Middle of Nowhere - Chapter 10
Title: Middle of Nowhere
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by Annie Proulx. I make no money from this and don't want to.
Thanks: To smilesalot. Thank you, Em, for all your help, as always. Particularly at this time.
Feedback: Oh yes please!! I appreciate every word.
Chapter 10
Ennis woke up to the sound of running water. He rubbed his eyes and looked over to Jack’s bed, which was empty. He blinked a couple of times to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Jack never woke up before Ennis.
He sat up and saw some of the boys were awake but still in bed, talking low. He could hear distant voices coming from the bathroom, but none of them were Jack’s. He put on his jeans, and noticed part of Jack’s t-shirt peeking out from underneath his pillow. He pushed it back quickly and walked to the bathroom, stopping at the door.
Jack was leaning over the wash basin, washing his face. Ennis stared as if in a trance, tracing the curves of Jack’s strong and muscular back with his eyes, as though he were touching Jack with his fingers. He remembered what Jack’s back had looked like the night before, as he had leaned over, grabbed his hips and entered him.
Jack stood back up and brushed his fingers through his wet hair, spotting Ennis through the mirror. Their eyes locked and his stomach dropped from Jack’s intense stare. A slow measure of a smile crept up on Jack’s face, and Ennis couldn’t help but smile too. He knew those smiles held their shared secret.
“Mornin’ Ennis,” Jack said.
“Mornin’,” Ennis replied, trying not to look too hard at Jack’s body. His mouth felt dry and his body was trembling. The heat travelling through him was not just due to the steam from the shower room.
“Here,” Jack said, walking towards him. “Use this towel to wash up.”
Jack pushed the towel he’d been holding into Ennis’s bare chest; Jack’s fingers landing softly but deliberately on his skin, using the towel as a cover to conceal the tender touch. Jack gave him a brief but knowing glance as he walked into the cabin. Then Jack was gone, leaving Ennis to grab hold of the towel before it fell to the floor. He was thankful he was leaning against a solid wall. His legs had gone to jelly.
He forced himself to move away from the wall to wash his face, letting the icy cold water wake him up, relishing the chill and the slap in the face it brought to him. Only seconds in Jack’s presence and he forgot himself. After what happened the night before, it was sure to only get worse.
--
Jack was enjoying the morning sun by the lake. He dipped his foot in the glistening water and soaked in the silence around him.
The first swim lesson was yet to start, so it gave him a chance to ensure everything was set up for the day. Since giving Jack added responsibility, Bob allowed him more control over the waterfront, and he tried to arrive before anyone else, leaving Bob to invest more time in the administrative side of his job.
Jack was proud of the trust Bob placed in him. He knew there was an ocean-sized difference between Bob’s work ethic and his Daddy’s, but still felt sad and disillusioned that he could never get his Daddy’s praise or thanks for work he did. Bob would always remember to thank the team members for their hard work, but Jack could never remember a single word of thanks to come out of his own Daddy’s mouth. No wonder he hated the son of a bitch.
Bob was a firm but fair boss, and rewarded hard work with high praise. He worked hard, and expected others to do the same. He didn’t like people who shied away from work, and didn’t think twice about reprimanding members of the team who did not carry their fair share of the load. Jack had seen that side of Bob on a few occasions, and it wasn’t a pretty sight.
Jack’s only concern about his newly elevated post was how the other team members treated him. He didn’t want it to affect the way they worked together. He accepted Bob’s offer because no one had ever trusted him enough with anything to give him something this important before. He didn’t want to let Bob down, or disappoint him. When he talked to Ennis about it, Ennis would say the kindest, sweetest things to make him feel better. Ennis had a way of making him feel ten feet tall.
He knew he was probably worrying over nothing, just like Ennis told him. Even Cindy’s attitude didn’t bother him much. She still continued to insult him. Talking calmly to her didn’t seem to work. He had considered talking to Steve about it. Steve and Cindy were a well known couple on camp now, and yet she still insisted on giving Jack a hard time. He didn’t understand it.
Thankfully, he had better things to think about. As he stood by the lake, watching the gentle ripples of water lap at the shore, he thought about the night before, and all that had happened. He felt different, but in a good way. Ennis’s t-shirt was a keepsake of that night - something solid to hold on to, to prove it was all true.
Seeing Ennis earlier that morning had sent Jack’s heart into orbit. Jack had wanted to push Ennis against the wall and kiss him hard. He was turned on thinking about it. Touching Ennis’s skin, even briefly, was enough to make him yearn to be alone again with Ennis. Jack found it increasingly hard to cope with being in Ennis’s presence and not being able to reach out and stroke his arm, or brush his fingers through his hair, or kiss him, or….
Jack shook his head forcefully, trying to shake the images out of his head. He turned and saw the first group of the day huddled together, chatting and smiling excitedly. Jack smiled back, momentarily putting Ennis to the corner of his mind where he always kept his special thing.
---
Ennis peered out of the workshop window, catching a glimpse of Jack by the lake. The temptation sometimes proved too much, no matter how much he tried to fight it. He could see Jack was busy, instructing a group of young campers. All the kids loved Jack, but the youngest ones were putty in his hands, squealing like newborn kittens at anything Jack did or said.
Jack had a great way with the kids, knowing exactly how to reassure the ones who weren’t too sure of getting in the water, and encouraging the ones who had a natural affinity with it. He was able to bring out the best in everyone. No wonder Bob thought highly of him. It was no surprise to Ennis.
Ennis turned away from the window, and a glance at the clock told him the class was nearly over. He was relieved. The oldest campers were not always the easiest class to teach, some enjoyed contradicting him or acting like they knew more about woodwork than he did. His patience was often tested, especially with Ryan and Scott, who liked to fool around, thinking that having Ennis as their counselor gave them an advantage over the other kids in the class.
“Class is nearly over,“ Ennis announced. “You need to finish up and clear any mess.” Ennis hated mess, and always insisted the kids cleaned up their own because he rarely had time to clear his before the next group of kids came in. But he had a break after this class, something he was keeping to himself.
“Hey Ennis,” Ryan shouted across the workshop. “When we’re done making bird tables, what about us making somethin’ more interestin‘?”
“Oh yeah?” Ennis replied, smirking. “And what d’you have in mind?”
“Well, Scott and me were wonderin’ about maybe a nice figure of a woman.”
“A wooden woman? What good would that be?” Ennis asked, acting ignorant.
“Well, it’d be a hella lot better than a birdhouse, that’s for sure! Come on Ennis, you could give us hints on how to make all the right curves and shapes. I figured you’d know all about this stuff, since you’re older and you’ve probably been around some.” Ryan winked at Ennis, clearly enjoying the trouble he was giving Ennis.
“I think we’ll stick with birdhouses and toolboxes for now.” Ennis said curtly. “Anything more tricky might cause an accident.”
Ryan looked insulted and Scott had got bored and was talking to someone else. Ennis didn’t know what Ryan’s plan had been, but he was sure it wasn’t good. He had a feeling about Ryan, he couldn’t work out why, but he always sensed Ryan watching him. It made him feel uneasy. He knew Ryan was still wary of Jack after what had happened with Cindy, but Cindy was with Steve now, so he thought all that was old news.
“You get to do good stuff, Ennis, why can’t we?” Ryan said, folding his arms stubbornly.
“Such as?” Ennis was feeling impatient. Ryan was like a dog with a bone.
“Well, what about that thing you’re working on, why can’t we do something like that?”
Ennis instinctively went for the bag with the object in question in it. “Because it’s not simple woodwork. It’s a difficult piece to make, Ryan, it would take too long to teach you all and I don’t have that time.”
“What you working on it for? Is it a gift?”
“It’s….it’s just something I’m working on, like a project. Something to test me.” Just like you’re doing, Ennis thought.
“You gonna show us when you’re finished?”
Ennis sighed, wanting to throw the bone as far as he could, preferably in the lake. “Doubt I’ll be finished before the end of the summer.” Ennis looked at his watch, the conversation over as far as he was concerned. Whatever Ryan had a bug bear about, it wasn’t something Ennis wanted to get into.
As Ennis started putting stuff away, he saw Justin walk over to him, with the project he’d been working on.
“How’s it goin‘?” Ennis asked. Justin held the object out to Ennis for inspection.
“Okay, I guess. I think I’ve finished, you think it‘s alight?” Justin asked uncertainly, in the same quiet voice he asked everything. Ennis knew Justin needed lots of reassurance generally, not just over this.
“Well, now, let’s see.” Ennis took the CD rack from Justin and placed it on the counter. He recalled Justin telling him about this idea. It was going to be for his sister Robyn, she could have it in hospital and then take it home with her when she was ready to leave.
