Just Stop
As I sit here I can only hold my head in shame. I've done so much wrong is these past few days it's killing me. It's eating alive. All I want is some solidarity. Just a little bit of solidarity. I've destroyed the relationships that should mean me most to me. Oh my God I've fucked up. I don't know or understand how I can even hold my head high enough to look at this computer screen and type but I'm doing it. I've done so much in the past few days that I would've never done before. I just want to find peace. I want things to be how they were before. I want my girlfriend back. I love her to death and I just for one moment want to be able to hold her again and not have to worry about her hating me. I want to be with her and make things right. I want to be with my friends I haven't seen in a while. The friends who have gotten me through my school years when I could not have done it alone. I want to make right all the bad things I've done to the friends I have now. I want to fix things how they should be fixed. I want to take back every mean and hurtful and spiteful and angry thing I've ever said. I don't want to be sitting here right now choking on what I've done. I want to feel loved. I want to feel needed. I want this burden to lift off my shoulders. I want to stop acting like I do. I want things to be changed. I want to be happy again. I just want somebody to care for one second to notice the shit I'm in. I just want so much. I want some clarity. I want to know what's going on with me now. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. If by chance I did wake up, then I want to forget everything that's happened that makes me who I am. I hate who I am. I hate feeling the way I do. I just want some fucking clarity. I just want to feel loved. I just want to not regret every single fucking thing I do. I want to like myself when I wake up in the morning. I want to stop typing but I can't. I just want so much . I just want so much, I want too much but I can't help but want it. Somebody help me please. Somebody please care. Somebody read this and tell me they care. Somebody, anybody.