Middle of Nowhere - Chapter 12
Title: Middle of Nowhere
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by Annie Proulx. I make no money from this and don't want to.
Thanks: To Em, Rosie, Lindsey and Keren, for all your help and support.
Feedback: Oh yes please!! I appreciate every word.
Chapter 12
Ennis watched Jack gather all the boys together for a talk, which was proving difficult due to their excitement and anticipation for the day ahead. Ennis couldn’t understand it; fourth of July was never a big deal for him. He only remembered the one time he and his brother were taken into town to see a parade, and then to a fairground where he went on the Ferris wheel, ate too much candy and was ill on the way home. He threw up in the garden and missed the fireworks. KE made fun of him for the longest time after that.
He was interested to see how other people celebrated this day. To him, it was just another day, nothing special. On camp however, it took on a life of its own. Howie had been talking about it for days and Ennis knew it was going to be big and, for the kids, it was good fun and a break from routine. Ennis just wanted the day to be done so he could get away without having to participate in any games or shows. Plus, the sooner the day was over, the closer he’d get to it being Jack’s birthday.
Ennis zoned back into watching Jack trying to get the boys’ attention. It was before breakfast, and Ennis and Jack had already discussed how to deal with the fall out from last night’s fight. He knew Justin didn’t want it made into a big deal. The sooner they got it sorted out, the better for everyone concerned. He left the talking to Jack.
“I don’t want this thing to be hanging over us today, or for the rest of our time here. So I’ll make this quick.” Jack stood in front of the boys, hands on hips, looking serious. Ennis stood behind Jack, with his arms folded.
Jack turned to Ryan. “You got anything you want to say to Justin?” All the boys turned to
Ryan in expectation.
Ryan had his head down. “’m sorry,” he mumbled.
“You’re gonna have to speak up Ryan,” Jack said.
“I said I’m sorry.”
“You wanna look at Justin when you say that?”
Ryan lifted his head slightly. “’m sorry, okay? Shouldn’t a said what I did.”
Justin nodded his head in acceptance. It wasn’t much of an apology, but Ennis knew not to expect much more.
“Okay.” Jack said, turning to Ennis. “You wanna say anything here, Ennis?”
Ennis cleared his throat. “Just, let’s try and keep our heads and enjoy the rest of the summer, huh? Foolish to spoil a good thing.”
The boys remained quiet, waiting to take their cue from Jack on what to do next.
“Today’s gonna be different, as you know,” Jack said. “Lots of fun and games and good stuff going on. It’d be reassuring for me and Ennis to know that you’re behaving well and not getting up to any mischief.”
“Not even if it means getting one over on the girls, Jack?” Scott asked with a glint in his eye. “Cause we got plans for ‘em.”
“Well, I guess we can’t expect you to be completely trouble-free for the whole day. Go on, I expect breakfast’ll be due about now.”
The boys began to file out of the cabin. Jack held Ryan back.
“Glad you apologised,” Jack said. “Didn’t want to have to haul you over to Howie’s office, especially not today.”
“Yeah, well I apologised, but don’t expect me to be friends or nothing.”
“I don’t expect that, but what I do expect is a bit of leeway where Justin is concerned. He’s having a hard enough time without you making it worse. And remember - if this happens again, we’ll ask Howie to deal with you. D’you understand?”
“I guess,” Ryan mumbled.
“Good. Now go on and join the others, we’ll be right behind you.”
When Ryan left, Ennis wondered if he should have said anything to Justin, but figured Justin probably wanted to forget the whole thing.
“What d’you make of his apology then? Think he meant it?” Jack was leaning against the door, watching Ennis.
“As much as anyone with a mind like his can mean anything.”
“Yeah, well, he knows he’s walking a tightrope, so let’s hope it reins him in some.”
Ennis nodded, and cleared his throat. “Handled that well, Jack.”
“Thanks. Never know if I‘m saying the right thing.”
“You do just fine.”
“All these compliments will go to my head, Ennis. You gotta be careful.” Jack pushed himself
off the door and moved towards Ennis.
“Don’t - look at me like that.”
“Can’t I look at you now?” Jack asked coyly.
“Not - like that. Not here. Not when I can’t do anything about it.”
“Well, I ain’t forgot what we said last night. About the making up you got to do.”
“I ain’t forgot neither. Was thinking on it most of last night.”
“Oh yeah? You gonna let me in on exactly what you were thinking?”
“Maybe. Tomorrow night.”
“You’re gonna drive me crazy. Dammit. We gotta go to breakfast.”
“I know. Ain’t hungry - for food, anyways.”
“Ennis….you gotta stop that. You talking to me that way is not helping me keep control a myself here.”
Ennis walked a few steps until he was almost nose to nose with Jack.
“Now you know what it’s like for me,” he said, with quiet intention. “When you talk to me the way you do, and look at me the way you do, and touch me the way you do.” Ennis drew his hand up Jack’s arm, stopping at his elbow. “Like that.” Ennis pressed his fingers harder. “That drives me crazy, Jack.”
Ennis heard Jack gulp. “Damn, kiss me Ennis, quick. No one’s here.”
“Can’t. I can’t.”