“This is good, Justin. Real good.” Ennis meant it. Justin had worked quietly and diligently on it every day, and had hardly asked Ennis for help, although he always accepted whatever advice Ennis offered. Ennis had left Justin alone for most of the time as it was clear to him that Justin liked to work alone. He knew how that went.
“You think she’ll like it?” Justin asked hopefully.
“I’m sure she will. You took a lot time on this, and it shows.”
“I was thinking of varnishing it, maybe adding a bit of colour. She loves red. What do you think?”
“Sure, why not? It’s a great gift.” Justin’s face lit up and Ennis was glad. He rarely saw Justin smile.
“What’s your next activity?” Ennis asked.
“Swimming. We’re practicing for the swimming gala we got next week.”
“Yeah? Sounds good.”
“Hey, why don’t you come to that?” Justin’s eyes lit up as the idea came to him. “I’m sure it’d be okay, Jack wouldn’t mind, it would be great for you to be there, you being our counselor and all.”
“Well,…..” Ennis suddenly felt tongue-tied from the mention of Jack. “We’ll see.”
“Yeah? Well, okay. We’re doing some practising now. You got time to come down to the waterfront to watch us?”
“Um, I’m, er, gotta …..,” Ennis trailed off as he saw Justin’s eyes light up eagerly.
“Please Ennis, just for five minutes, there’s no one waiting to come in, you ain't got a class now, right?”
Shit. Ennis felt pushed into a corner. He couldn’t not go, he could tell Justin wanted him there. He could just go down there for five minutes, focus completely on anything and everything except Jack. He could do that.
“Just for a few minutes then.”
“Great!” Justin’s smile was worth so much to Ennis, he knew he was doing the right thing.
-----
Jack was helping little Louisa swim the whole of the lane. She was struggling, but determined to do it unaided. This was the first time she’d swam in the lake without her water wings.
“Come on, girl, you can do it!” Jack chanted as he watched the little one. “Just a few more strokes, and you’re there, girl. Come on!” Jack kept up his enthusiastic cheering as she kept her head above water and flapped her arms with a look of fierce determination Jack knew only too well. This would mean the world to her if she got to the end without help. He could see her beginning to flag, but didn’t want to jump in unless he had to.
Jack looked up for a second and caught sight of Ennis and a few of the older boys heading over to the waterfront. Ennis never came by, so this was an unexpected joy, and a wonderful surprise. His heart fluttered as he watched Ennis scan the area, searching for Jack. When Ennis’s eyes landed on him, Jack smiled widely. He was far enough away not to attract too much attention. Ennis returned the smile ten-fold, and that alone was enough to make Jack want to run over and hug him. The crazy way his feelings were darting all over the place, he was surprised he didn’t do a cartwheel, too.
Jack looked back at the water just as Louisa struggled and went under. Within a second Jack was in the lake, diving in without a moment’s hesitation.
“Hang on girl, I’m coming to get ya!” Jack swam fast, within a few strokes he was grabbing hold of Louisa about the waist, making sure her head was clearly above water. Louisa was gasping for breath, clinging on to Jack tightly, restricting Jack‘s ability to swim. He tried to swim the few lengths back to the edge with one arm, the other holding Louisa tightly. Everyone had stopped what they were doing and were watching the drama unfold.
When they got to the edge, Louisa started crying.
“Hey girl, you’re okay, let’s get you out of the water.” Jack indicated to Steve, who grabbed Louisa while Jack hauled himself out. He knelt down in front of Louisa and held her until she had stopped crying. Louisa leant her head onto Jack’s shoulder, arms held round his neck, her breathing coming slow and steady.
“You gave me a scare there, little one!” Jack said, his smile a shield to hide his own upset and concern that Louisa might be too scared to not want to get back in the water. Jack knew it was important that the fear didn’t linger too long.
“I tried, Jack, I wanted to get to the end, but my arms got tired.” Louisa was sad and Jack was kind of relieved. At least she wasn’t talking about being scared of the water.
“Yeah, well, those little arms of yours just need to grow some more. Maybe we need to just get you back with the water wings for a short while, what do you say? We can try again without them in a couple a weeks?”
“Will you come in the water again with me, Jack, cause I like it when you come in the water with me?”
“Sure I will, try and stop me. I like nothing more than playing splash with my favourite girl.” The tears had dried and she was now back to the giggly, gorgeous little girl that Jack adored.
Jack was trying his hardest not to let his worry show. He kicked himself for being too busy looking at Ennis to notice that Louisa was in distress. He should have jumped in the water even before she‘d shouted out. He looked over and saw Ennis, who was stood next to Justin and, like everyone else, had been watching the drama unfold. Jack could tell from Ennis’s face that he was worried too.
Jack arranged for Louisa to go back to her cabin with Suzanne, another waterfront team member. All the other kids had left once they saw Louisa was fine. Jack gave her one last hug and then she was gone. Jack walked over to Ennis, never taking his eyes off him.
“Hey,” Jack said, looking at Ennis and Justin in turn. “Justin? You wanna get changed and get in your team for the gala practice?” Justin nodded and walked away, leaving Jack alone with Ennis.
“You ain’t gotta say nothin’ Ennis, I know it was my fault….” Jack started.
“Huh?” Ennis looked genuinely confused with Jack’s words.
“I was looking at you,” Jack said. “I was so shocked to see you there, I took my eyes and mind off what I was meant to be doing, which was making sure Louisa was okay.“
“Jesus, Jack, that ain’t your fault. You didn’t know I was gonna be here, and Louisa wasn’t in danger, not real danger. Even if you hadn’t jumped in, there were enough people around who would’ve kept her from drowning.“
“I guess.” Jack wasn’t convinced. He still felt sick about it. “But it was my responsibility, and I messed up. Bob‘s gonna grill me over this.” He hated looking like he couldn’t do his job, but he was so used to be being punished by his Daddy for never being good enough, he expected the same here.
“Jack,” Ennis said, and at that, Jack looked up. "Listen to me. Are you listening?" Ennis was looking at him intently, clearly wanting to make sure Jack was paying attention. Jack nodded.
“Don’t beat yourself up about this. Louisa’s okay, you got in there and brought her out of the water, safely. That’s your job too. It was something that was over before it started. You know that no one will beat you up about this, least of all Bob.”
“My Daddy would if he was here,” Jack said sadly. He looked at Ennis again, wanting so badly to be alone with him. He didn’t want to think about his old man, but he could see his angry face and hear his raised voice no matter what Ennis was telling him. He wondered if he was using the excuse of Ennis being there as a way of shifting the blame around. Maybe his Daddy was right. Maybe he was a no-good fool, fit for nothing.
“Jack,” Ennis’s voice was soft, and Jack melted at the sound. “Your Daddy ain’t here. And Bob ain’t your daddy. Bob knows how hard you work.”
“Thanks, Ennis. Just not good at accepting when people say I’m good at something. Not used to it.”
“Well, get used to it.“ Ennis said with a gentle smile.
Jack returned the smile with one as coy and flirty as he could muster in the circumstances.
“Jesus,” Ennis said, low. Ennis looked around, and then back at Jack. “Wish we weren’t here. Knew the minute I saw you I’d lose it. Justin wouldn’t let it go, kept on at me to come down here. Could hardly say no, could I?”
“Glad you didn’t, friend,” Jack said, his heart racing. “Could hardly believe my eyes, seeing you standing there, watching me. Forgot where I was for a second.“ Jack leaned in slightly, making the shift seem as casual as possible.
“I gotta get back now Ennis, but do me a favour? Get that mind a yours workin’ on when we can get together again. Last night was amazing. I want it again - and soon.“
“Damn, Jack, quit talking like that. How am I supposed to concentrate on anythin‘ now?”
“You’re not.” Jack said, walking away. He left Ennis muttering “Jack fuckin’ Twist”, like he’d heard Ennis mutter many times before.
--
Before dinner, there was a knock at the cabin door. It opened, and Meli peered in. “Anyone home?”
Ennis looked up from the letter he was writing, and smiled.
“Just me,” he said, putting the pen and paper down and standing up. “The boys are having a splash around in the lake and Jack should be here any minute. What’s up?”
“I just saw Jack, told him Howie wants to see you both. Thought I’d come over and tell you myself.”
“He wants to see us now?”
“Yeah, can you come? I’ll walk back with you.”
“Er, yeah, sure.” Ennis was flustered, not sure what to do. He pushed the pen and paper under his pillow, grabbed his baseball cap and walked out the door. He instinctively looked around to see any sign of Jack, but there was none.
“So, you know what Howie wants us for?” Ennis asked, worry all over his voice.
“No, but it won’t be nothing bad, Ennis, so stop worrying. Howie’s in a good mood, he’s been playing the soundtrack from Les Miserables today.”
“And that’s a good thing?” Ennis asked, confused.
“Oh yeah,” Meli said, enthusiastically. “He knows all the words to that one.”
