(no subject)
What does your handwriting say about YOU?
Just for the record: Don't take this test if you have one of those laptop mousepads... it so totally sucks.
So.. after about two weeks of cutting Bubba off from my life... he sneaks back in. The first time at the beginning of the month when Manders, Rosie, Jackie, Cara and I went out bar hopping and STARTED at Gentleman Jims... next door to Grands... nice. So I go in and say hello. Hey- I was drunk, I didn't care- though I was still pissed at him... and she was there, too.
And as I had hoped, he absolutely fell over when he saw me. Said I looked amazing. He had to pick up his jaw off the floor.
*TOTALLY the reaction I was going for... it's awesome when you get an INCREDIBLE hair stylist to make your head so very pretty, and then have a good friend do your eye makeup!!!*
And then again last week... when Mom dragged me into 819 to buy sheets. I didn't want to go, and I saw his Jeep. I didn't want to see him. I was still so pissed at him.
Then last night, the text messaging began. And continues now.
Bubba: Whatcha doin?
Me: Nothing. Why?
Bubba. Curious.
Me. Well now you know.
Bubba: How have you been?
Me: I've been just fine. You?
Bubba: Lonely but ok. I enjoyed seeing you at the store the other day.
Me: Why are you lonely?
Bubba: No girlfriend. And with the holidays around the corner it makes it seem worse.
Me: But you're not alone. You have your family and your son- that's much more important than some stupid girlfriend.
Bubba: More important, yes, but it is still nice to have a girlfriend.
Me: Besides. I thought you already had one.
Bubba: There was a girl I was kinda with but not really.
Me: What was wrong with her? Why aren't y'all still together?
Bubba: She was talking about if we got serious that there would be 4 kids. That idea kinda scared me.
Me: I see. Having more kids scares you? I'm kinda the same way- I'm terrified I would fuck them up even though I have good intentions.
Bubba: One more I wouldn't mind; but three, that would be kinda rough. I don't think you would fuck them up if you have good intent.
Me: Haha fair enough.
Bubba: I think you'd be a good mom.
Me: Oh yeah why is that.
Bubba: Cause you'd be a good wife.
Me: You actually think someone would marry me? HAHAHA. You're a funny one.
Bubba: If they are lucky. Plus it would be one hell of a honeymoon!
Me: Haha whatever.
Bubba: What?
Me: You and I both know any marriage of mine would never make it to a honeymoon. It would get anulled due to a sudden change of heart.
Bubba: Nah I wouldn't do that.
Me: 'Scuse me? Say what?
Bubba: If we were to marry I wouldn't do that.
Me: Baby, we can't even come to an agreement for dating much less something like MARRIAGE.
Bubba: Wanna come over Friday night?
Me: To do what?
Bubba: Meet my son and watch a movie.
Me: You want me to meet your son? What did I do to deserve that honor?
Bubba: That honor? I thought you wanted to.
Me: I do. It was always a big thing for me to meet one of my mom's friends, though. She wanted her kid's approval before they came around too much.
Bubba: Kewl.
Me: And what kind of movie are we talking about?
Bubba: Something funny. Why, what would you like to watch?
Me: Anything instead of what we ALWAYS watch when I'm over there. Gets a little redundant seeing all that nudity. Haha.
Bubba: OK. How about us naked? :-P
Me: We don't have that on film, silly.
Bubba: I didn't mean on film.
Me: You know those plans work out for us. Wait- you actually have a Friday night off of work?
Bubba: Yeah, my parents are going to a company party so I took off from the poolhall to watch my son. So... I guess that's a no. ?
Me: Very nice. That's not what I meant and you know it.
Bubba: It would be, wouldn't it.
Me: What I meant is that every time we plan for something to happen between us it always backfires.
Bubba: This should go well, I hope. I want you.
Me: Want me for what, exactly. A friends with benefits thing or something more?
Bubba: I was thinking something more.
Me: You finally think so? After a year of my trying to get with you.
That's where we end it.
Update on that soon.
----
I don't know about this. I mean- I've wanted this for a year. And he's toyed me around, and we've dated other people (I dated Rich because I got sick of his shit), and then he dated at least two other girls after things ended with me and Rich, saying he needs time to think about if he wanted to start a new relationship.
Am I being dicked around?
And if I do start things officially with him, there's gonna be some major needs for trust. I mean- he cheated on one of his girlfriends with me freely for about a month. How do I know he won't turn around and do the same thing to me?
EXACTLY.
I'm determined to do the smart thing about this.
And if he can't give me what I ask for, then bye bye. Nada mas para mi. And I won't look back, and I won't regret it... because then that will be extra energy that I have wasted.
----
Sad thing is... this is what I wanted. And part of me still wants it... but at the same time, I feel like "What's the point? A guy you can't trust to keep a sound decision wants you? BIG SUPRISE!! You can do SO MUCH BETTER, KEL!"
What do YOU think I should do?
Krys: right now is where I can use your judgment... and I could totally use my sisters to use their judgment on whether I should spend any more time on this effort or not! I need the BOYFRIEND APPROVAL TEAM!!! I particularly need the Director of the team... one Krystal. I wish I could see her before she goes off to Vietnam... I'm worried about that damn epidemic...
KRYS- STAY AWAY FROM ANYTHING WITH WINGS!!!! I mean- RUN IF YOU SEE IT FLAPPING ITS ARMS!!!
I love her so much. I want her safe and sound. But at the same time- I can't mother her. But I can still pray my ass off regarding her journey being safe and sound... and BIRD-FLU FREE!!!
Anyway. My head is starting to hurt. Damn TMJ. I'll update about that when my head stops spinning, and when I have more time. Preferably the weekend.
I love my Krystal. I hope she and I get to talk before she leaves.