“Shit.” Jack walked away from Ennis, towards the bathroom. He disappeared.
Ennis stood there, waiting for Jack to reappear, but he didn’t. Ennis looked around the room, despite it being empty. He walked towards the bathroom, every step feeling like a mile. When he got there, Jack was leaning against the wall.
“Come here,” Jack whispered.
Ennis walked over, and Jack pulled on his shirt until their chests collided.
“Fuck, Jack, we can’t, not here….,” Ennis’s words were cut off by Jack’s mouth, hard and eager, leaving Ennis no chance to do much of anything other than to reciprocate. His mouth opened for Jack, and they kissed wildly as their hands touched as many places as they could reach. Ennis knew doing this here was wrong, in so many ways, but he couldn’t stop, he didn’t want to stop, and that was the problem, he knew he couldn’t start something because he wouldn’t want it to end.
He pulled away, leaving Jack panting and grabbing at Ennis’s shirt, enough to pull it out of the waistband of his jeans.
Ennis reluctantly grabbed Jack’s hand away.
“Jack, we can’t.” Ennis hated having to say it, but he had to try and get some kind of control of the situation.
“I know, but, I want you so bad,” Jack breathed, pushing his forehead against Ennis’s, trying to calm himself down.
“We got tomorrow, Jack,” Ennis said.
“Huh? How so? It may be my birthday but we won’t get a chance to be on our own.”
“Jack, I, I didn’t want to say this, it was gonna be a surprise, but - we got the night off.”
“You kidding me?” Jack’s eyes lit up.
“No. Jack, we got the whole night off. Together.”
“But - how, I mean, how did you….”
“Don’t matter how or what, all that matters is we’re gonna have a whole night together. So please, don’t hate me for stopping this now, but we can’t do this here, I don’t want to risk anything that might ruin what we’re gonna have tomorrow night. D’you understand?”
“Ennis….I understand. I always do this.”
“What?”
“Push you, but I can’t stop myself. I look at you and you say things and hell - I’m sorry.” Jack started pushing Ennis’s shirt back in his jeans. They looked at each other. Ennis touched Jack’s cheek with his finger.
“Tomorrow Jack. Think on that.”
“I will.”
They left the cabin and, not for the first time, Ennis wondered how he was able to control himself when all he wanted was to take Jack right there. These feelings were like nothing he had ever experienced or imagined, and he didn’t know how he was going to wait until tomorrow night.
---
The day passed as Ennis hoped. He wasn’t called on to participate in any foolish games, or dress up in silly clothes; there seemed to be an endless queue of staff who were happy enough to do just that, and that suited Ennis just fine.
The carnival atmosphere seemed to have a refreshing effect on the whole camp, with rules and routine on hold until tomorrow. Ennis felt pushed along with it. Not enough to dunk himself in cold water or trip himself up in a three-legged race, but he was happy to watch those who did.
Jack, of course, threw himself into everything. The number of campers who ran screaming with Jack to this game or that stall was endless, and Ennis could only smile and marvel at Jack’s never-ending supply of cheerfulness. Ennis wondered where Jack got it from, and why, if that was Jack’s natural way, Jack liked hanging around with him, because Ennis wasn’t that way. Yet Jack seemed to revel in Ennis’s company, and their late night encounters were as sacred and magical to Jack as they were to Ennis.
Ennis didn’t understand. What did Jack Twist see in him? He scuffed at the scorched grass as he pondered on it, momentarily losing sight and sound of the crowd around him. He wondered if what he had planned for Jack’s birthday would be enough for Jack, or would he want more? Ennis didn’t know, and didn’t think it was any good trying to guess.
When he saw a few of his regular wood shop campers approach him with devilish smiles, Ennis tried to think of a reason to make him move away right now. He looked around for Jack, but he was taking part in a game of pin the tail on the donkey. He spotted Simon, who was walking towards his truck. An idea came to Ennis’s mind and he made a run for it, hoping Simon would be willing to help and not ask too many questions.
----
“You see where Ennis went?” Jack asked, as he approached Meli, who was holding the fort at the face painting table.
“No, why, you missing him?” Meli said, fluttering her eyelashes.
“I saw him talking with Simon and then I lost sight of them.”
“Oh, now, that’s interesting. Maybe Ennis is planning to run away with Simon.”
“So why aren’t you upset if that’s the case?”
“Because I’ll still have you.” Meli kissed Jack on the cheek. Jack pretended to find it gross and wiped it off. He watched Meli paint a collection of butterflies on the face of one of the little campers. His eyes were fixed on what Meli was doing, but his mind was elsewhere.
He hadn’t seen much of Ennis all day, and was disappointed, as he’d hoped to spend most of it together, without alerting any suspicions that would freak Ennis out. But it hadn’t worked out that way, and so Jack was left with entertaining his army of fans that consisted of the youngest girls on the camp. He didn’t mind. He loved the Fourth of July and he loved making these kids smile.
Just wished it could have been Ennis he was making happy. He hoped he was. He thought he was. Ennis showing him the letter from KE was still on his mind, the true meaning of it still confusing, but at least Ennis was trying to let Jack know, in his own way, that Jack was someone special to him.