Ennis tugged on a thumbnail as he got closer to the office. He began thinking of all the things that Howie could want them for. He started on harmless things at first, but his mind kept creeping back to Howie somehow knowing that they had spent hours out of their cabin and in Meli’s room.
He could hardly look at Meli, feeling sick with worry, and wishing Jack was there. The more he thought, the more sick he felt. He cursed himself for allowing Jack to talk him into going to Meli’s room. The fact that Meli knew what they wanted the room for made him want to turn around and lock himself in his cabin, and never come out. It was bad enough he had these feelings, it was even worse that he had somehow allowed someone else be aware of it too.
“Ennis, you are going to gnaw your thumb off if you keep that up,” Meli said, laughing. “This is just a guess, but are you nervous?”
Ennis could hardly speak, he was so distressed. Meli pulled on Ennis’s arm, looking serious.
“Ennis, I’m not going to ask you about last night, if that’s what you’re worried about, and I haven’t mentioned it to anyone else. Not even Simon. It’s nobody’s business but yours.”
“Don’t wanna talk about that.” Ennis said shortly. Meli looked hurt, but Ennis couldn’t help that.
“Alright,” Meli said softly. “You know, you remind me of my brother.”
“Huh?” Ennis said, confused by the sudden change in subject.
“He’s deep and thoughtful, like you,“ she said. “He’s also got the same taste in men as you.” Meli carried on walking, leaving Ennis looking at her as if she had just grown two heads.
“My brother says I have good gaydar, considering I’m straight.” Meli was talking as if they were discussing the weather. Ennis was waiting for the bolt of lightening to strike him down.
“He might have a point, because I knew pretty much straightaway that you and Jack were attracted to each other,“ Meli went on. “Me being attracted to you was a slight problem, but we managed to get through that, and with a little push here and shove there, you got the right person in the end.”
Ennis knew Meli was trying to reassure him that everything was okay. But with the worry of what Howie was going to say, on top of Meli had some kind of radar device he’d never heard of that told her that he was attracted to Jack, even before he knew it himself….this was a little too much for him. If Jack hadn’t been running across the field towards them just then, he thought he might have thrown up.
“Hey Ennis, wait for me!” Jack called, as they just got to the office. He was out of breath.
“I’ll go in and see if Howie can see you now,” Meli said, looking at Jack as he bent over, with hands on his knees. “Why don’t you hang out here for a bit, get some fresh air. It looks like you both need it.”
When Meli went into the office, Jack looked up at Ennis.
“Jesus Ennis, you look like you’ve seen a ghost! What’s up?”
“Whaddya mean, what’s up? We’re about to be fired, that’s what’s up!”
“Wha….” Jack stood up then, his lack of breath suddenly forgotten. “How do you know that, did Meli say somethin?”
“Oh she said a lot! Girl can’t seem to stop saying something. Most of it I’d need deciphering by the FBI, but come on Jack, it doesn’t take a genius to work it out. Someone must a seen us leaving the infirmary last night and told Howie. And besides that, we left our cabin unattended, so that’s a firing offence right away. “
“Whoa, cowboy, slow down. Firstly, we don’t know what Howie wants us for, and I didn’t see a soul when I left the infirmary, and as far as I’m aware, you didn’t either.”
“Yeah, well just cause we didn’t see anyone, doesn’t mean to say there was no one around, watching us!”
“Jesus, Ennis, now you’re being paranoid!”
“I ain’t! Meli knows what we were doing, so why not anyone else?”
“Meli knows cause it was her room we were in, and she offered it to us! Jesus, did you saw your brain in half in your workshop today or somethin‘ Ennis, cause I swear, you ain’t making a bit a sense!”
“I just don’t like the thought of anyone knowing what we were doing last night.”
“Well, it’s not like we’re gonna be telling anyone and Meli promised she wouldn’t. I trust her Ennis, and I thought you did too. What’s with you today?”
“I just know Howie is gonna fire us, and how ’s that gonna look huh? What am I gonna tell KE? I got fired for spending the night in a double bed, and it wasn’t with no girl? He’d shoot me before letting me back in his house.”
“Ennis, you have got to calm down. We can’t talk about this now, not here. I got a feeling it’s not even gonna be about that anyhow.”
“Well, what else could it be?”
“I think he might be getting ready to reprimand me for what happened with Louisa today.”
“Well, why would he want me here if he was gonna do that? Huh?”
“You were a witness,” Jack said, but knew that his theory was as weak as Ennis’s.
“So were about thirty other people if you hadn’t noticed. And like I told you this morning, you got the situation under control. Bob didn’t reprimand you did he?
“Well, no, but….”
“’Well no but’ nothin‘. It won’t be about that Jack, so you can stop your worrying.”
“Oh okay, but you can carry on worrying about something that ain’t gonna happen either?”
“Yeah, well, my theory makes more sense.”
“It makes a heap a shit sense, Ennis and you know it. There’s gotta be another explanation.”
Ennis stopped talking, going back to chewing the thumb nail that he always tugged on when he was anxious.
“Ennis, stop it.” Jack looked at him. Ennis knew Jack was trying to be calm. “Please, stop doing that, you’re gonna bleed.”
“Can’t help it, always done it, can’t stop.”
“I know Ennis, but I hate it when you do it.“
Just then, the door opened again and Meli popped her head out.
“Howie can see you now. Hey Jacky, I heard about the drama at the waterfront this morning. You are quite the hero.”
Ennis leant over to whisper in Jack’s ear. “See, I told you it wouldn’t be about that. Everyone thinks you did a good job.”
“We’ll see,” Jack said, following Ennis and Meli into the office.
“Hey you guys,” Meli said. “When you come out you can collect the post for your cabin. It just came in. And there are quite a few nice looking care packages in there. I’m sure I could smell cherries.”
“Anything for me?” Jack asked.
“Yeah, there was in fact. How did you know?”
“That’ll be my momma’s cherry cake. She’s the queen at making cherry cakes.”
“Well, be sure to save me a piece. I love cherry cakes. Although you do know that we are not officially meant to have food sent to us on camp,” Meli said, sounding like an automated voice, but winking at the same time.
“I seem to remember something about that in the stuff we got sent before coming here,” Ennis said, trying to not look at Howie’s door.
“But of course, being in the office,” Meli went on. “I get to see the post as it comes in. I can always keep certain care packages to one side, you know, for safe keeping.”
“I hear you, “Jack said, winking back. “Ennis get anything in the post?”
“He did, a postcard, not that I read it or anything, but it was from someone called Alma.”
“Alma?” Jack said, looking at Ennis. Ennis had to think hard to get back to the conversation in hand.
“It’s no one Jack, just someone from back home.”
“Is that so? Just no one?” Jack said his voice thick with sarcasm.
“Anyway, “Meli interrupted, sensing trouble brewing. “The music’s stopped so that’s my cue to tell you Howie can see you now! Off you go.“ Ennis knocked on the door, looked at Jack with dread and opened the door.
---
“Thanks for coming in guys, take a seat.” Howie indicated for them to sit down. Jack sat down and waited for Ennis to sit beside him. Instead Ennis sat on the chair on the other side of Howie. Jack shook his head slightly, baffled at Ennis’s paranoia. There was nothing he could do about it now.
“Heard about what happened today Jack.” Howie said, his voice sombre. “Everything okay now? Louisa not put off water for life I hope?”
“No sir, she was fine, just a little shaken up by the experience.”
“That’s good. Bob has total faith in you and the rest of the waterfront team, and I’m of the same feeling. Good work.” Howie sounded sincere and Jack was relieved.
“Anyway, I wanted to ask you guys how you feel Justin’s setting in.” Ennis’s face was a picture. Howie might as well have asked Ennis to sing his favourite song from a musical, he was so shocked. Jack felt deep relief for Ennis, knowing the state that Ennis had got himself into.
“Well, Sir, he seems just fine,” Ennis said, his voice constricted.
“You think he’s making friends?”
“Sure,“ Jack said, “he hangs around with Michael mostly, right Ennis? They get on just fine. He doesn’t tend to mix much with the louder ones, such as Ryan and Scott, but that doesn’t seem to bother him none.”
“That’s real good. He ever talk about his sister?”
“Hardly ever,” Ennis said, his voice returning to normal. “He showed me something he’d made in the workshop today, told me it was for her. He seemed glad when I told him it was a real good piece of work.”
“I spoke with his parents yesterday, to ask how he was getting on. They told me he’d taken a bit of a shine to you Ennis, in a manner of speaking. He seems to enjoy your company and listens to what you say. Would you say that was the case?”
“Don’t know about that, he listens to Jack in much the same way. It isn’t just me.”
“I’d disagree,” Jack interrupted, wanting Howie to know the level of respect Justin had for Ennis. “I’ve seen the way Justin is with Ennis. He does tend to hold him in high regard.”
