errrytime that beat go, woahwoahwoahwoah
So wow I haven't written in here in forever!
my dad's coming up tomorrow. i'm really excited because i definitely haven't seen him in 6 months. and that's definitely a long time. so yeah he's here for a week, and on monday we're doing the whole annual "camping" at darien lake deal, which i'm also really excited about. i told him he's taking me driving, and he agreed so woah, better happen. i have a lot of fun with my family when he's here. not that i don't when he's not here, but it's sorta an excuse to just all spend more time with eachother than usual. except my room gets sacrificed which means i realllly have to finish cleaning it tonight. but yeah, i'm so excited. and i just can't hidddde it.
so lately i dunno what i've been doing. OH YEAH I DO-ENJOYING SUMMER!
wednesday was the last exam obviously THANK GAHHHHH. i studied for that chem hell with carlie one day and we totally got at least a raw score of 48, i KNOW we did. and then the night before with mary, we had a dodgeball war with her dad which was mad funny, and then we camped out in her backyard in the dark with a lantern til like 1030 and ate kettle corn and learned periodic table shit. 8 is great! but NO MORE SCHOOL. i also hit my first home run on wednesday night! playing those river rock girls was funny. they cheered like it was their job and got all bent out of shape when something bad happened for them. and they played with 4 outfielders. and carlie screamed profanities at me when i was up to bat. i love that girl i think. fun game though. so yeah after that colin, coleman, and rosie came over and we chillaxed and celebrated the first night of summerrr for a few hours. we listened to the aladdin soundtrack, jumped on the trampoline, and ate popsicles. what better way to party hard?
then i sleptover laurens house last night, which was fun. i let her braid my hair...which was a funny ass mistake. she braided all these little braids and then big ones and sprayed practically whole can of hairspray on my head and it was all crusty but it made me into a poodle and i love that girl. i banged my head on her table and i think we peed our pants about it for like 10 minutes. and we played slip and slide with dana and then she got her moped. and we had burger king. i watched the first episode of the real world austin which i missed monday and omggg it was so intense. i'm sooo looking forward to this season. danny's face got messssssed up bigtime. his cheek was like caved in. and her little neighbors are so adorable. i love little kids, especially 4 year olds who want to be palientologists and know more dinosaur names than i even knew existed.
so i'm with colin now. it's probably really surprising and random to everyone, as it was to me too. i didn't have any classes with him all year...didn't see him like attt all. but then the last day of school, the last day...i went and hung out with alesse's 3rd period class outside on the front lawn and we like played catch, and just hung out. something clicked i guess? we just started talking online alot and then hung out a few times. and somewhere along the course of that, i really have started to have feelings for him. ones that kinda came out of nowhere. ones i'm a little scared of because it was so sudden and fast and random and weird and made me really happy when i wasn't expecting anything of the sort to happen in my life. i hadn't touched a guy in half a year. the last guy i got close to in this respect was rob. and that happened quickly too...and ended badly and left me with feelings i couldn't get rid of for the longest time, i was stuck...stuck in a place i just couldn't escape...so i was afraid of how this happened the way it did. and i wasn't sure if i wanted to be in a relationship, because all of a sudden i just sorta found myself in one, and when i looked around i was really confused. but after expressing all my concerns about needing to feel free, being afraid of where this could lead, about how fast it happened, about my insecurities...i kinda came to the conclusion that all i want to do is just see what happens. get to know him better. just spend some time. it's kinda inexplainable. i don't know if anyone gets it, because i don't really get it either honestly. but if you know colin, you probably see him as the funny kid who just goofs around all the time, who just hangs out with his buds, and has no ability to ever be serious....because that's pretty much what i thought of him before. but now, now that i'm getting to know him, i'm seeing this side of him that i would've neverrrrrr guessed was there. and i never expected that i'd see this side. i had NO idea that my summer had him in store for me. it all just...happened. and my first instinct is so be careful. but then i thought about it, and sometimes people say the best things happen when you least expect them to. so instead of pushing him away...maybe this is good for me. i forgot how it feels to miss someone at night, to learn the details of someones smile. to feel that sort of feeling. maybe i'm finally to the point where i can move on...to new things and people and thoughts and places. what didn't kill me, made me stronger. to all of my friends who were there for me through all the hard times i had this year, i'm thanking you. because i've gradually been feeling further away from that sadness, to the point where i've learned so many lessons, and i'm just happy to be me.
stuff has been really hectic though. although school's over, i still feel like life is coming at me full throttle, besides the time where i'm just chillin out watching some tv in the comfort of my room or sleeping in until like 1. but that's not the point. i just hope things can work out with people i miss and love. caitlin and i haven't hung out in forever, and i do apologize for the way things have spelled themselves out lately, but there's no way that i don't want to see that girl. we have a lot of catching up to do...and it sucks that we've drifted so far apart lately, but i know that it'll make the time we do spend with eachother next time i see her all the more important. i'm always down for that girl and i hope she knows that. in a way although we haven't seen eachother in forever, i still feel like we're as close at heart as we're always gonna be. always gonna love her. and the haggerty's. goddammmmmmn when they get back from camp i swear to god this whole "we gotta hang out" deal IS GOING DOWN. you ladies are coming over and sleeping here which is longgg overdue and we're gonna watch movies and pig out and catch up and take a million pictures. and make a club! haha. and EJ i miss and hope i get to hang out with soon. i hope she knows i'm always gonna love her with my whole heart no matter how much time we've spent apart, i hope she knows that that doesn't mean i love her any less. because we just have this sort of bond which i hope i'll never have to lose. and alex i want to seeee because we always have so much fun when we hang out and it's been mad long, as well as meghan. and i want to see my rossssssie! because me and her have a "crew" and we need to chill with it!!!!!!!!!!! i want that girl to be amazingly happy because she deserves it. and i want to hang with my sammy hopefully he'll come to darien lake. and of course my carlie and my lauren and my mary. and like erin, maggie, ari, heather, hannah, even tara brown who i haven't hung out with in forever, and tess, all them, i want to see everyone this summer. i just wanna have so much fun. i can't wait until i get my lisense in august/september. although it can't come sooner, i just...am realizing how much fun it is to grow up and share this seriously amazing time in my life with the friends i love.
but alright...i really need to go to sleep slash finish cleaning my room. and it's 3 in the morning. i'm a loser!
i seriously love all my friends. <33333333
call me while i'm at darien lake next week too! monday-thursday: 8676278!!!!