He still hadn’t figured out how that had happened; coming to camp and falling for a guy was probably the only thing on the “least likely to happen” part of his application. But here he was, lusting after Ennis, and wanting him, knowing how good it felt to kiss him and be kissed by him. He had no idea that it could be that way with a guy. How would he? He had no knowledge of such things. He only hoped his sometimes needy way of showing Ennis how he cared didn’t scare Ennis away. He wondered if it made him seem too much like a girl. He was no girl. He wanted Ennis to know that. Well, he knew, Ennis had touched him in all the right and good places and knew there was no girl hidden anywhere.
What they’d done in Meli’s room was something that he re-visited often in his mind, and he was still a little stunned that he’d not only let Ennis do it, but Ennis had wanted to. It had hurt some, but the pain disappeared when Ennis got to a certain spot deep inside him that made him see stars. Whenever he got to that bit in his thinking on it, he got hard. He imagined Ennis pushing in, strong and deep, leaning over him, moving like he knew the exact place he was reaching, knew the effect it would have on him. But how could Ennis know that? Is this what happened when you met the right person. You just knew?
“Earth calling lover boy, come in lover boy.” Meli was waving her paintbrush in front of his face. He had to shake his head to clear away the rush of thoughts that crammed his head, all of them with NC13 ratings. He saw that the little girl Meli had been painting was gone. He hadn’t even noticed her leaving.
“Where were you?” Meli asked.
Jack didn’t want to talk about it. He shrugged his shoulders, letting Meli know the subject wasn’t up for discussion.
“You meany,” she said, talking like one of the five year olds he was teaching to swim. “For that, I’m going to paint your face.”
“Oh no you are not,” Jack said firmly.
“Oh yes I am. If I don’t get to find out what’s in that dirty little head of yours, I can paint your face. It’s a fair trade I think. Now,” she said, looking at her book of face painting ideas. “What would you like? Flowers? Love hearts? Oh no, that’s too obvious. I know! A tiger…cause I bet you’re a tiger in be…..”
Jack cut her off by putting his hand over her mouth. She grabbed it and bit down hard. He snatched his hand away, howling at the bite she inflicted on him and went back to scowling at her.
“You try to stop me, you get bitten,” she said. “Now, where was I? Oh yes, a tiger? Or maybe a lion? Or would that be Ennis? Maybe he’d be a horse…a dark one.”
Meli was no longer looking at her book, just pretending to. Jack stood grimly with his arms folded, trying not to laugh.
“I’ve got it!” she screamed. “An E and J on either cheek…face cheek, I’m talking about, just so you’re clear. I may be gay friendly, but I‘m not that gay friendly.”
“Meli, just drop it, you’re funny okay, but I ain’t getting my face painted. Not today, not ever.”
“Spoil sport,” Meli said, glumly. “I think Ennis would be so made up to see you participating fully in this Very Important Ritual.”
“Oh, and how many Fourth of July celebrations have you joined in with? One? And I’ve had, oh it must be over twenty now, and I don’t think I ever saw anyone having to be forcibly held down to have their face painted.”
“You rumbled me, I just wanted to see what you looked like with paint on your face.”
“You freak.”
“Yeah, I know. It‘s a flaw, I‘m working on it.”
“I think you’d be wasting your time. A tiger can‘t change it‘s spots.”
“That would be a leopard, Jack.”
“Leopard, tiger, horse, what’s the difference?”
“You missed out lion. So is that what Ennis is, Jack? A lion?”
“I’ve changed my mind. You need to work on that flaw.”
“Oh come on, Jack, just give me a bit. A smidgeon. Just something to let me know that my guesses were right. Ennis is a wild one, isn’t he?”
“Can we talk about something else? It ain‘t nice to talk about someone when they ain‘t here to defend themselves.”
“Okay. I will.” Meli tapped her finger against her lip in mock contemplation.
“What is it with you?” Jack said, pulling on one of Meli’s ponytails. “Doesn’t Simon occupy enough of your thoughts that you have to think about other people?”
“It’s not that,” Meli said, suddenly serious. “It’s just - well, I can’t help it, I want everything to be good for you and Ennis, you know? I know how hard it must be, not being able to just be with each other, it would be hard for me. So I’m just making sure that things are good with you and Ennis. They are, right?”
“Yeah, Meli, they are. You know, you could have just asked that and I would have told you.”
“What? And miss out on you cringing at the idea of having E and J on your face? No way!”
“Ok, I get it. You had your bit of fun. Hey, you’ll be able to come out tomorrow night, right? Help celebrate my birthday?”
“What? And miss out on the celebration of the whole summer? You bet I’ll be there, with bells on. So what do you think Ennis got you?”
“He’s not getting me anything, I don’t expect it. I’m just glad, well, you know, that he’s here and - well, I don’t suppose it would hurt to tell you, but Ennis told me this morning that we got the night off together.”
“Oh yeah? Wow, that’s great Jack.”
“You knew already didn’t you? I can tell.”
“What? Oh ok, I did, but - don’t be mad at Ennis, it was important I knew. I can’t say any more than that, but believe me, you are going to understand come tomorrow night. You’re not mad are you?”