“Wouldn’t go that far,” Ennis said, embarrassed. He sunk lower in the chair, and with the cap pulled low over his face, he was hardly visible. Probably the way he wanted it, Jack thought.
“That’s the feeling I’ve got too Jack,“ Howie agreed. “I wonder if you could do something for me?” Howie was addressing both of them, but Jack sensed this request was mainly for Ennis.
“Get him to talk about his sister, and about what happened. His parents feel it’s something he’s holding back and they think that he’d tell you. The guilt’s eating him up. Some of the letters he’s sent them have been a little…disturbing.”
“How so? If you mind me asking,” Jack asked curiously.
“He talks about feeling guilty and why he didn’t get injured. That he deserves to be injured in some way. They worry that by not talking about it, he’ll never deal with it. He may seem okay on the outside, he’s clearly not on the inside.”
“So what do you want us to do exactly?” Jack asked, feeling a little out of his depth. He didn’t know he had the understanding or patience to get to the bottom of Justin’s pain.
“Just keep an extra eye on him. His parents feel that he’s getting a lot out of being here, but they worry too. They’re glad that he feels so taken with you, Ennis, and want to take advantage of that. If that’s okay with you, of course.”
“I guess so,” Ennis mumbled. “Don’t know how I can help. Not much good with talking myself.”
“You just need to listen mostly. You seem to be doing a great job already.”
Jack and Ennis sat there, waiting for Howie to say something more.
“That’s it guys, unless there’s something you want to talk to me about?”
“Er, no, Sir, there ain't a thing,” Jack replied, realising that Ennis would want to get out of there as fast as possible.
“Good, well, see you around camp. If this gets too much for you, come to me. I know it’s a lot to ask. But you both seem to be doing real well in all aspects of the camp, and I’m real grateful to you for that.”
“Yessir.” Jack felt a huge weight of relief flood over him when they left the office, feeling it more for Ennis than for himself.
“Told you,” Jack said. Ennis didn’t say anything, just smiled wanly, like he’d just been through a major interrogation with the police.
“All okay?” Meli asked.
“Yeah, nothing, just cabin stuff,” Jack said vaguely.
“There, didn’t I tell you, Ennis?” Meli said. Ennis just nodded.
“Here’s your post. And here’s your care package, Jack. You should be grateful you have me as a friend, not everyone’s getting their care packages.”
“Why not?”
“Because Howie doesn’t like the kids getting sweets sent through the post.”
“So what happens to those packages?”
“Those nasty, naughty squirrels get in and eat them all,” Meli said, and Jack could tell she was lying.
“And Beavers?” Jack suggested.
“Yes, them too. Before you know it, they are all gone.”
“Poor kids.”
“Yeah, poor, little rich brats, sorry, nice lovely kids. Don’t know how they will survive.”
“Come on Ennis, I wanna open my care package before the squirrels get at it. See you later Meli.”
“Bye boys, be careful now. About your cherry cake I mean.”
--
Later that night, Ennis sat on the porch, waiting for Jack. Jack had been trying to hide the package from the boys, but they’d sniffed out the cherry cake as soon as he got there, so had to hand out pieces of it to them all. Jack didn’t mind, he liked passing round what was good, most times. He was happy to pass on the news to his momma that the cherry cake was a rousing success. When Jack finally came outside, he was holding two small pieces of the cake.
“That’s all that was left?” Ennis asked, taking the piece from Jack and eating it.
“Yeah, had to cut it up in real small pieces to make sure everyone got a bite.”
“This is real good, Jack,“ Ennis said, between bites. “Damn, never had a cherry cake like it.”
“Your momma ever make cakes?”
“Sure, but not often cherry cake. She liked the little ones, you know with butter cream inside and icing on top? They were her speciality.”
“Sound nice.”
“Yeah, they were.” They munched on the cake in silence, until Jack touched Ennis’s boot with his own, causing Ennis to look up at him.
“You okay? After all your worrying about what Howie was gonna say?”
“Guess, just got me thinking is all.”
“Yeah? What about?” Jack wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
“Don’t like people knowing, Jack. Don’t look at me like that, I know Meli is a good friend and I believe her when she says she hasn’t told no one. Just wish she didn't have to know in the first place.”
“And leave us with nowhere to go? You regret last night?”
“Course not. You know that’s not what I mean.”
“I don’t think I do. Ennis, this is a crazy situation, the craziest I could imagine myself ever getting involved in. But I’m in it, and I ain’t backing out. I never know from one minute to the next when I’m gonna be with you again, and that is the hardest part of it. But I don’t regret it. Just wish it could be easier.”
“Yeah, easier would be good.” Ennis said. “Look, this whole thing, it just gets all messed up in my head if I think on it too long. And wondering what Howie was gonna say, well, yeah, I got to thinking on it too long. I can’t help it, it’s what I do. Think and wallow in worry. KE says I could worry for the whole state of Wyoming. “
“Now that I can imagine. KE seems to know you pretty well.”
“Yeah, guess he does.”
“How well does Alma know you?”
“Now Jack, I told you…”
“I know what you told me. Alma was someone you dated and now it’s over. Just wondered why you ain’t mentioned her before, is all.”
“Cause there was nothing to mention. It didn’t last long and didn’t go nowhere. Felt that it wasn’t right, leading her on like that. Told her I was coming here and it was probably best for her to find someone else, someone to treat her right.”
“Seems that someone is you.”
“Nah, she probably was just curious to see what I was up to. She must have got the address from KE.”
“And are you? Curious about what she’s doin?”
“No. I ain’t thought on her once, not until I got this postcard. Not had much chance to think of anyone else lately.”
“Is that so?” Jack said.
“Yeah, that’s so.”
“Well.” Jack said. “Good.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Did you leave anyone behind?”
“Except my momma and daddy, you mean?”
“I think you know what I mean, Jack Twist.”
“No Ennis, I left no one behind. And I don’t wanna leave no one behind when I leave here.”
Ennis didn’t say anything, just continued looking at Jack’s shoe as it pushed against the side of his scuffed boot. The weight of the words hung heavy around them.
“Ain’t no use in thinking on that right now,” Ennis said.
“Guess there ain’t. But, just so you know.”
“I know.”
“When’s it gonna be Ennis?”
“I don’t know Jack. I’ve been thinking….”
“Good, cause I’ve been thinking too. A lot. Shit, Ennis, I wanna kiss you right now.”
“Damn,” Ennis breathed. “Don’t.”
“I’m just glad I can say the words, even if I can’t act on them. Ain’t figured a way for you to work out what I‘m thinking yet.”
“Don’t worry Jack, I think I can work it out, most of the time.”
“Yeah, you probably can,” Jack said, laughing.
“The sky is really dark tonight,” Ennis said, stealing a glance at Jack. “Look at those stars, low as can be. Fancy a walk? Just to the lakeside and back?”
“Yeah, could do with a stretch myself.”
They walked slowly, their shoulders brushing with every step. Jack could feel the electricity with each bump. He didn’t now if he could actually look at Ennis, but he sure knew what Ennis was thinking.
“Here,” Ennis whispered, as he grabbed Jack by the arm, and they found themselves by the side of the workshop. Ennis pushed Jack against the wooden building and crushed his mouth against Jack’s, hard and deep. Jack grabbed Ennis by the neck with both hands, stroking his skin and moaning into Ennis’s mouth. Ennis’s breathing was so heavy, Jack thought he might come just from that alone. Ennis was grinding against Jack with so much force, Jack was thankful he was leaning against the wall.
“I’ve gotta….”Jack said, “I’ve gotta touch you, please…”
“Yeah,” was all Ennis could say, and Jack had his hand inside Ennis’s pants before he had a chance to think. Ennis pushed himself into Jack’s hand. Jack could feel how wet Ennis was and when he felt Ennis stroking him through his jeans, he began to curse.
“I’m gonna shoot, I’m fuckin’ gonna shoot, damnit to hell!”
“Fuck, fuck. Don’t stop,” Ennis moaned, and Jack didn’t stop, he kept going until Ennis’s come flooded his hand and he didn’t want to let go, he had this crazy desire to kneel down and lick Ennis’s dick clean. He was crazy like he was drunk but he didn’t care, he wanted it.
“Dammit, Jack”.
They stood like that, trying to bring themselves back down to earth.
“Jesus, I’m crazy for you,” Jack muttered. Ennis didn’t reply, just stroked Jack’s hair and clutched at his shirt. He couldn’t believe he’d just heard Jack say that.
“Jack, we gotta….”
“I know, I know, but dammit I’m glad we went for that walk. I needed that.”
“Me too. Might need to go for those walks more often.”
Jack laughed, and Ennis joined in. The simple joy of hearing Ennis laugh made Jack’s heart soar. Jack felt weak with how strong his feelings were for Ennis, but he didn’t mind. Why would he? Ennis was here, holding him up and keeping him close.
xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by Annie Proulx. I make no money from this and don't want to.
