i wish everything could just go back to normal...
Well it hasn’t been that good days lately. Sunday wasn’t too bad though. We had a tourney at Mt. Morris and it was fun. Something was wrong with Gina most of the day but towards the end she seemed to be okay. And I got a shirt that says “I hope ur game is as tight as ur spandex!” yeah I thought it was cool. But anyways lately a bunch of stuff has been going on with me and Steve and it is just not making me happy. I know that I’m never going to be good enough for him anymore. This really bitchy girl Nicole likes him A LOT and him her Kyle and Nicole’s best friend Chrissy are more than likely going to be hanging out on Friday---which makes me super jealous. And because Nicole likes him so much I’m almost positive that she will make a move on him. And even if she isn’t planning on it she’s going to be hanging out with Kyle too and all he wants is to do stuff with Chrissy he doesn’t even care that he doesn’t know her so then it’ll be even more like “oh why not they are doing it” so then I’m going to be really sad (cuz its not like im sad enough already…) So me and Steve have been trying to talk about things but we don’t really get TOO far at one time because he has to get off or I have to..just gay crap like that. And he says how him and Nicole are just friends and that nothing will happen cuz girls don’t make the first move but I am really doubting that. Also Steve really doesn’t need to not do anything with her because he has no attachments to anybody. All I know is that if they do do stuff im going to be really upset even though I know I don’t have a right to be because he is a “free” guy and doesn’t need to do what I want anymore. He can do anything with anybody and TECHNICALLY it shouldn’t matter… The past two nights I have had dreams with him in them. Last night it was at a football game or something and he was going out with Nicole and he was like cuddling with her and kissing and I woke up basically in tears. It was reallllyyyyyy upsetting. And then the night before it was with him and Courtney Ross and Courtney Hillis (yeah idk where they came from cuz I don’t talk to them and steve doesn’t know them really) but it was on a beach somewhere and he was with them and I walked up and was like “what is going on” and then the Courtneys were like what is she doing here then there was an argument and they walked off but then I woke up. Yeah the first dream I thought was just a fluke but then the one with Nicole, it really opened my eyes. I am so jealous of her and I don’t even know her. I don’t know what I can do to not feel this way. And its not like I go to Lakeland so I cant really do anything about it. But arrrrrggg I just don’t know what to do anymore. But anyways im going to go do something to try to get my mind off of this even though im not sure how well that is really going to work. w/b later
--me
Rima. Thanks so much!
As soon as i get online,hes the sn i look for 1st. When a slow song comes on, his face comes to mind. When i hear the fone ringin, i hope its him callin. His name makes my hrt skip a beat.
I don't think you realize how hard it is 2 talk 2 u as just a friend