Lucy <3
I have been feeling the urge to embark on a solo trip lately. Soul searching, so to speak. I've taken various different substances in the past few years, but usually in a group, or with at least one other person (usually tripping as well). I wanted something more intimate.
I worked from 9 am - 1 pm, and was tired by the time I got home. I've fallen into a bad habit of staying up late and spending far too much time on my laptop. I wanted to make something of the day instead of letting it go to waste. Seemed like the perfect opportunity for my solo trip. I had a couple tabs of acid in the freezer. Around 5 pm I ate them both.
I had been slightly paranoid that the tabs had been damaged in the freezer, or were bunk to begin with. Apparently I had nothing to be concerned about! It was some of the most visual, contemplative LSD I've ever eaten.
My roommate Kara kept an eye on me. We hung out occasionally, sometimes smoking bowls, but I was mostly by myself. My trip was so intense and internalized that I found it hard to carry on conversation. As an experienced tripper herself, Kara knew what was up. I felt blessed to have an understanding "babysitter" around who knew how to be there, but also how to give me space. The whole night I was in disbelief of how perfect the setting and environment was ... Whenever that thought came about, I'd worry - oh no, now I've jynxed it! Something is sure to go wrong! But that was not so!
I spent the first few hours drawing. A few months back I had an acid trip where I could hear the life stories & personalities of each individual line stroke I was drawing. This experience was similar, although it felt more spiritual. I felt closer to these line strokes, as if we were family. I'm sure that sounds strange, and it was; amazingly so.
Several times I looked around in awe, and silent tears of joy streamed down my face. I realized how human it is to cry. I thought about how lucky we are that the universe works in such a way that we get to experience all we do. I felt myself completely embracing the moment, and waves of euphoria hit. Oh my god, I'm completely aware. I'm aware that I'm in a human body, thinking with a human brain, on the planet earth, in the universe, that I'm living in the present moment, that this is the here and now, that it's not forever. Nothing ever felt so true or beautiful.
Eventually I needed air and wandered on to the porch. I opened up the living room window so the music would follow me out. I started spinning poi until I noticed the sky. We have such an amazing view from our porch. A storm was brewing, and the sky swirled around with a heavy energy above. I pulled out a reclining chair and watched.
I feel like I took myself out on a romantic date and nature put on a show for the occasion. I can't find words to describe the strange beauty. I kept laughing out loud, thinking, I can't believe this is happening. Is this really happening? I can't believe I am the only one here experiencing this! There were times when the clouds cleared up that I felt like I was seeing deeper into the sky, and into space, than ever before.
Tree branches abstracted and stacked on top of one another. The trees sank into the background. Nature started imitating one of my drawings. The rose bush to my left swayed and danced towards me sweetly. I don't know how long I took it all in; I didn't want it to end.
I became startled by a change in the sky, and dashed inside. Soon it began to pour, and thunder rumbled through the house. I ran up to my room, which overlooks the porch. I still had front row seats to the show in the sky!!! My bed is right underneath a window, so I opened it up and looked up at the sky from my pillow. Cried a little more in disbelief. Haha.
I spent the rest of the trip coming down in my room. I let the ferrets out, played with them, watched them chase each other around, giggled to myself. I felt content lying on my bed. I had music, ferrets, my thoughts. I did miss Andrew, and wanted badly to cuddle him, although I enjoyed my solitude. Eventually I fell asleep, although I have no idea when.
I woke up at 7 am feeling divine, although a bit sore and a little slower than usual. I had to work at 4, but got plenty of time to return to "normal". I spent most of the morning crafting, which felt great :) I also went out to get a coffee to make sure I could actually communicate properly, lol (I could).
It turned out the be exactly what I was looking for an exactly what I needed.
<3