Thanks: To smilesalot. Thank you, Em, for all your help, as always. Particularly at this time.
Feedback: Oh yes please!! I appreciate every word.
Chapter 10
Ennis woke up to the sound of running water. He rubbed his eyes and looked over to Jack’s bed, which was empty. He blinked a couple of times to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Jack never woke up before Ennis.
He sat up and saw some of the boys were awake but still in bed, talking low. He could hear distant voices coming from the bathroom, but none of them were Jack’s. He put on his jeans, and noticed part of Jack’s t-shirt peeking out from underneath his pillow. He pushed it back quickly and walked to the bathroom, stopping at the door.
Jack was leaning over the wash basin, washing his face. Ennis stared as if in a trance, tracing the curves of Jack’s strong and muscular back with his eyes, as though he were touching Jack with his fingers. He remembered what Jack’s back had looked like the night before, as he had leaned over, grabbed his hips and entered him.
Jack stood back up and brushed his fingers through his wet hair, spotting Ennis through the mirror. Their eyes locked and his stomach dropped from Jack’s intense stare. A slow measure of a smile crept up on Jack’s face, and Ennis couldn’t help but smile too. He knew those smiles held their shared secret.
“Mornin’ Ennis,” Jack said.
“Mornin’,” Ennis replied, trying not to look too hard at Jack’s body. His mouth felt dry and his body was trembling. The heat travelling through him was not just due to the steam from the shower room.
“Here,” Jack said, walking towards him. “Use this towel to wash up.”
Jack pushed the towel he’d been holding into Ennis’s bare chest; Jack’s fingers landing softly but deliberately on his skin, using the towel as a cover to conceal the tender touch. Jack gave him a brief but knowing glance as he walked into the cabin. Then Jack was gone, leaving Ennis to grab hold of the towel before it fell to the floor. He was thankful he was leaning against a solid wall. His legs had gone to jelly.
He forced himself to move away from the wall to wash his face, letting the icy cold water wake him up, relishing the chill and the slap in the face it brought to him. Only seconds in Jack’s presence and he forgot himself. After what happened the night before, it was sure to only get worse.
--
Jack was enjoying the morning sun by the lake. He dipped his foot in the glistening water and soaked in the silence around him.
The first swim lesson was yet to start, so it gave him a chance to ensure everything was set up for the day. Since giving Jack added responsibility, Bob allowed him more control over the waterfront, and he tried to arrive before anyone else, leaving Bob to invest more time in the administrative side of his job.
Jack was proud of the trust Bob placed in him. He knew there was an ocean-sized difference between Bob’s work ethic and his Daddy’s, but still felt sad and disillusioned that he could never get his Daddy’s praise or thanks for work he did. Bob would always remember to thank the team members for their hard work, but Jack could never remember a single word of thanks to come out of his own Daddy’s mouth. No wonder he hated the son of a bitch.
Bob was a firm but fair boss, and rewarded hard work with high praise. He worked hard, and expected others to do the same. He didn’t like people who shied away from work, and didn’t think twice about reprimanding members of the team who did not carry their fair share of the load. Jack had seen that side of Bob on a few occasions, and it wasn’t a pretty sight.
Jack’s only concern about his newly elevated post was how the other team members treated him. He didn’t want it to affect the way they worked together. He accepted Bob’s offer because no one had ever trusted him enough with anything to give him something this important before. He didn’t want to let Bob down, or disappoint him. When he talked to Ennis about it, Ennis would say the kindest, sweetest things to make him feel better. Ennis had a way of making him feel ten feet tall.
He knew he was probably worrying over nothing, just like Ennis told him. Even Cindy’s attitude didn’t bother him much. She still continued to insult him. Talking calmly to her didn’t seem to work. He had considered talking to Steve about it. Steve and Cindy were a well known couple on camp now, and yet she still insisted on giving Jack a hard time. He didn’t understand it.
Thankfully, he had better things to think about. As he stood by the lake, watching the gentle ripples of water lap at the shore, he thought about the night before, and all that had happened. He felt different, but in a good way. Ennis’s t-shirt was a keepsake of that night - something solid to hold on to, to prove it was all true.
Seeing Ennis earlier that morning had sent Jack’s heart into orbit. Jack had wanted to push Ennis against the wall and kiss him hard. He was turned on thinking about it. Touching Ennis’s skin, even briefly, was enough to make him yearn to be alone again with Ennis. Jack found it increasingly hard to cope with being in Ennis’s presence and not being able to reach out and stroke his arm, or brush his fingers through his hair, or kiss him, or….
Jack shook his head forcefully, trying to shake the images out of his head. He turned and saw the first group of the day huddled together, chatting and smiling excitedly. Jack smiled back, momentarily putting Ennis to the corner of his mind where he always kept his special thing.
---
Ennis peered out of the workshop window, catching a glimpse of Jack by the lake. The temptation sometimes proved too much, no matter how much he tried to fight it. He could see Jack was busy, instructing a group of young campers. All the kids loved Jack, but the youngest ones were putty in his hands, squealing like newborn kittens at anything Jack did or said.
Jack had a great way with the kids, knowing exactly how to reassure the ones who weren’t too sure of getting in the water, and encouraging the ones who had a natural affinity with it. He was able to bring out the best in everyone. No wonder Bob thought highly of him. It was no surprise to Ennis.
Ennis turned away from the window, and a glance at the clock told him the class was nearly over. He was relieved. The oldest campers were not always the easiest class to teach, some enjoyed contradicting him or acting like they knew more about woodwork than he did. His patience was often tested, especially with Ryan and Scott, who liked to fool around, thinking that having Ennis as their counselor gave them an advantage over the other kids in the class.
“Class is nearly over,“ Ennis announced. “You need to finish up and clear any mess.” Ennis hated mess, and always insisted the kids cleaned up their own because he rarely had time to clear his before the next group of kids came in. But he had a break after this class, something he was keeping to himself.
“Hey Ennis,” Ryan shouted across the workshop. “When we’re done making bird tables, what about us making somethin’ more interestin‘?”
“Oh yeah?” Ennis replied, smirking. “And what d’you have in mind?”
“Well, Scott and me were wonderin’ about maybe a nice figure of a woman.”
“A wooden woman? What good would that be?” Ennis asked, acting ignorant.
“Well, it’d be a hella lot better than a birdhouse, that’s for sure! Come on Ennis, you could give us hints on how to make all the right curves and shapes. I figured you’d know all about this stuff, since you’re older and you’ve probably been around some.” Ryan winked at Ennis, clearly enjoying the trouble he was giving Ennis.
“I think we’ll stick with birdhouses and toolboxes for now.” Ennis said curtly. “Anything more tricky might cause an accident.”
Ryan looked insulted and Scott had got bored and was talking to someone else. Ennis didn’t know what Ryan’s plan had been, but he was sure it wasn’t good. He had a feeling about Ryan, he couldn’t work out why, but he always sensed Ryan watching him. It made him feel uneasy. He knew Ryan was still wary of Jack after what had happened with Cindy, but Cindy was with Steve now, so he thought all that was old news.
“You get to do good stuff, Ennis, why can’t we?” Ryan said, folding his arms stubbornly.
“Such as?” Ennis was feeling impatient. Ryan was like a dog with a bone.
“Well, what about that thing you’re working on, why can’t we do something like that?”
Ennis instinctively went for the bag with the object in question in it. “Because it’s not simple woodwork. It’s a difficult piece to make, Ryan, it would take too long to teach you all and I don’t have that time.”
“What you working on it for? Is it a gift?”
“It’s….it’s just something I’m working on, like a project. Something to test me.” Just like you’re doing, Ennis thought.
“You gonna show us when you’re finished?”
Ennis sighed, wanting to throw the bone as far as he could, preferably in the lake. “Doubt I’ll be finished before the end of the summer.” Ennis looked at his watch, the conversation over as far as he was concerned. Whatever Ryan had a bug bear about, it wasn’t something Ennis wanted to get into.
As Ennis started putting stuff away, he saw Justin walk over to him, with the project he’d been working on.
“How’s it goin‘?” Ennis asked. Justin held the object out to Ennis for inspection.
“Okay, I guess. I think I’ve finished, you think it‘s alight?” Justin asked uncertainly, in the same quiet voice he asked everything. Ennis knew Justin needed lots of reassurance generally, not just over this.
“Well, now, let’s see.” Ennis took the CD rack from Justin and placed it on the counter. He recalled Justin telling him about this idea. It was going to be for his sister Robyn, she could have it in hospital and then take it home with her when she was ready to leave.
“This is good, Justin. Real good.” Ennis meant it. Justin had worked quietly and diligently on it every day, and had hardly asked Ennis for help, although he always accepted whatever advice Ennis offered. Ennis had left Justin alone for most of the time as it was clear to him that Justin liked to work alone. He knew how that went.