“No, I just don’t know what’s going on. But I expect it’s all good, right? I mean, me and Ennis having the night off together is something I didn’t think would happen. We’ve only had that one night alone in your room and that was only a couple of hours. So this is, well this is going to be something else.”
“I am so happy for you, but I think you know that already. And I promise I won’t tell Ennis that you were almost tempted to have E&J painted on your face. Cross my heart.”
“Gee thanks Meli, you’re a pal.”
--
The day ended with celebrations by the lake, with Howie and Bob and other staff setting up the firework displays, Jack in charge of the barbeque, and Ennis getting some fires going.
With the sun setting over the tranquil lake, and the fireflies and crickets coming out to see what was going on, Ennis marvelled, not for the first time, at the wonderful land the camp rested on. The sense of freedom he felt here was immense; his lungs expanded as he took in the strong and potent fragrances of the night air, and his ears buzzed with the hum of the low and calm chatter that surrounded him.
He took it all in as he rubbed stone and wood together, waiting for the fire to ignite. He felt the loss of Jack’s usual whoop of joy as the flames took hold. He listened out for Jack’s voice as it drifted towards him. He pretended to be busy with the fire, when in fact he was letting Jack’s voice bounce inside him, and he lost count of how many times his heart skipped a beat when he heard Jack say “Ennis.”
He looked up to see Jack talking animatedly to Bob, his eyes focused on his boss, his hands joining in the conversation as if they were a third person taking on a life of their own. He tried not to look too long, in case anyone would notice. But the dark hair, the lean body and the lilting voice drew him back so many times he felt like his neck was going to pull.
And Jack’s eyes. Even in the dim twilight, Jack’s blue eyes sparkled like ocean-coloured shooting stars. He felt his hands sweat, and he rubbed them together, giving him something to do. Jack locked eyes with him and smiled, hitching his head to indicate he wanted Ennis to join him. Ennis looked around, expecting all eyes to be on them, waiting to see what Ennis would do. But no one was looking. He stood up and moved awkwardly over to Jack, and Bob turned to welcome Ennis into the conversation.
“Great skills you got there, mate,” Bob said, patting Ennis on the shoulder, “If ever I take a trip in the bush, I’ll be calling on you for some survival tips.” Bob laughed good-naturedly and Ennis smiled, feeling flushed and embarrassed.
Jack smiled at Ennis. The smile was so strong and it seemed to hit so many nerves in Ennis’s body, he didn’t know which one to think about first.
“Just comes natural to him, don’t it, Ennis?” Jack was saying, looking first at him and then back at Bob.
“I guess,” Ennis mumbled.
“A bit like you and swimming,” Bob offered. “You know, Ennis, he’s one of the best swimming counselors I’ve ever had working for me, and I’ve been doing this job for fifteen long years.”
Ennis felt a glow of pride beam inside as he looked at Jack. He knew that Bob was speaking plainly; there was no reason to say what wasn’t true. It was good for Jack to hear that from Bob, so Jack would know that he was valued and his hard work was not going unnoticed.
“Well, that’s some praise I’d say,” Ennis said, fixing his eyes on Jack as he said it.
“Yep, well, I only say it as I see it,” Bob said. “Which is why I’m giving him the afternoon off tomorrow.”
“What? I don’t…” Jack said, flustered.
“You deserve it, Jack. I hope you have a good birthday.”
“I - I don’t know what to say.”
“Thanks would be a start,” Bob laughed. “Just have fun.” Bob walked away, leaving Jack with his mouth open.
“You’d better close that, Jack,” Ennis said, “or you’ll be having mosquitoes for supper.”
“Did you know about that?” Jack said, pointing to Bob’s departing back.
“I ain’t the boss of Bob, why would I know?” Ennis shrugged his shoulders, trying not to make a big thing of a very big thing.
“I figure you know a lot - and most of that you ain’t telling me. I gotta be worried?”
“Worried? The fact it’s your 21st birthday and you got the afternoon and night off? Yeah, Jack you gotta be real worried.”
“Jesus, Ennis, first you turn into Mr Smooth Operator, and then you surprise me again and do a turn as the King of Comedy. Are you sure you’re Ennis del Mar?”
“Last time I looked.”
“And where were you looking? Precisely?”
“Jack….”
“Ennis…”
“Stop it.”
“Okay. Sorry. That was…below the belt.” Ennis followed Jack’s eyes as they travelled below Ennis’s belt, and back up again, until they locked with his. Jack’s teasing smirk made Ennis giddy.
“Jack fuckin Twist,” Ennis murmured under his breath.
“At your service…or I will be, tomorrow night.”
Ennis’s reply was cut off by Howie announcing the start of the fireworks. Everyone cheered and hollered, and Ennis watched as the fireworks took to the bruise-beaten sky, rocketing high and exploding in an array of cascading colours, like a kaleidoscopic dance of shooting stars.
Ennis felt Jack’s strong presence beside him. He knew Jack was leaning into him, letting him know things. He wanted more than he could say to reach out and entwine his fingers with Jack’s. Their arms and shoulders brushing now and then would have to do. Until tomorrow.
xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by Annie Proulx. I make no money from this and don't want to.
