.
“I’m so sorry, Kat. I don’t know how it even happened. Cara had been having nightmares and I went to ask Brooke about her and I was really upset and it just…happened.” Tears began to spill from Sam’s gorgeous brown eyes and she physically hurt from the hurt she knew she was causing Kat. “I’m just…so sorry. It was all a mistake and I-”
“Was it?” Kat interrupted her. Her voice was calm, but there was a hint of anger. “Was it a mistake?”
Sam looked at her. “Yes, of course it was a mistake. How could you even ask me that?”
Kat let out a mirthless chuckle. “Sam, for the past two months I’ve stood aside silently while the two of you have used Cara’s sickness as an excuse to play house. I knew that there would be trouble when she insisted on moving back into your house.”
The brunette looked over at her in shock. Kat had never spoken to her like this. Sure they’d had little petty arguments and she’d seen the blonde lose her cool, but not like this. The anger she had expected, but now the blonde was bringing her daughter into it? “We have not been using Cara’s sickness as some excuse to play house. It had nothing to do with my daughter. Don’t bring her into this.” Her tone was low but held a warning.
“Then tell me, Sam, what does it have to do with? I thought we were happy. But then you started shutting me out and running to Brooke with all your problems. Dammit Sam, I am your fiancée not her! I love Cara too. I wanted to go through this with you, but she was always there like some goddamn knight in shining armor. And I bet she loved it too!” Kat spat out and Sam looked at her in shock. Where was all of this coming from?
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh come off it, Sam. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. The way she’s always looked at you. I bet she jumped at the chance to take advantage of the situation. What did she do huh Sammy? She put on a little mood music? Make a romantic dinner? Did you sit around reminiscing about the good old times of sneaking around behind your parents’ backs?” Kat said that last part with such hatred that Sam felt it like a physical blow.
“How dare you?! You want to know something, Kat? I was the one that initiated it. That’s right. It was me! I went into her room and I seduced her!”
“But I bet she didn’t protest! God, you two are really sick. You can’t seem to be happy unless you’re both making each other miserable. You made this big show of practically despising her very existence for the past two years, but at the first opportunity you fall into bed with her. No wonder Cara’s so screwed up.”
“Yeah well if I hadn’t been so busy trying to convince myself that I was actually happy with you, maybe I would have noticed her getting sick. I’m actually glad this happened. The very fact that I could even conceive of sleeping someone else lets me know I don’t love you the way I should.” Sam was beyond upset. This was not how she’d wanted this to go. She took off her engagement ring and sat it on the table. “I think it would be best if I leave before either one of us can get hurt anymore than we already are.” She walked over to the coat rack and grabbed her jacket. She shrugged it on without another word and walked out of the door. She didn’t look back and Kat didn’t follow.
Later as she pulled over on the side of the road because she couldn’t stop the tears, she told herself it was for the best.
Rating: NC-17
Couple: Sam/Brooke...Sam/F..
Summary: This is an Futurefic in which Brooke and Sam have already been
together.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I certainly wish I did. Damn Ryan
Murphy and his unrivaled genius.
A/N: I'm feeling pretty generous and decided to post two parts today. Anyway, a quick thanks to my beta, Karen, who gets these chapters back to me sometimes within hours...lol. Also thank you for you continued feedback. It means so much to me.
Part Twenty-three
Sam looked around Kat’s eclectically decorated apartment trying to focus on anything but what she had to do tonight. There were masks from Kenya the year the older blonde had gone with her brother to help orphans and authentic geisha miniatures from when she studied in Japan. Native paintings and other artwork cluttered the walls and bookshelves, each with an exciting tale to be told and in the past two years, Sam had enjoyed hearing them over and over again. She sighed, wondering how exactly she’d gotten to this point. One day her life had been wonderful. She’d been dating an amazing woman and her daughter was healthy and happy, but all of that was gone now. Now, she had to hurt someone that she loved and she had no one to blame but herself. And she really did love Kat. She loved Kat more than she’d shown the taller blonde in the past two months and Kat didn’t deserve that.
A memory of one of the last times she was with her father before he’d gotten really sick came to mind.