“You think she’ll like it?” Justin asked hopefully.
“I’m sure she will. You took a lot time on this, and it shows.”
“I was thinking of varnishing it, maybe adding a bit of colour. She loves red. What do you think?”
“Sure, why not? It’s a great gift.” Justin’s face lit up and Ennis was glad. He rarely saw Justin smile.
“What’s your next activity?” Ennis asked.
“Swimming. We’re practicing for the swimming gala we got next week.”
“Yeah? Sounds good.”
“Hey, why don’t you come to that?” Justin’s eyes lit up as the idea came to him. “I’m sure it’d be okay, Jack wouldn’t mind, it would be great for you to be there, you being our counselor and all.”
“Well,…..” Ennis suddenly felt tongue-tied from the mention of Jack. “We’ll see.”
“Yeah? Well, okay. We’re doing some practising now. You got time to come down to the waterfront to watch us?”
“Um, I’m, er, gotta …..,” Ennis trailed off as he saw Justin’s eyes light up eagerly.
“Please Ennis, just for five minutes, there’s no one waiting to come in, you ain't got a class now, right?”
Shit. Ennis felt pushed into a corner. He couldn’t not go, he could tell Justin wanted him there. He could just go down there for five minutes, focus completely on anything and everything except Jack. He could do that.
“Just for a few minutes then.”
“Great!” Justin’s smile was worth so much to Ennis, he knew he was doing the right thing.
-----
Jack was helping little Louisa swim the whole of the lane. She was struggling, but determined to do it unaided. This was the first time she’d swam in the lake without her water wings.
“Come on, girl, you can do it!” Jack chanted as he watched the little one. “Just a few more strokes, and you’re there, girl. Come on!” Jack kept up his enthusiastic cheering as she kept her head above water and flapped her arms with a look of fierce determination Jack knew only too well. This would mean the world to her if she got to the end without help. He could see her beginning to flag, but didn’t want to jump in unless he had to.
Jack looked up for a second and caught sight of Ennis and a few of the older boys heading over to the waterfront. Ennis never came by, so this was an unexpected joy, and a wonderful surprise. His heart fluttered as he watched Ennis scan the area, searching for Jack. When Ennis’s eyes landed on him, Jack smiled widely. He was far enough away not to attract too much attention. Ennis returned the smile ten-fold, and that alone was enough to make Jack want to run over and hug him. The crazy way his feelings were darting all over the place, he was surprised he didn’t do a cartwheel, too.
Jack looked back at the water just as Louisa struggled and went under. Within a second Jack was in the lake, diving in without a moment’s hesitation.
“Hang on girl, I’m coming to get ya!” Jack swam fast, within a few strokes he was grabbing hold of Louisa about the waist, making sure her head was clearly above water. Louisa was gasping for breath, clinging on to Jack tightly, restricting Jack‘s ability to swim. He tried to swim the few lengths back to the edge with one arm, the other holding Louisa tightly. Everyone had stopped what they were doing and were watching the drama unfold.
When they got to the edge, Louisa started crying.
“Hey girl, you’re okay, let’s get you out of the water.” Jack indicated to Steve, who grabbed Louisa while Jack hauled himself out. He knelt down in front of Louisa and held her until she had stopped crying. Louisa leant her head onto Jack’s shoulder, arms held round his neck, her breathing coming slow and steady.
“You gave me a scare there, little one!” Jack said, his smile a shield to hide his own upset and concern that Louisa might be too scared to not want to get back in the water. Jack knew it was important that the fear didn’t linger too long.
“I tried, Jack, I wanted to get to the end, but my arms got tired.” Louisa was sad and Jack was kind of relieved. At least she wasn’t talking about being scared of the water.
“Yeah, well, those little arms of yours just need to grow some more. Maybe we need to just get you back with the water wings for a short while, what do you say? We can try again without them in a couple a weeks?”
“Will you come in the water again with me, Jack, cause I like it when you come in the water with me?”
“Sure I will, try and stop me. I like nothing more than playing splash with my favourite girl.” The tears had dried and she was now back to the giggly, gorgeous little girl that Jack adored.
Jack was trying his hardest not to let his worry show. He kicked himself for being too busy looking at Ennis to notice that Louisa was in distress. He should have jumped in the water even before she‘d shouted out. He looked over and saw Ennis, who was stood next to Justin and, like everyone else, had been watching the drama unfold. Jack could tell from Ennis’s face that he was worried too.
Jack arranged for Louisa to go back to her cabin with Suzanne, another waterfront team member. All the other kids had left once they saw Louisa was fine. Jack gave her one last hug and then she was gone. Jack walked over to Ennis, never taking his eyes off him.
“Hey,” Jack said, looking at Ennis and Justin in turn. “Justin? You wanna get changed and get in your team for the gala practice?” Justin nodded and walked away, leaving Jack alone with Ennis.
“You ain’t gotta say nothin’ Ennis, I know it was my fault….” Jack started.
“Huh?” Ennis looked genuinely confused with Jack’s words.
“I was looking at you,” Jack said. “I was so shocked to see you there, I took my eyes and mind off what I was meant to be doing, which was making sure Louisa was okay.“
“Jesus, Jack, that ain’t your fault. You didn’t know I was gonna be here, and Louisa wasn’t in danger, not real danger. Even if you hadn’t jumped in, there were enough people around who would’ve kept her from drowning.“
“I guess.” Jack wasn’t convinced. He still felt sick about it. “But it was my responsibility, and I messed up. Bob‘s gonna grill me over this.” He hated looking like he couldn’t do his job, but he was so used to be being punished by his Daddy for never being good enough, he expected the same here.
“Jack,” Ennis said, and at that, Jack looked up. "Listen to me. Are you listening?" Ennis was looking at him intently, clearly wanting to make sure Jack was paying attention. Jack nodded.
“Don’t beat yourself up about this. Louisa’s okay, you got in there and brought her out of the water, safely. That’s your job too. It was something that was over before it started. You know that no one will beat you up about this, least of all Bob.”
“My Daddy would if he was here,” Jack said sadly. He looked at Ennis again, wanting so badly to be alone with him. He didn’t want to think about his old man, but he could see his angry face and hear his raised voice no matter what Ennis was telling him. He wondered if he was using the excuse of Ennis being there as a way of shifting the blame around. Maybe his Daddy was right. Maybe he was a no-good fool, fit for nothing.
“Jack,” Ennis’s voice was soft, and Jack melted at the sound. “Your Daddy ain’t here. And Bob ain’t your daddy. Bob knows how hard you work.”
“Thanks, Ennis. Just not good at accepting when people say I’m good at something. Not used to it.”
“Well, get used to it.“ Ennis said with a gentle smile.
Jack returned the smile with one as coy and flirty as he could muster in the circumstances.
“Jesus,” Ennis said, low. Ennis looked around, and then back at Jack. “Wish we weren’t here. Knew the minute I saw you I’d lose it. Justin wouldn’t let it go, kept on at me to come down here. Could hardly say no, could I?”
“Glad you didn’t, friend,” Jack said, his heart racing. “Could hardly believe my eyes, seeing you standing there, watching me. Forgot where I was for a second.“ Jack leaned in slightly, making the shift seem as casual as possible.
“I gotta get back now Ennis, but do me a favour? Get that mind a yours workin’ on when we can get together again. Last night was amazing. I want it again - and soon.“
“Damn, Jack, quit talking like that. How am I supposed to concentrate on anythin‘ now?”
“You’re not.” Jack said, walking away. He left Ennis muttering “Jack fuckin’ Twist”, like he’d heard Ennis mutter many times before.
--
Before dinner, there was a knock at the cabin door. It opened, and Meli peered in. “Anyone home?”
Ennis looked up from the letter he was writing, and smiled.
“Just me,” he said, putting the pen and paper down and standing up. “The boys are having a splash around in the lake and Jack should be here any minute. What’s up?”
“I just saw Jack, told him Howie wants to see you both. Thought I’d come over and tell you myself.”
“He wants to see us now?”
“Yeah, can you come? I’ll walk back with you.”
“Er, yeah, sure.” Ennis was flustered, not sure what to do. He pushed the pen and paper under his pillow, grabbed his baseball cap and walked out the door. He instinctively looked around to see any sign of Jack, but there was none.
“So, you know what Howie wants us for?” Ennis asked, worry all over his voice.
“No, but it won’t be nothing bad, Ennis, so stop worrying. Howie’s in a good mood, he’s been playing the soundtrack from Les Miserables today.”
“And that’s a good thing?” Ennis asked, confused.
“Oh yeah,” Meli said, enthusiastically. “He knows all the words to that one.”