Thanks: To Em, Rosie, Lindsey and Keren, for all your help and support.
Feedback: Oh yes please!! I appreciate every word.
Chapter 12
Ennis watched Jack gather all the boys together for a talk, which was proving difficult due to their excitement and anticipation for the day ahead. Ennis couldn’t understand it; fourth of July was never a big deal for him. He only remembered the one time he and his brother were taken into town to see a parade, and then to a fairground where he went on the Ferris wheel, ate too much candy and was ill on the way home. He threw up in the garden and missed the fireworks. KE made fun of him for the longest time after that.
He was interested to see how other people celebrated this day. To him, it was just another day, nothing special. On camp however, it took on a life of its own. Howie had been talking about it for days and Ennis knew it was going to be big and, for the kids, it was good fun and a break from routine. Ennis just wanted the day to be done so he could get away without having to participate in any games or shows. Plus, the sooner the day was over, the closer he’d get to it being Jack’s birthday.
Ennis zoned back into watching Jack trying to get the boys’ attention. It was before breakfast, and Ennis and Jack had already discussed how to deal with the fall out from last night’s fight. He knew Justin didn’t want it made into a big deal. The sooner they got it sorted out, the better for everyone concerned. He left the talking to Jack.
“I don’t want this thing to be hanging over us today, or for the rest of our time here. So I’ll make this quick.” Jack stood in front of the boys, hands on hips, looking serious. Ennis stood behind Jack, with his arms folded.
Jack turned to Ryan. “You got anything you want to say to Justin?” All the boys turned to
Ryan in expectation.
Ryan had his head down. “’m sorry,” he mumbled.
“You’re gonna have to speak up Ryan,” Jack said.
“I said I’m sorry.”
“You wanna look at Justin when you say that?”
Ryan lifted his head slightly. “’m sorry, okay? Shouldn’t a said what I did.”
Justin nodded his head in acceptance. It wasn’t much of an apology, but Ennis knew not to expect much more.
“Okay.” Jack said, turning to Ennis. “You wanna say anything here, Ennis?”
Ennis cleared his throat. “Just, let’s try and keep our heads and enjoy the rest of the summer, huh? Foolish to spoil a good thing.”
The boys remained quiet, waiting to take their cue from Jack on what to do next.
“Today’s gonna be different, as you know,” Jack said. “Lots of fun and games and good stuff going on. It’d be reassuring for me and Ennis to know that you’re behaving well and not getting up to any mischief.”
“Not even if it means getting one over on the girls, Jack?” Scott asked with a glint in his eye. “Cause we got plans for ‘em.”
“Well, I guess we can’t expect you to be completely trouble-free for the whole day. Go on, I expect breakfast’ll be due about now.”
The boys began to file out of the cabin. Jack held Ryan back.
“Glad you apologised,” Jack said. “Didn’t want to have to haul you over to Howie’s office, especially not today.”
“Yeah, well I apologised, but don’t expect me to be friends or nothing.”
“I don’t expect that, but what I do expect is a bit of leeway where Justin is concerned. He’s having a hard enough time without you making it worse. And remember - if this happens again, we’ll ask Howie to deal with you. D’you understand?”
“I guess,” Ryan mumbled.
“Good. Now go on and join the others, we’ll be right behind you.”
When Ryan left, Ennis wondered if he should have said anything to Justin, but figured Justin probably wanted to forget the whole thing.
“What d’you make of his apology then? Think he meant it?” Jack was leaning against the door, watching Ennis.
“As much as anyone with a mind like his can mean anything.”
“Yeah, well, he knows he’s walking a tightrope, so let’s hope it reins him in some.”
Ennis nodded, and cleared his throat. “Handled that well, Jack.”
“Thanks. Never know if I‘m saying the right thing.”
“You do just fine.”
“All these compliments will go to my head, Ennis. You gotta be careful.” Jack pushed himself
off the door and moved towards Ennis.
“Don’t - look at me like that.”
“Can’t I look at you now?” Jack asked coyly.
“Not - like that. Not here. Not when I can’t do anything about it.”
“Well, I ain’t forgot what we said last night. About the making up you got to do.”
“I ain’t forgot neither. Was thinking on it most of last night.”
“Oh yeah? You gonna let me in on exactly what you were thinking?”
“Maybe. Tomorrow night.”
“You’re gonna drive me crazy. Dammit. We gotta go to breakfast.”
“I know. Ain’t hungry - for food, anyways.”
“Ennis….you gotta stop that. You talking to me that way is not helping me keep control a myself here.”
Ennis walked a few steps until he was almost nose to nose with Jack.
“Now you know what it’s like for me,” he said, with quiet intention. “When you talk to me the way you do, and look at me the way you do, and touch me the way you do.” Ennis drew his hand up Jack’s arm, stopping at his elbow. “Like that.” Ennis pressed his fingers harder. “That drives me crazy, Jack.”
Ennis heard Jack gulp. “Damn, kiss me Ennis, quick. No one’s here.”
“Can’t. I can’t.”
