good bye and goodnight
there are times when im just a shell, bruised and misused with nothing inside to heart. when i am alone, except for my rage. MY RAGE. my one reliable emotion. it can never be taken from me and it will flap in the wind on my standard into battle. i will tear throats and eviscerate people in its name. i will devour the heart of the unworthy in its honor. Just as it will break me down and destroy me as i elevate it. man, im getting kinda drunk here. i guess thats why im really writing this. on monday im leaving, goning to a half way house, rehab, whatever u want to call it. the more i think i dont need it the brighter the signs of it show. i cut myself last night. i havent done that in months if not a year. they were good ones, deep and saw like. not single incisions but with a serated blade back and forth and back and forth. they didnt blead nearly as much as i thought they did but il be damned if they dont look wild. i am wild, its true, ive lost my way among the forest of life, ive wandered into the heart of darkness. i thought i had it licked, i thought i was better i thought, and that was my mistake. i didnt know anything, i just thought i did.
-d
-d