Ennis tugged on a thumbnail as he got closer to the office. He began thinking of all the things that Howie could want them for. He started on harmless things at first, but his mind kept creeping back to Howie somehow knowing that they had spent hours out of their cabin and in Meli’s room.
He could hardly look at Meli, feeling sick with worry, and wishing Jack was there. The more he thought, the more sick he felt. He cursed himself for allowing Jack to talk him into going to Meli’s room. The fact that Meli knew what they wanted the room for made him want to turn around and lock himself in his cabin, and never come out. It was bad enough he had these feelings, it was even worse that he had somehow allowed someone else be aware of it too.
“Ennis, you are going to gnaw your thumb off if you keep that up,” Meli said, laughing. “This is just a guess, but are you nervous?”
Ennis could hardly speak, he was so distressed. Meli pulled on Ennis’s arm, looking serious.
“Ennis, I’m not going to ask you about last night, if that’s what you’re worried about, and I haven’t mentioned it to anyone else. Not even Simon. It’s nobody’s business but yours.”
“Don’t wanna talk about that.” Ennis said shortly. Meli looked hurt, but Ennis couldn’t help that.
“Alright,” Meli said softly. “You know, you remind me of my brother.”
“Huh?” Ennis said, confused by the sudden change in subject.
“He’s deep and thoughtful, like you,“ she said. “He’s also got the same taste in men as you.” Meli carried on walking, leaving Ennis looking at her as if she had just grown two heads.
“My brother says I have good gaydar, considering I’m straight.” Meli was talking as if they were discussing the weather. Ennis was waiting for the bolt of lightening to strike him down.
“He might have a point, because I knew pretty much straightaway that you and Jack were attracted to each other,“ Meli went on. “Me being attracted to you was a slight problem, but we managed to get through that, and with a little push here and shove there, you got the right person in the end.”
Ennis knew Meli was trying to reassure him that everything was okay. But with the worry of what Howie was going to say, on top of Meli had some kind of radar device he’d never heard of that told her that he was attracted to Jack, even before he knew it himself….this was a little too much for him. If Jack hadn’t been running across the field towards them just then, he thought he might have thrown up.
“Hey Ennis, wait for me!” Jack called, as they just got to the office. He was out of breath.
“I’ll go in and see if Howie can see you now,” Meli said, looking at Jack as he bent over, with hands on his knees. “Why don’t you hang out here for a bit, get some fresh air. It looks like you both need it.”
When Meli went into the office, Jack looked up at Ennis.
“Jesus Ennis, you look like you’ve seen a ghost! What’s up?”
“Whaddya mean, what’s up? We’re about to be fired, that’s what’s up!”
“Wha….” Jack stood up then, his lack of breath suddenly forgotten. “How do you know that, did Meli say somethin?”
“Oh she said a lot! Girl can’t seem to stop saying something. Most of it I’d need deciphering by the FBI, but come on Jack, it doesn’t take a genius to work it out. Someone must a seen us leaving the infirmary last night and told Howie. And besides that, we left our cabin unattended, so that’s a firing offence right away. “
“Whoa, cowboy, slow down. Firstly, we don’t know what Howie wants us for, and I didn’t see a soul when I left the infirmary, and as far as I’m aware, you didn’t either.”
“Yeah, well just cause we didn’t see anyone, doesn’t mean to say there was no one around, watching us!”
“Jesus, Ennis, now you’re being paranoid!”
“I ain’t! Meli knows what we were doing, so why not anyone else?”
“Meli knows cause it was her room we were in, and she offered it to us! Jesus, did you saw your brain in half in your workshop today or somethin‘ Ennis, cause I swear, you ain’t making a bit a sense!”
“I just don’t like the thought of anyone knowing what we were doing last night.”
“Well, it’s not like we’re gonna be telling anyone and Meli promised she wouldn’t. I trust her Ennis, and I thought you did too. What’s with you today?”
“I just know Howie is gonna fire us, and how ’s that gonna look huh? What am I gonna tell KE? I got fired for spending the night in a double bed, and it wasn’t with no girl? He’d shoot me before letting me back in his house.”
“Ennis, you have got to calm down. We can’t talk about this now, not here. I got a feeling it’s not even gonna be about that anyhow.”
“Well, what else could it be?”
“I think he might be getting ready to reprimand me for what happened with Louisa today.”
“Well, why would he want me here if he was gonna do that? Huh?”
“You were a witness,” Jack said, but knew that his theory was as weak as Ennis’s.
“So were about thirty other people if you hadn’t noticed. And like I told you this morning, you got the situation under control. Bob didn’t reprimand you did he?
“Well, no, but….”
“’Well no but’ nothin‘. It won’t be about that Jack, so you can stop your worrying.”
“Oh okay, but you can carry on worrying about something that ain’t gonna happen either?”
“Yeah, well, my theory makes more sense.”
“It makes a heap a shit sense, Ennis and you know it. There’s gotta be another explanation.”
Ennis stopped talking, going back to chewing the thumb nail that he always tugged on when he was anxious.
“Ennis, stop it.” Jack looked at him. Ennis knew Jack was trying to be calm. “Please, stop doing that, you’re gonna bleed.”
“Can’t help it, always done it, can’t stop.”
“I know Ennis, but I hate it when you do it.“
Just then, the door opened again and Meli popped her head out.
“Howie can see you now. Hey Jacky, I heard about the drama at the waterfront this morning. You are quite the hero.”
Ennis leant over to whisper in Jack’s ear. “See, I told you it wouldn’t be about that. Everyone thinks you did a good job.”
“We’ll see,” Jack said, following Ennis and Meli into the office.
“Hey you guys,” Meli said. “When you come out you can collect the post for your cabin. It just came in. And there are quite a few nice looking care packages in there. I’m sure I could smell cherries.”
“Anything for me?” Jack asked.
“Yeah, there was in fact. How did you know?”
“That’ll be my momma’s cherry cake. She’s the queen at making cherry cakes.”
“Well, be sure to save me a piece. I love cherry cakes. Although you do know that we are not officially meant to have food sent to us on camp,” Meli said, sounding like an automated voice, but winking at the same time.
“I seem to remember something about that in the stuff we got sent before coming here,” Ennis said, trying to not look at Howie’s door.
“But of course, being in the office,” Meli went on. “I get to see the post as it comes in. I can always keep certain care packages to one side, you know, for safe keeping.”
“I hear you, “Jack said, winking back. “Ennis get anything in the post?”
“He did, a postcard, not that I read it or anything, but it was from someone called Alma.”
“Alma?” Jack said, looking at Ennis. Ennis had to think hard to get back to the conversation in hand.
“It’s no one Jack, just someone from back home.”
“Is that so? Just no one?” Jack said his voice thick with sarcasm.
“Anyway, “Meli interrupted, sensing trouble brewing. “The music’s stopped so that’s my cue to tell you Howie can see you now! Off you go.“ Ennis knocked on the door, looked at Jack with dread and opened the door.
---
“Thanks for coming in guys, take a seat.” Howie indicated for them to sit down. Jack sat down and waited for Ennis to sit beside him. Instead Ennis sat on the chair on the other side of Howie. Jack shook his head slightly, baffled at Ennis’s paranoia. There was nothing he could do about it now.
“Heard about what happened today Jack.” Howie said, his voice sombre. “Everything okay now? Louisa not put off water for life I hope?”
“No sir, she was fine, just a little shaken up by the experience.”
“That’s good. Bob has total faith in you and the rest of the waterfront team, and I’m of the same feeling. Good work.” Howie sounded sincere and Jack was relieved.
“Anyway, I wanted to ask you guys how you feel Justin’s setting in.” Ennis’s face was a picture. Howie might as well have asked Ennis to sing his favourite song from a musical, he was so shocked. Jack felt deep relief for Ennis, knowing the state that Ennis had got himself into.
“Well, Sir, he seems just fine,” Ennis said, his voice constricted.
“You think he’s making friends?”
“Sure,“ Jack said, “he hangs around with Michael mostly, right Ennis? They get on just fine. He doesn’t tend to mix much with the louder ones, such as Ryan and Scott, but that doesn’t seem to bother him none.”
“That’s real good. He ever talk about his sister?”
“Hardly ever,” Ennis said, his voice returning to normal. “He showed me something he’d made in the workshop today, told me it was for her. He seemed glad when I told him it was a real good piece of work.”
“I spoke with his parents yesterday, to ask how he was getting on. They told me he’d taken a bit of a shine to you Ennis, in a manner of speaking. He seems to enjoy your company and listens to what you say. Would you say that was the case?”
“Don’t know about that, he listens to Jack in much the same way. It isn’t just me.”
“I’d disagree,” Jack interrupted, wanting Howie to know the level of respect Justin had for Ennis. “I’ve seen the way Justin is with Ennis. He does tend to hold him in high regard.”
