(no subject)
Cannot get this person out of my head. All the could-have-beens, and all the hopes of a future together. For some really odd reason I keep seeing his face when I'm trying to sleep. What the hell! I'm trying to get some shut-eye for work and I keep thinking back to high school when we were together and happy. How happy we made each other. How much fun we had literally sitting around watching TV. And how much fun we had when I helped take care of him when he broke his arm in that accident at CP. And when he took care of ME when I had surgery on my ankle. The tingling I got every time he kissed me, that no guy has ever given me. The feeling as if I had a giant smiley face grinning inside me that made me feel like my entire body was grinning too. The times he drove me UP THE WALL with his science talk. The times he drove me INSANE with his arrogance, and need for perfection (because it always clashed with my own).
Thinking about all that, and knowing I'm living in the same town as he is, and we haven't even run into eachother. I haven't called him. I sent him an e-mail months ago, but I doubt he got it. The thought of writing him a hand-written letter comes to mind.
Then I think- what if he has a girlfriend now? What if he's finally given in to love? And what if I'm too late?
But there's no harm in sparking a little curiosity, and making a cameo appearance into his life again- is there?
I haven't done much with my life since I first moved away to college. And I don't have much to show for it. But lately I've wanted something that I've been lacking in my life.
And he was a wonderful friend.
And he stole my heart. And even though I like to think I have it back, I really don't.
I recently read the signatures in my Senior Yearbook, and one from Reinaldo really tugged at my heart:
"[He] is a lucky guy."
And I recently read his very entry to me in my Junior Yearbook when he graduated. I remember him signing it- Theatre Inductions. As finals were starting. I wasn't very interested in him, but he was an interesting character to have around. And our relationship was to say the least a very interesting one- hell, our "song" was "Loser" by the guys who did "Kryptonite" (the band's name escapes me).
"Dear Kellye,
Well, you are the Loser!! :-) ... Make your Senior Year the best and come visit me at Alumni Day. You're a very... interesting (weird :-) ) girl but a fun one."
As stupid as it is, it made me cry.
And this is the guy I fell in love with in February of 2002. Over three years ago. Who I dated for almost nine months, and I threw it away so I could go to school in another state, leaving the man of my dreams with his fears that I would betray him and leave him.
But in an odd twist of fate, he has most likely gone on to his dreams of becoming an Engineer.
I really want to see him. I really want to spend time with him, talking. Thinking of the past. Talking about our dreams. Our families. His nephew- his pride and joy. :-) Our experiences apart.
I still love him. He was my first love, and I don't regret it at all- no matter how many nights I spent crying because of the decisions I'd made. I wouldn't consider moving to Lynchburg a mistake, but it most certainly didn't help in keeping my relationship with him going.
So, if by some chance you're reading this, or if a friend of yours is reading this: you're in my heart and on my mind. I want to get together to sit and talk and catch up. You're too wonderful a friend and too amazing of a person to just let you vanish from my life, Daniel.
Thinking about all that, and knowing I'm living in the same town as he is, and we haven't even run into eachother. I haven't called him. I sent him an e-mail months ago, but I doubt he got it. The thought of writing him a hand-written letter comes to mind.
Then I think- what if he has a girlfriend now? What if he's finally given in to love? And what if I'm too late?
But there's no harm in sparking a little curiosity, and making a cameo appearance into his life again- is there?
I haven't done much with my life since I first moved away to college. And I don't have much to show for it. But lately I've wanted something that I've been lacking in my life.
And he was a wonderful friend.
And he stole my heart. And even though I like to think I have it back, I really don't.
I recently read the signatures in my Senior Yearbook, and one from Reinaldo really tugged at my heart:
"[He] is a lucky guy."
And I recently read his very entry to me in my Junior Yearbook when he graduated. I remember him signing it- Theatre Inductions. As finals were starting. I wasn't very interested in him, but he was an interesting character to have around. And our relationship was to say the least a very interesting one- hell, our "song" was "Loser" by the guys who did "Kryptonite" (the band's name escapes me).
"Dear Kellye,
Well, you are the Loser!! :-) ... Make your Senior Year the best and come visit me at Alumni Day. You're a very... interesting (weird :-) ) girl but a fun one."
As stupid as it is, it made me cry.
And this is the guy I fell in love with in February of 2002. Over three years ago. Who I dated for almost nine months, and I threw it away so I could go to school in another state, leaving the man of my dreams with his fears that I would betray him and leave him.
But in an odd twist of fate, he has most likely gone on to his dreams of becoming an Engineer.
I really want to see him. I really want to spend time with him, talking. Thinking of the past. Talking about our dreams. Our families. His nephew- his pride and joy. :-) Our experiences apart.
I still love him. He was my first love, and I don't regret it at all- no matter how many nights I spent crying because of the decisions I'd made. I wouldn't consider moving to Lynchburg a mistake, but it most certainly didn't help in keeping my relationship with him going.
So, if by some chance you're reading this, or if a friend of yours is reading this: you're in my heart and on my mind. I want to get together to sit and talk and catch up. You're too wonderful a friend and too amazing of a person to just let you vanish from my life, Daniel.