She was twelve and they’d gone fishing. She didn’t really like to fish. She thought it was boring, but she loved spending time with her father and he seemed to really enjoy it so she went. They always had such a good time spending the day together talking and laughing, but this particular time Sam had grown impatient with not catching anything. She knew her father was aware of this, but he didn’t say anything. When she finally got a nibble she yanked at her rod, pulling back on it hard and struggling to reel it in. Her father told her to be patient, to slow down and not pull so hard, but she didn’t listen. The line snapped, letting the fish get away and causing her to stumble backwards. She fell hard onto the pier, getting a splinter in her hand. The line left on her rod was all tangled and she spent the next twenty minutes trying to fix it. When she saw it was fruitless, she threw the rod down with a frustrated growl. Her hand was throbbing by that point.
Her father sat his fishing rod down and walked over to her. He crouched in front of her and held out his hand. “Let me see your hand.”
Sam shook her head. She didn’t want him to know she’d hurt herself because she hadn’t listened to what he’d said.
“Come on, Sammy. Don’t be stubborn. I know you hurt your hand when you fell.”
Sam held her hand out. There was no use in lying. He already knew and it really hurt. She held out her hand for his inspection. He whistled before rooting around in the tackle box. “That’s quite a splinter you got there, kid.” He pulled out his tweezers and began to work. “You know, Sammy, you’re beginning to look so much like your mother that I sometimes forget just how much you’re like me. Do you know why I bring you fishing every summer, even though I know you secretly hate it?” He paused what he was doing to look up at her, his brown eyes, so much like her own, seemed to be looking right into her very soul. She nodded wordlessly, wanting to know where he was going with this. “Fishing is a lot like life, Sammy. You spend the whole time waiting for something that might never come. Sometimes you’re lucky and the fish practically jump into your cooler. Some days you go home empty handed. But when we let our impatience get the best of us and we act impulsively without thinking things through, we not only lose what we wanted originally, but we get hurt and have a mess to untangle afterwards…”
Sam sighed. Her father would not be proud of her actions recently. She had acted impulsively and now she was going to not only hurt Kat but lose her as well. Sam wasn’t this person. She didn’t cheat. She thought her days of making rash and hasty decisions had been over the day she had finally had the courage to say goodbye to Brooke and their life together.
“Here you go.” Kat’s voice broke through her thoughts and she looked up at the blonde in surprise. Kat smiled at her sweetly as she sat a bowl of salad and a basket full of bread on the table. “Try the dressing, my sister sent me the recipe and she said it was really good.”
Sam nodded mutely, then dished out some salad onto her plate. She poured a generous amount of dressing on the green mix and took a bite. It was delicious, or at least it would have been if it weren’t for the acidic, bitter taste that was in her mouth. She was beginning to wonder if she was developing an ulcer from all the recent stress.
“That is really good,” she said quietly, doing her best to smile.
Kat took a bite of her own salad, briefly closing her eyes as the flavors exploded in her mouth. “That is good. I’ll have to let Katie know.”
Sam nodded slightly. Katie was Kat’s twin sister; though to look at them, you’d never know they were twins. Kat was tall and muscular, while Katie was about Lily’s height and waiflike. The only thing they had in common was their blond hair and gray eyes. They were the only girls in a family of seven children and they were also the youngest. Sometimes Sam was envious of how close they all were. She’d been an only child for most of her life and she and Brooke had never been anything close to what someone could consider sisterly. And yes she was close to Mac, but they hadn’t really grown up together.
“Maybe we can have it at the wedding.”
Kat’s words caused Sam’s head to snap up and she nearly choked on the lettuce in her mouth. “What?”
“Unless you want to have a the whole thing catered. Which would be fine, but I figured since you had such a big wedding last time you probably would want something smaller. I know we haven’t really discussed it, what with things being so crazy and all, but I thought once Cara was back home and a little healthier we could start planning.”