“Shit.” Jack walked away from Ennis, towards the bathroom. He disappeared.
Ennis stood there, waiting for Jack to reappear, but he didn’t. Ennis looked around the room, despite it being empty. He walked towards the bathroom, every step feeling like a mile. When he got there, Jack was leaning against the wall.
“Come here,” Jack whispered.
Ennis walked over, and Jack pulled on his shirt until their chests collided.
“Fuck, Jack, we can’t, not here….,” Ennis’s words were cut off by Jack’s mouth, hard and eager, leaving Ennis no chance to do much of anything other than to reciprocate. His mouth opened for Jack, and they kissed wildly as their hands touched as many places as they could reach. Ennis knew doing this here was wrong, in so many ways, but he couldn’t stop, he didn’t want to stop, and that was the problem, he knew he couldn’t start something because he wouldn’t want it to end.
He pulled away, leaving Jack panting and grabbing at Ennis’s shirt, enough to pull it out of the waistband of his jeans.
Ennis reluctantly grabbed Jack’s hand away.
“Jack, we can’t.” Ennis hated having to say it, but he had to try and get some kind of control of the situation.
“I know, but, I want you so bad,” Jack breathed, pushing his forehead against Ennis’s, trying to calm himself down.
“We got tomorrow, Jack,” Ennis said.
“Huh? How so? It may be my birthday but we won’t get a chance to be on our own.”
“Jack, I, I didn’t want to say this, it was gonna be a surprise, but - we got the night off.”
“You kidding me?” Jack’s eyes lit up.
“No. Jack, we got the whole night off. Together.”
“But - how, I mean, how did you….”
“Don’t matter how or what, all that matters is we’re gonna have a whole night together. So please, don’t hate me for stopping this now, but we can’t do this here, I don’t want to risk anything that might ruin what we’re gonna have tomorrow night. D’you understand?”
“Ennis….I understand. I always do this.”
“What?”
“Push you, but I can’t stop myself. I look at you and you say things and hell - I’m sorry.” Jack started pushing Ennis’s shirt back in his jeans. They looked at each other. Ennis touched Jack’s cheek with his finger.
“Tomorrow Jack. Think on that.”
“I will.”
They left the cabin and, not for the first time, Ennis wondered how he was able to control himself when all he wanted was to take Jack right there. These feelings were like nothing he had ever experienced or imagined, and he didn’t know how he was going to wait until tomorrow night.
---
The day passed as Ennis hoped. He wasn’t called on to participate in any foolish games, or dress up in silly clothes; there seemed to be an endless queue of staff who were happy enough to do just that, and that suited Ennis just fine.
The carnival atmosphere seemed to have a refreshing effect on the whole camp, with rules and routine on hold until tomorrow. Ennis felt pushed along with it. Not enough to dunk himself in cold water or trip himself up in a three-legged race, but he was happy to watch those who did.
Jack, of course, threw himself into everything. The number of campers who ran screaming with Jack to this game or that stall was endless, and Ennis could only smile and marvel at Jack’s never-ending supply of cheerfulness. Ennis wondered where Jack got it from, and why, if that was Jack’s natural way, Jack liked hanging around with him, because Ennis wasn’t that way. Yet Jack seemed to revel in Ennis’s company, and their late night encounters were as sacred and magical to Jack as they were to Ennis.
Ennis didn’t understand. What did Jack Twist see in him? He scuffed at the scorched grass as he pondered on it, momentarily losing sight and sound of the crowd around him. He wondered if what he had planned for Jack’s birthday would be enough for Jack, or would he want more? Ennis didn’t know, and didn’t think it was any good trying to guess.
When he saw a few of his regular wood shop campers approach him with devilish smiles, Ennis tried to think of a reason to make him move away right now. He looked around for Jack, but he was taking part in a game of pin the tail on the donkey. He spotted Simon, who was walking towards his truck. An idea came to Ennis’s mind and he made a run for it, hoping Simon would be willing to help and not ask too many questions.
----
“You see where Ennis went?” Jack asked, as he approached Meli, who was holding the fort at the face painting table.
“No, why, you missing him?” Meli said, fluttering her eyelashes.
“I saw him talking with Simon and then I lost sight of them.”
“Oh, now, that’s interesting. Maybe Ennis is planning to run away with Simon.”
“So why aren’t you upset if that’s the case?”
“Because I’ll still have you.” Meli kissed Jack on the cheek. Jack pretended to find it gross and wiped it off. He watched Meli paint a collection of butterflies on the face of one of the little campers. His eyes were fixed on what Meli was doing, but his mind was elsewhere.
He hadn’t seen much of Ennis all day, and was disappointed, as he’d hoped to spend most of it together, without alerting any suspicions that would freak Ennis out. But it hadn’t worked out that way, and so Jack was left with entertaining his army of fans that consisted of the youngest girls on the camp. He didn’t mind. He loved the Fourth of July and he loved making these kids smile.
Just wished it could have been Ennis he was making happy. He hoped he was. He thought he was. Ennis showing him the letter from KE was still on his mind, the true meaning of it still confusing, but at least Ennis was trying to let Jack know, in his own way, that Jack was someone special to him.