“Wouldn’t go that far,” Ennis said, embarrassed. He sunk lower in the chair, and with the cap pulled low over his face, he was hardly visible. Probably the way he wanted it, Jack thought.
“That’s the feeling I’ve got too Jack,“ Howie agreed. “I wonder if you could do something for me?” Howie was addressing both of them, but Jack sensed this request was mainly for Ennis.
“Get him to talk about his sister, and about what happened. His parents feel it’s something he’s holding back and they think that he’d tell you. The guilt’s eating him up. Some of the letters he’s sent them have been a little…disturbing.”
“How so? If you mind me asking,” Jack asked curiously.
“He talks about feeling guilty and why he didn’t get injured. That he deserves to be injured in some way. They worry that by not talking about it, he’ll never deal with it. He may seem okay on the outside, he’s clearly not on the inside.”
“So what do you want us to do exactly?” Jack asked, feeling a little out of his depth. He didn’t know he had the understanding or patience to get to the bottom of Justin’s pain.
“Just keep an extra eye on him. His parents feel that he’s getting a lot out of being here, but they worry too. They’re glad that he feels so taken with you, Ennis, and want to take advantage of that. If that’s okay with you, of course.”
“I guess so,” Ennis mumbled. “Don’t know how I can help. Not much good with talking myself.”
“You just need to listen mostly. You seem to be doing a great job already.”
Jack and Ennis sat there, waiting for Howie to say something more.
“That’s it guys, unless there’s something you want to talk to me about?”
“Er, no, Sir, there ain't a thing,” Jack replied, realising that Ennis would want to get out of there as fast as possible.
“Good, well, see you around camp. If this gets too much for you, come to me. I know it’s a lot to ask. But you both seem to be doing real well in all aspects of the camp, and I’m real grateful to you for that.”
“Yessir.” Jack felt a huge weight of relief flood over him when they left the office, feeling it more for Ennis than for himself.
“Told you,” Jack said. Ennis didn’t say anything, just smiled wanly, like he’d just been through a major interrogation with the police.
“All okay?” Meli asked.
“Yeah, nothing, just cabin stuff,” Jack said vaguely.
“There, didn’t I tell you, Ennis?” Meli said. Ennis just nodded.
“Here’s your post. And here’s your care package, Jack. You should be grateful you have me as a friend, not everyone’s getting their care packages.”
“Why not?”
“Because Howie doesn’t like the kids getting sweets sent through the post.”
“So what happens to those packages?”
“Those nasty, naughty squirrels get in and eat them all,” Meli said, and Jack could tell she was lying.
“And Beavers?” Jack suggested.
“Yes, them too. Before you know it, they are all gone.”
“Poor kids.”
“Yeah, poor, little rich brats, sorry, nice lovely kids. Don’t know how they will survive.”
“Come on Ennis, I wanna open my care package before the squirrels get at it. See you later Meli.”
“Bye boys, be careful now. About your cherry cake I mean.”
--
Later that night, Ennis sat on the porch, waiting for Jack. Jack had been trying to hide the package from the boys, but they’d sniffed out the cherry cake as soon as he got there, so had to hand out pieces of it to them all. Jack didn’t mind, he liked passing round what was good, most times. He was happy to pass on the news to his momma that the cherry cake was a rousing success. When Jack finally came outside, he was holding two small pieces of the cake.
“That’s all that was left?” Ennis asked, taking the piece from Jack and eating it.
“Yeah, had to cut it up in real small pieces to make sure everyone got a bite.”
“This is real good, Jack,“ Ennis said, between bites. “Damn, never had a cherry cake like it.”
“Your momma ever make cakes?”
“Sure, but not often cherry cake. She liked the little ones, you know with butter cream inside and icing on top? They were her speciality.”
“Sound nice.”
“Yeah, they were.” They munched on the cake in silence, until Jack touched Ennis’s boot with his own, causing Ennis to look up at him.
“You okay? After all your worrying about what Howie was gonna say?”
“Guess, just got me thinking is all.”
“Yeah? What about?” Jack wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
“Don’t like people knowing, Jack. Don’t look at me like that, I know Meli is a good friend and I believe her when she says she hasn’t told no one. Just wish she didn't have to know in the first place.”
“And leave us with nowhere to go? You regret last night?”
“Course not. You know that’s not what I mean.”
“I don’t think I do. Ennis, this is a crazy situation, the craziest I could imagine myself ever getting involved in. But I’m in it, and I ain’t backing out. I never know from one minute to the next when I’m gonna be with you again, and that is the hardest part of it. But I don’t regret it. Just wish it could be easier.”
“Yeah, easier would be good.” Ennis said. “Look, this whole thing, it just gets all messed up in my head if I think on it too long. And wondering what Howie was gonna say, well, yeah, I got to thinking on it too long. I can’t help it, it’s what I do. Think and wallow in worry. KE says I could worry for the whole state of Wyoming. “
“Now that I can imagine. KE seems to know you pretty well.”
“Yeah, guess he does.”
“How well does Alma know you?”
“Now Jack, I told you…”
“I know what you told me. Alma was someone you dated and now it’s over. Just wondered why you ain’t mentioned her before, is all.”
“Cause there was nothing to mention. It didn’t last long and didn’t go nowhere. Felt that it wasn’t right, leading her on like that. Told her I was coming here and it was probably best for her to find someone else, someone to treat her right.”
“Seems that someone is you.”
“Nah, she probably was just curious to see what I was up to. She must have got the address from KE.”
“And are you? Curious about what she’s doin?”
“No. I ain’t thought on her once, not until I got this postcard. Not had much chance to think of anyone else lately.”
“Is that so?” Jack said.
“Yeah, that’s so.”
“Well.” Jack said. “Good.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Did you leave anyone behind?”
“Except my momma and daddy, you mean?”
“I think you know what I mean, Jack Twist.”
“No Ennis, I left no one behind. And I don’t wanna leave no one behind when I leave here.”
Ennis didn’t say anything, just continued looking at Jack’s shoe as it pushed against the side of his scuffed boot. The weight of the words hung heavy around them.
“Ain’t no use in thinking on that right now,” Ennis said.
“Guess there ain’t. But, just so you know.”
“I know.”
“When’s it gonna be Ennis?”
“I don’t know Jack. I’ve been thinking….”
“Good, cause I’ve been thinking too. A lot. Shit, Ennis, I wanna kiss you right now.”
“Damn,” Ennis breathed. “Don’t.”
“I’m just glad I can say the words, even if I can’t act on them. Ain’t figured a way for you to work out what I‘m thinking yet.”
“Don’t worry Jack, I think I can work it out, most of the time.”
“Yeah, you probably can,” Jack said, laughing.
“The sky is really dark tonight,” Ennis said, stealing a glance at Jack. “Look at those stars, low as can be. Fancy a walk? Just to the lakeside and back?”
“Yeah, could do with a stretch myself.”
They walked slowly, their shoulders brushing with every step. Jack could feel the electricity with each bump. He didn’t now if he could actually look at Ennis, but he sure knew what Ennis was thinking.
“Here,” Ennis whispered, as he grabbed Jack by the arm, and they found themselves by the side of the workshop. Ennis pushed Jack against the wooden building and crushed his mouth against Jack’s, hard and deep. Jack grabbed Ennis by the neck with both hands, stroking his skin and moaning into Ennis’s mouth. Ennis’s breathing was so heavy, Jack thought he might come just from that alone. Ennis was grinding against Jack with so much force, Jack was thankful he was leaning against the wall.
“I’ve gotta….”Jack said, “I’ve gotta touch you, please…”
“Yeah,” was all Ennis could say, and Jack had his hand inside Ennis’s pants before he had a chance to think. Ennis pushed himself into Jack’s hand. Jack could feel how wet Ennis was and when he felt Ennis stroking him through his jeans, he began to curse.
“I’m gonna shoot, I’m fuckin’ gonna shoot, damnit to hell!”
“Fuck, fuck. Don’t stop,” Ennis moaned, and Jack didn’t stop, he kept going until Ennis’s come flooded his hand and he didn’t want to let go, he had this crazy desire to kneel down and lick Ennis’s dick clean. He was crazy like he was drunk but he didn’t care, he wanted it.
“Dammit, Jack”.
They stood like that, trying to bring themselves back down to earth.
“Jesus, I’m crazy for you,” Jack muttered. Ennis didn’t reply, just stroked Jack’s hair and clutched at his shirt. He couldn’t believe he’d just heard Jack say that.
“Jack, we gotta….”
“I know, I know, but dammit I’m glad we went for that walk. I needed that.”
“Me too. Might need to go for those walks more often.”
Jack laughed, and Ennis joined in. The simple joy of hearing Ennis laugh made Jack’s heart soar. Jack felt weak with how strong his feelings were for Ennis, but he didn’t mind. Why would he? Ennis was here, holding him up and keeping him close.
xxxxxxx