what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker.
Its quarter of four in the morning. i am typing a livejournal thing when i could be doing work or sleeping or snuggling or anything and i am typing some bullshit about how i am depressed. i hate it. i also hate how for some reason i dont like asking for help. i could have told a million people that i get bummed out (so do a lot of people so i am not special) or i could have fixed my problem myself but nope. i am not and i feel like shit.
i think most of the bummed feeling is from feeling like i am going to fail out of college. i probably wont but a guy can have irrational fears, right? whatever.
i wasted a night doing nothing. the part of the night with my friends was great but when i left i didnt do anything but procrastinate. so do a lot of people so i am not special. the semester is ending soon and what do i have to show for it? i am getting dumber by the day and nothing is changing. i made a list of shit i need to get done when i get up today. if i dont see you today, its not cos you arent the coolest person ever, its because i am going to try and isolate myself in regards to getting shit done.
i watched Trapped In The Closet 3 separate times today. maybe that has something to do with it.
i talked to adam and paul. i miss them both a lot and i cant wait to see them. hopefully in two fridays
then about an hour ago, i went for a walk and when i got back, i had missed a message from my friend jess. she misses me and wanted to talk. missed her. missed missed missed
Miss Edoportunities. my new lady friend.
Im going to work to pass that test on tuesday.
Im going to email my teachers and ask for help.
im going to answer ashley and tell her whats bugging me.
im going to do a lot of things and if it looks like i am not, tell me, please. PLEASE!
remind me to keep focused. dont let me think of excuses. we all have problems and we are all trying to get through college, work, school, the day, life, etc and we all need reminders to remember who are friends are, who we are, whats important, what life is all really about and i keep forgetting a lot. i wonder why. remind me to avoid that for a whole week, too. i think it would be a good idea. plus my pockets cant take it any more. neither can any other part of me.
congrats to rey rey for the big win tonight.
i probably wont tell anyone anything now. its four in the morning and people have to get up and do stuff soon. im no more important that any of that. if she wakes up and asks me, ill tell her. i think that is a fair compromise.
top 10 in the brain:
1. i hope i am not falling of a cliff right now. not literally
2. taco bell is good food if done right at the right time
3. i saw some guys playing magic cards downstairs about an hour ago. awesome.
4. ryan belcher is an unstoppable machine of awesome proportions.
5. fuck springing ahead. it throws me all off.
6. whats going to happen tomorrow on RAW?!?!?!?!?
7. i hope i get enough jobage to live on campus this summer. i cant think about not being with my friends here.
8. fuck the parent guilt trip. if anything it makes me care less.
9. so the semester is almost over and i havent done anything with those ideas i had over xmas break. good thing the runner happened or else i would be no where.
10. i should go to mara 1 more often. what a fucker
what a fucker.
what a fucker.
what a fucker.
what a fucker.
what a fucker.
what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker.
i dont feel good about anything right now.
please dont write back a lot of "hang tight, im here for ya" stuff. i appreciate them when they are done and i know i have friends that really care for me. thats not why i wrote this. i just like getting stuff out of my system and into the air but i dont want to feel like a sympathy case. and that wasnt a jab at anyone.
i think most of the bummed feeling is from feeling like i am going to fail out of college. i probably wont but a guy can have irrational fears, right? whatever.
i wasted a night doing nothing. the part of the night with my friends was great but when i left i didnt do anything but procrastinate. so do a lot of people so i am not special. the semester is ending soon and what do i have to show for it? i am getting dumber by the day and nothing is changing. i made a list of shit i need to get done when i get up today. if i dont see you today, its not cos you arent the coolest person ever, its because i am going to try and isolate myself in regards to getting shit done.
i watched Trapped In The Closet 3 separate times today. maybe that has something to do with it.
i talked to adam and paul. i miss them both a lot and i cant wait to see them. hopefully in two fridays
then about an hour ago, i went for a walk and when i got back, i had missed a message from my friend jess. she misses me and wanted to talk. missed her. missed missed missed
Miss Edoportunities. my new lady friend.
Im going to work to pass that test on tuesday.
Im going to email my teachers and ask for help.
im going to answer ashley and tell her whats bugging me.
im going to do a lot of things and if it looks like i am not, tell me, please. PLEASE!
remind me to keep focused. dont let me think of excuses. we all have problems and we are all trying to get through college, work, school, the day, life, etc and we all need reminders to remember who are friends are, who we are, whats important, what life is all really about and i keep forgetting a lot. i wonder why. remind me to avoid that for a whole week, too. i think it would be a good idea. plus my pockets cant take it any more. neither can any other part of me.
congrats to rey rey for the big win tonight.
i probably wont tell anyone anything now. its four in the morning and people have to get up and do stuff soon. im no more important that any of that. if she wakes up and asks me, ill tell her. i think that is a fair compromise.
top 10 in the brain:
1. i hope i am not falling of a cliff right now. not literally
2. taco bell is good food if done right at the right time
3. i saw some guys playing magic cards downstairs about an hour ago. awesome.
4. ryan belcher is an unstoppable machine of awesome proportions.
5. fuck springing ahead. it throws me all off.
6. whats going to happen tomorrow on RAW?!?!?!?!?
7. i hope i get enough jobage to live on campus this summer. i cant think about not being with my friends here.
8. fuck the parent guilt trip. if anything it makes me care less.
9. so the semester is almost over and i havent done anything with those ideas i had over xmas break. good thing the runner happened or else i would be no where.
10. i should go to mara 1 more often. what a fucker
what a fucker.
what a fucker.
what a fucker.
what a fucker.
what a fucker.
what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker. what a fucker.
i dont feel good about anything right now.
please dont write back a lot of "hang tight, im here for ya" stuff. i appreciate them when they are done and i know i have friends that really care for me. thats not why i wrote this. i just like getting stuff out of my system and into the air but i dont want to feel like a sympathy case. and that wasnt a jab at anyone.