He still hadn’t figured out how that had happened; coming to camp and falling for a guy was probably the only thing on the “least likely to happen” part of his application. But here he was, lusting after Ennis, and wanting him, knowing how good it felt to kiss him and be kissed by him. He had no idea that it could be that way with a guy. How would he? He had no knowledge of such things. He only hoped his sometimes needy way of showing Ennis how he cared didn’t scare Ennis away. He wondered if it made him seem too much like a girl. He was no girl. He wanted Ennis to know that. Well, he knew, Ennis had touched him in all the right and good places and knew there was no girl hidden anywhere.
What they’d done in Meli’s room was something that he re-visited often in his mind, and he was still a little stunned that he’d not only let Ennis do it, but Ennis had wanted to. It had hurt some, but the pain disappeared when Ennis got to a certain spot deep inside him that made him see stars. Whenever he got to that bit in his thinking on it, he got hard. He imagined Ennis pushing in, strong and deep, leaning over him, moving like he knew the exact place he was reaching, knew the effect it would have on him. But how could Ennis know that? Is this what happened when you met the right person. You just knew?
“Earth calling lover boy, come in lover boy.” Meli was waving her paintbrush in front of his face. He had to shake his head to clear away the rush of thoughts that crammed his head, all of them with NC13 ratings. He saw that the little girl Meli had been painting was gone. He hadn’t even noticed her leaving.
“Where were you?” Meli asked.
Jack didn’t want to talk about it. He shrugged his shoulders, letting Meli know the subject wasn’t up for discussion.
“You meany,” she said, talking like one of the five year olds he was teaching to swim. “For that, I’m going to paint your face.”
“Oh no you are not,” Jack said firmly.
“Oh yes I am. If I don’t get to find out what’s in that dirty little head of yours, I can paint your face. It’s a fair trade I think. Now,” she said, looking at her book of face painting ideas. “What would you like? Flowers? Love hearts? Oh no, that’s too obvious. I know! A tiger…cause I bet you’re a tiger in be…..”
Jack cut her off by putting his hand over her mouth. She grabbed it and bit down hard. He snatched his hand away, howling at the bite she inflicted on him and went back to scowling at her.
“You try to stop me, you get bitten,” she said. “Now, where was I? Oh yes, a tiger? Or maybe a lion? Or would that be Ennis? Maybe he’d be a horse…a dark one.”
Meli was no longer looking at her book, just pretending to. Jack stood grimly with his arms folded, trying not to laugh.
“I’ve got it!” she screamed. “An E and J on either cheek…face cheek, I’m talking about, just so you’re clear. I may be gay friendly, but I‘m not that gay friendly.”
“Meli, just drop it, you’re funny okay, but I ain’t getting my face painted. Not today, not ever.”
“Spoil sport,” Meli said, glumly. “I think Ennis would be so made up to see you participating fully in this Very Important Ritual.”
“Oh, and how many Fourth of July celebrations have you joined in with? One? And I’ve had, oh it must be over twenty now, and I don’t think I ever saw anyone having to be forcibly held down to have their face painted.”
“You rumbled me, I just wanted to see what you looked like with paint on your face.”
“You freak.”
“Yeah, I know. It‘s a flaw, I‘m working on it.”
“I think you’d be wasting your time. A tiger can‘t change it‘s spots.”
“That would be a leopard, Jack.”
“Leopard, tiger, horse, what’s the difference?”
“You missed out lion. So is that what Ennis is, Jack? A lion?”
“I’ve changed my mind. You need to work on that flaw.”
“Oh come on, Jack, just give me a bit. A smidgeon. Just something to let me know that my guesses were right. Ennis is a wild one, isn’t he?”
“Can we talk about something else? It ain‘t nice to talk about someone when they ain‘t here to defend themselves.”
“Okay. I will.” Meli tapped her finger against her lip in mock contemplation.
“What is it with you?” Jack said, pulling on one of Meli’s ponytails. “Doesn’t Simon occupy enough of your thoughts that you have to think about other people?”
“It’s not that,” Meli said, suddenly serious. “It’s just - well, I can’t help it, I want everything to be good for you and Ennis, you know? I know how hard it must be, not being able to just be with each other, it would be hard for me. So I’m just making sure that things are good with you and Ennis. They are, right?”
“Yeah, Meli, they are. You know, you could have just asked that and I would have told you.”
“What? And miss out on you cringing at the idea of having E and J on your face? No way!”
“Ok, I get it. You had your bit of fun. Hey, you’ll be able to come out tomorrow night, right? Help celebrate my birthday?”
“What? And miss out on the celebration of the whole summer? You bet I’ll be there, with bells on. So what do you think Ennis got you?”
“He’s not getting me anything, I don’t expect it. I’m just glad, well, you know, that he’s here and - well, I don’t suppose it would hurt to tell you, but Ennis told me this morning that we got the night off together.”
“Oh yeah? Wow, that’s great Jack.”
“You knew already didn’t you? I can tell.”
“What? Oh ok, I did, but - don’t be mad at Ennis, it was important I knew. I can’t say any more than that, but believe me, you are going to understand come tomorrow night. You’re not mad are you?”