And here was her chance to come clean. She couldn’t let Kat start talking about wedding plans. It wasn’t right and Kat looked so excited. “Kat…”
“Look, I’m not trying to rush you. I’m sorry if it felt like I was ambushing you there. It’s just…it’s been so long since I’ve had you all to myself. I’ve been going a little crazy over here, but I know things will get back to normal soon.” There was so much love and hope in the older woman’s eyes Sam had to look away.
The brunette looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. She’d known that she’d have to do this at some point tonight, but now that the time was upon her, she wasn’t so sure she could handle it or the fall out. She feared she might actually get sick. Her stomach burned and she could feel it in the back of her throat. “Kat, we need to talk.”
“Okay,” Sam didn’t look at her, but she could hear the apprehension in Kat’s voice.
“I’ve spent the last few days trying to figure out how to say this to you. It’s not something I thought I’d ever have to say. I’m not usually like this. Anyone will tell you that. Things have just been crazy lately and I’ve been so crazy lately. Not myself, not myself at all,” Sam knew she was rambling, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. She hazarded a glance at the other woman and saw a drawn expression and Sam looked away. She needed to say it. Kat deserved honesty. She’s always been honest with Sam. “I slept with Brooke.”
Not a sound followed that statement and for a moment Sam wondered if she’d actually said it out loud or if her mind had just screamed it. She glanced at the older woman and knew that she had in fact spoken aloud. Kat looked at her, unseeingly.
“I’m so sorry, Kat. I don’t know how it even happened. Cara had been having nightmares and I went to ask Brooke about her and I was really upset and it just…happened.” Tears began to spill from Sam’s gorgeous brown eyes and she physically hurt from the hurt she knew she was causing Kat. “I’m just…so sorry. It was all a mistake and I-”
“Was it?” Kat interrupted her. Her voice was calm, but there was a hint of anger. “Was it a mistake?”
Sam looked at her. “Yes, of course it was a mistake. How could you even ask me that?”
Kat let out a mirthless chuckle. “Sam, for the past two months I’ve stood aside silently while the two of you have used Cara’s sickness as an excuse to play house. I knew that there would be trouble when she insisted on moving back into your house.”
The brunette looked over at her in shock. Kat had never spoken to her like this. Sure they’d had little petty arguments and she’d seen the blonde lose her cool, but not like this. The anger she had expected, but now the blonde was bringing her daughter into it? “We have not been using Cara’s sickness as some excuse to play house. It had nothing to do with my daughter. Don’t bring her into this.” Her tone was low but held a warning.
“Then tell me, Sam, what does it have to do with? I thought we were happy. But then you started shutting me out and running to Brooke with all your problems. Dammit Sam, I am your fiancée not her! I love Cara too. I wanted to go through this with you, but she was always there like some goddamn knight in shining armor. And I bet she loved it too!” Kat spat out and Sam looked at her in shock. Where was all of this coming from?
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Oh come off it, Sam. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. The way she’s always looked at you. I bet she jumped at the chance to take advantage of the situation. What did she do huh Sammy? She put on a little mood music? Make a romantic dinner? Did you sit around reminiscing about the good old times of sneaking around behind your parents’ backs?” Kat said that last part with such hatred that Sam felt it like a physical blow.
“How dare you?! You want to know something, Kat? I was the one that initiated it. That’s right. It was me! I went into her room and I seduced her!”
“But I bet she didn’t protest! God, you two are really sick. You can’t seem to be happy unless you’re both making each other miserable. You made this big show of practically despising her very existence for the past two years, but at the first opportunity you fall into bed with her. No wonder Cara’s so screwed up.”
“Yeah well if I hadn’t been so busy trying to convince myself that I was actually happy with you, maybe I would have noticed her getting sick. I’m actually glad this happened. The very fact that I could even conceive of sleeping someone else lets me know I don’t love you the way I should.” Sam was beyond upset. This was not how she’d wanted this to go. She took off her engagement ring and sat it on the table. “I think it would be best if I leave before either one of us can get hurt anymore than we already are.” She walked over to the coat rack and grabbed her jacket. She shrugged it on without another word and walked out of the door. She didn’t look back and Kat didn’t follow.
Later as she pulled over on the side of the road because she couldn’t stop the tears, she told herself it was for the best.