“No, I just don’t know what’s going on. But I expect it’s all good, right? I mean, me and Ennis having the night off together is something I didn’t think would happen. We’ve only had that one night alone in your room and that was only a couple of hours. So this is, well this is going to be something else.”
“I am so happy for you, but I think you know that already. And I promise I won’t tell Ennis that you were almost tempted to have E&J painted on your face. Cross my heart.”
“Gee thanks Meli, you’re a pal.”
--
The day ended with celebrations by the lake, with Howie and Bob and other staff setting up the firework displays, Jack in charge of the barbeque, and Ennis getting some fires going.
With the sun setting over the tranquil lake, and the fireflies and crickets coming out to see what was going on, Ennis marvelled, not for the first time, at the wonderful land the camp rested on. The sense of freedom he felt here was immense; his lungs expanded as he took in the strong and potent fragrances of the night air, and his ears buzzed with the hum of the low and calm chatter that surrounded him.
He took it all in as he rubbed stone and wood together, waiting for the fire to ignite. He felt the loss of Jack’s usual whoop of joy as the flames took hold. He listened out for Jack’s voice as it drifted towards him. He pretended to be busy with the fire, when in fact he was letting Jack’s voice bounce inside him, and he lost count of how many times his heart skipped a beat when he heard Jack say “Ennis.”
He looked up to see Jack talking animatedly to Bob, his eyes focused on his boss, his hands joining in the conversation as if they were a third person taking on a life of their own. He tried not to look too long, in case anyone would notice. But the dark hair, the lean body and the lilting voice drew him back so many times he felt like his neck was going to pull.
And Jack’s eyes. Even in the dim twilight, Jack’s blue eyes sparkled like ocean-coloured shooting stars. He felt his hands sweat, and he rubbed them together, giving him something to do. Jack locked eyes with him and smiled, hitching his head to indicate he wanted Ennis to join him. Ennis looked around, expecting all eyes to be on them, waiting to see what Ennis would do. But no one was looking. He stood up and moved awkwardly over to Jack, and Bob turned to welcome Ennis into the conversation.
“Great skills you got there, mate,” Bob said, patting Ennis on the shoulder, “If ever I take a trip in the bush, I’ll be calling on you for some survival tips.” Bob laughed good-naturedly and Ennis smiled, feeling flushed and embarrassed.
Jack smiled at Ennis. The smile was so strong and it seemed to hit so many nerves in Ennis’s body, he didn’t know which one to think about first.
“Just comes natural to him, don’t it, Ennis?” Jack was saying, looking first at him and then back at Bob.
“I guess,” Ennis mumbled.
“A bit like you and swimming,” Bob offered. “You know, Ennis, he’s one of the best swimming counselors I’ve ever had working for me, and I’ve been doing this job for fifteen long years.”
Ennis felt a glow of pride beam inside as he looked at Jack. He knew that Bob was speaking plainly; there was no reason to say what wasn’t true. It was good for Jack to hear that from Bob, so Jack would know that he was valued and his hard work was not going unnoticed.
“Well, that’s some praise I’d say,” Ennis said, fixing his eyes on Jack as he said it.
“Yep, well, I only say it as I see it,” Bob said. “Which is why I’m giving him the afternoon off tomorrow.”
“What? I don’t…” Jack said, flustered.
“You deserve it, Jack. I hope you have a good birthday.”
“I - I don’t know what to say.”
“Thanks would be a start,” Bob laughed. “Just have fun.” Bob walked away, leaving Jack with his mouth open.
“You’d better close that, Jack,” Ennis said, “or you’ll be having mosquitoes for supper.”
“Did you know about that?” Jack said, pointing to Bob’s departing back.
“I ain’t the boss of Bob, why would I know?” Ennis shrugged his shoulders, trying not to make a big thing of a very big thing.
“I figure you know a lot - and most of that you ain’t telling me. I gotta be worried?”
“Worried? The fact it’s your 21st birthday and you got the afternoon and night off? Yeah, Jack you gotta be real worried.”
“Jesus, Ennis, first you turn into Mr Smooth Operator, and then you surprise me again and do a turn as the King of Comedy. Are you sure you’re Ennis del Mar?”
“Last time I looked.”
“And where were you looking? Precisely?”
“Jack….”
“Ennis…”
“Stop it.”
“Okay. Sorry. That was…below the belt.” Ennis followed Jack’s eyes as they travelled below Ennis’s belt, and back up again, until they locked with his. Jack’s teasing smirk made Ennis giddy.
“Jack fuckin Twist,” Ennis murmured under his breath.
“At your service…or I will be, tomorrow night.”
Ennis’s reply was cut off by Howie announcing the start of the fireworks. Everyone cheered and hollered, and Ennis watched as the fireworks took to the bruise-beaten sky, rocketing high and exploding in an array of cascading colours, like a kaleidoscopic dance of shooting stars.
Ennis felt Jack’s strong presence beside him. He knew Jack was leaning into him, letting him know things. He wanted more than he could say to reach out and entwine his fingers with Jack’s. Their arms and shoulders brushing now and then would have to do. Until tomorrow.
xxxxxxx